


I'll Heal You with My Love

by Fluffy_Stuff



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: But technically the flashbacks make it the present kind of, Depressed Harry, Doctor Louis, Domestic Fluff, Exes to Lovers, Fluff, Happy Ending, Harry's daughter is sick, Jay is in this in case that bothers anyone, Lonely Louis, Long-Distance Relationship, Lost Love, Louis feels guilty, Louis is a pediatric cardiac surgeon, Louis makes them all into tourists, M/M, New York City, Past Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Past Underage Sex, References to Depression, Sexual Content, Single Parent Harry, Surgery, Symbolism, They both get kind of dark in a few scenes, but i promise it's worth it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2018-10-20
Packaged: 2019-04-17 16:11:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 45,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14192766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fluffy_Stuff/pseuds/Fluffy_Stuff
Summary: “Hazza, baby,” Louis said, reaching up to cup Harry’s cheek, “we’ll see each other again. Not even an ocean can keep me away from you forever.” When Louis kissed him this time, it tasted like goodbye.****Fifteen years ago, Louis Tomlinson got on a plane to New York and left the love of his life behind. Now he's a top pediatric cardiac surgeon, working his days and nights away to keep the memory of soft curls and green eyes at bay. Harry Styles is trying to navigate being a single parent after his best friend, who carried his daughter for him, passed away suddenly. To top it all off, Harry's daughter has a heart condition that sends them across the Atlantic for a life-saving surgery. The last thing either of them expect is to come face to face with their lost teenage love at a New York hospital, but maybe it's the only thing they need.





	1. The Day They Met Again

**Author's Note:**

> Just to let you know ahead of time, Jay will be in this fic at least in chapter 2. There will also be a surgery, but nothing will be graphic because I'm squeamish. Otherwise, this fic has taken over my life and various scenes are already written, so updates will be sporadic. Happy reading! I hope you enjoy it as much as I love writing it!
> 
> Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I don't own any of the real people portrayed in this story.

_My Love Harry,_

_It’s been such a long day already and there are still so many hours left. I’m convinced that the time difference between home and New York exists only to make me suffer. I just got settled into my new dorm tonight, but my roommate won’t be here until tomorrow. It’s so quiet, and I feel so alone that I can’t stand it. All I can think about is how much I miss you already. I know you’re probably hurting just as much as I am right now and you probably don’t want to hear from me. So every time I think of you and want to talk to you, I’m going to write it all down in this journal instead. I know you’ll never read it, just like I know there’s a chance you’ll never want to see me again. And that’s enough to make my heart break all over._

_To think that just this afternoon, I was saying goodbye to you at the airport and now I’m on a different continent is more than I can handle. I miss my mum and my sisters, of course. But I miss you most of all. You’ve been by my side for so long that I don’t know what I’ll do without you. I guess I don’t have a choice anymore but to figure it out._

_I know you don’t understand, but this was a chance I couldn’t give up. I never wanted to leave you, but you know it’s always been my dream to become a surgeon and help save kids’ lives. This is the best school there is and I’ve worked so hard for this that if I gave it up, I know I’d always regret it. I’ve watched my mum sacrifice so much for the men she loved and I saw it destroy her. I couldn’t live with myself if that ever happened to us._

_As much as it killed me to leave you, I swear it’s not forever. We’ll talk on the phone every night. I’ll come home on breaks and we’ll go to London. I’ll do whatever it takes so you know that I still love you, because I could never imagine myself loving anyone else. I promise you that as long as you want me, I’ll be yours._

_I’ll see you in my dreams tonight._

_All my love,_

_Louis_

****Fifteen Years Later****

“Daddy, I’m scared,” the little girl said as she came to a halt on the sidewalk outside the hospital. She stared up at her father with wide eyes the same green as his, framed by her flowing curls. 

Harry forced a smile; it was the most and least he could do for her today. “You’re going to be okay, Alice, I swear. That’s why we’re here.” He knelt down on the ground beside her. “These are the best doctors there are. They’ve helped a lot of kids like you before and they’re going to make you feel better—better than you’ve ever been.”

She bit her lip shyly. “Daddy…I miss home,” she whispered.

Harry fought the urge to let his face crumple. He knew “home” meant her mother. They had to stop avoiding the subject sooner or later, but Harry had enough to worry about right now with his daughter’s health on the line. In a way, throwing himself headlong into solving her heart condition had kept his loneliness at bay. If he was preoccupied with Alice’s never-ending parade of doctors and tests, then he didn’t have time to fall apart like he wanted. Amy may have been Alice’s mother, but she had also been Harry’s best friend since college and the only person Harry had trusted to carry a baby for him once he realized he’d never find someone to settle down with. They hadn’t been a couple (and never could have been), but they were a team in raising Alice. Amy’s sudden loss was just as much of a shock to Harry’s system as it was to his daughter’s, and he’d held back his grief for her sake. “Alice, baby, we’ll be back in London soon enough. We’re taking a little break to bring you somewhere to fix you.”

Alice’s eyes followed the floors of the gigantic glass building as they rose intimidatingly toward the sky. “Daddy, hospitals are scary,” she said. 

Harry tilted his head, an idea forming. “Then pretend it’s not a hospital. We’re in a magical new land.” He gestured at the crowded New York streets around them. He turned her around gently to face the hospital, resting his chin on her shoulder as they looked up at the structure stretching high above them. “And this,” he said, “is the magical palace. There are all sorts of fairies and wizards inside. And they’re going to wave their magic wands and heal you,” he told her. “So what do you think? You want to go in and take a look around your new palace, princess?”

Alice turned her head back to look at her dad, determined and a little more cheerful than before. “Okay, Daddy,” she said resolutely. “I hope you’re right.”

“It’s going to be life changing—just wait and see,” he said as he took his daughter’s hand and guided her through the hospital doors.

~~~~

“Shit!” Louis had been trying to balance his coffee in one hand while he reached for a new pen. And, of course, the pens just _had_ to be located so conveniently on the top shelf in the supply closet. His reward for being a rare self-sufficient doctor? A stream of hot liquid spilling down his leg and a significantly smaller amount of caffeine to get him through the rest of the day. He still had three consultations and a follow up left after performing two surgeries this morning. That was the price of being one of the most in-demand pediatric cardiac surgeons in the US. 

Thank god he loved his career, because if he didn’t, his life would feel like a nightmare. In any other case, the long hours, early mornings, and emergency phone calls would have sent Louis running for the hills. As it was, he had next to no free time, but that was just how Louis liked it. Too much time to himself reminded him of just how little meaning his life had outside of the surgical suite. 

Louis set his cup down carefully on a stack of boxes. He sighed and grabbed for a roll of paper towels he spotted among the paper supplies and wiped at the dampness on his leg. Thankfully, he’d changed into a pair of black dress pants already in preparation for his office hours. Now anyone who wasn’t looking closely would just think he wore coffee-scented cologne. Smooth.

Just as he made to reach for those damn pens again, the loud chime of his phone sent a jolt through his body. When he looked at the screen, he saw a text from one of his office’s medical assistants. 

**Jen:** Dr. Z’s last surgery is running long. He has a consult waiting for 15 minutes now. Can you cover?

Louis groaned. Why did he have to hire people that were so good at taking care of his patients? It was really inconvenient sometimes. He sent her a quick affirmative and finally yanked a pen free from the package on the top shelf before grabbing what was left of his coffee and hurrying toward his office suite. He wouldn’t have time to review the case, but he could think on his feet well enough.

~~~~

By the time Louis made it to the office, his coffee was cold, but at least his pants were mostly dry. The moment he stepped through the glass door into his and Zayn’s office, the receptionist smiled at him. “Good afternoon, Dr. Tomlinson! You have a lovely young lady and her equally lovely—and probably single—father waiting for you in room one,” Magdalena said, winking at him. Louis chuckled and shook his head. Magdalena was truly the mother of the office, always trying to set him up with any nice-looking man she saw. “Now go!” she said, shooing him down the hall.

Louis set his useless coffee down and plucked the clipboard from the perch next to the door. He was about to flip through it, but before he could even read the patient’s name, there was a crash from the other side of the door. Louis reached for the handle and quickly poked his head inside to make sure the door was clear before opening it fully. 

Inside sat a little girl, about six years old, eyes wide as they flashed between Louis and the toppled vitals cart on the floor. 

“I can’t believe that cart tried to attack you! I’ll save you, little princess.” Louis rushed over to where the cart was lying and dropped to the floor. He picked up the cart’s contents, shoving the blood pressure cuffs back in the basket before sending the cart sailing across the room. The cart hit the opposite wall with a resounding clang. Louis knelt down in front of the exam table, facing the girl. She giggled loudly, swinging her feet in excitement. “Thank goodness you’re safe,” he said dramatically as he placed his hand over his heart. “I think I made it just in time. Please, beautiful princess, tell me your name.”

The little girl laughed and shook her head as her blond curls fell in her face. “My name is Alice,” she said. And then, after a beat, she added, " _Princess_ Alice.” 

In spite of seeing a few international patients every year, he was still surprised to hear her accent was British. “Well, Princess Alice,” he said, “it was my honor to protect you. Princesses shouldn’t be wandering around places like this all alone,” Louis warned her. “Don’t you travel with a guard?”

Alice laughed and shook her head again, her curls bouncing with the movement. For a moment, Louis saw brown curls instead of blond, felt their softness as he ran his fingers through them. It had been fifteen years, but to Louis, it still felt like yesterday. Louis shook off the memory and focused on the girl as she spoke again. “My daddy’s here, but he went to the bathroom when the nurse said we had to keep waiting. He said he’d be right back.”

“Well he’s lucky I was here to rescue you. He owes me a thank you,” Louis joked.

“My daddy will be so happy you saved me,” she said. She looked at him curiously. “Are you going to be my new doctor?” she asked.

“Forgive me, your highness,” Louis said. “I have forgotten to introduce myself. Most people around here call me Dr. Tomlinson.” 

Alice wrinkled her nose. “Too long,” she said.

“Some of the younger ones can’t say it, so they call me Dr. T instead," Louis suggested.

Alice shook her head. “That’s for babies and I’m not a baby. Isn’t there anything else?” she asked.

Louis chuckled. For a girl so young, she sure was clever. She was exactly what he imagined his own daughter would be like if he had one. A pang of sadness washed over him at the thought, but he pushed it away. “Demanding, aren’t we?” he joked. “My first name is Louis, if you like that better,” he offered.

Alice smiled widely at him. “Much better.” She thought for a minute, head tilted as she gazed up at the ceiling. “Can I call you Lou? No— _Dr._ Lou,” she decided. 

“Sounds perfect, Princess Alice,” he answered. “Now do you suppose your daddy got lost?”

“Maybe,” Alice said with a shrug. “But I know he’ll come back for me. He says I’m the best thing he has,” she told Louis proudly. Something in the way her green eyes sparkled brought more nagging memories to Louis’ mind. He knew that look, those eyes. He’d know them anywhere. And they’d been about the same age the first time Louis ever saw them.

Louis reached for the clipboard. If he could just glance at her papers and read her last name—if he knew that he was imagining things, then maybe he’d stop seeing visions of a smiling curly-haired boy when he looked at her.

Just as his hand closed around the plastic of the clipboard, the door clicked open. Louis’ head snapped up to see the newcomer’s face and his heart plummeted. 

There he was. He was a few inches taller than before and no longer a teenager, but this handsome man was still just as much his Harry as ever.

Louis did his best to regain his composure, he really did. But when he was gazing up at the face he’d loved for so many years and lost so long ago, it was hard to even breathe. And the fact that the man was looking back at him, just as astonished, made it completely impossible.

“Daddy!” Alice squealed from behind Louis, startling him. “Dr. Lou saved me!” 

“Did he now?” Harry said, quirking his lips to the side and not taking his eyes off of Louis, who was still sprawled on the floor.

“The cart was trying to attack me! It fell over and tried to hurt me, but he came in and sent it away.” Alice pointed to the cart, which was now positioned in the furthest corner of the room.

“Hmm, well I guess you’ve found a knight in shining armor, then. How lucky,” Harry said, crossing the room to sit with his daughter.

Louis knew he should say something, but his thoughts were going a mile a minute. His eyes flicked from Harry to Alice, trying to piece the puzzle together. But truthfully, he didn’t know Harry anymore, so he wasn’t even sure where to start.

That’s when the reality of where they were hit him. Harry and his daughter were in Louis’ office. Louis’ _pediatric cardiology_ office. Harry’s daughter had a heart problem. And if they were here to see him and Zayn, it was probably a serious one. 

Louis’ next thought was that maybe he should excuse himself, say he was too familiar with the patient to be comfortable. Except he wasn’t. He’d never met the little girl who was laughing and making faces at her dad from the exam table. Louis only knew her father, whose eyes had come back to rest on him again.

Louis scrambled off the floor and dusted his hands off on his pants, which were mostly dry now. He held out his right hand for Harry to shake. When Harry’s hand met his own, it was a shock to Louis’ system. It was slightly bigger than it had been the last time Louis had held it, but otherwise, it felt the same. For the first time in years, Louis felt awkward. Normally, he would introduce himself right now, but he couldn’t bear to pretend that he didn’t know exactly who the man standing in front of him was. “Harry,” he said softly. “I…”

Harry simply nodded and released Louis’ hand gently before turning to face his daughter. Alice had been watching the exchange with a frown, knowing something had changed, but not being old enough to understand. “Baby girl, I think the doctor and I need to talk alone for a minute, okay?”

Alice nodded slowly, her eyes muddled with confusion. She braced her arms on the edge of the table to jump down. “Don’t,” Louis said, a little more forcefully than he’d meant to. Alice froze and Harry turned to him quickly, raising his eyebrow in a challenge. 

“I mean, wait a second,” Louis said. He turned toward the cabinets on his right and rummaged through them. When he resurfaced, his arms were loaded with an assortment of toys. “I try to keep a collection in each room, just in case. Go ahead and pick whatever you’d like,” he instructed, holding them out for Alice to choose. When she’d settled on a set of crayons, Louis handed her some paper to draw on as well. “We’ll just be a minute,” Louis assured her as he opened the door and ushered Harry into the hall. Alice was already so engrossed with her project that she didn’t notice them leave.

When the door had closed firmly behind them, Louis forced himself to look up at Harry. Harry was watching him, and Louis knew he had to say something, so he settled for the first thing that came out of his mouth. “You have a daughter.”

Harry snorted. “Is it that obvious?” 

Louis sighed in frustration. This wasn’t coming out right. “Yes, but…when did you have a daughter? I mean, my mother tells me little snippets every now and then, but she never mentioned Alice.”

“Hmm, well she’s just turned six, so I think you can do that math,” Harry said with a smirk. “I thought you’d have better questions for me than that.”

Louis narrowed his eyes. “Sorry to disappoint,” he retorted. “But it’s pretty hard to catch up on fifteen years of someone’s life in just a couple of minutes.”

“You’re still trying, though, aren’t you?” 

“Well, yeah, you’re standing right in front of me, so why not?” Louis said. He took a second to check his snarky attitude before continuing. “So are you married now?” he asked, swallowing hard. He knew he had no right to be jealous after all this time, but his heart broke a little as he imagined Harry being happily married to someone else.

“No,” Harry said, shaking his head. “Don’t you think that if I were, my spouse would be here?”

Louis shook his head. “Not all parents care about their kids, Harry. And not all marriages are made to last. Thought you’d remember that from everything you saw at my house growing up,” he said, his voice tinged with bitterness.

Harry winced and looked down at the floor. “You’re right. Um…sorry. I—” 

Louis kicked himself internally. Even for the sake of his pride, he never wanted to make Harry uncomfortable. He reached out a hand and let it rest on Harry’s shoulder. “Listen, I don’t want to fight with you, Harry. I never did.”

Harry nodded, his face solemn. “I know, Lou. I just—it’s hard to know what to say to you after all these years.”

“Tell me about Alice,” Louis prompted, hoping to ease the tension.

He knew he’d asked the right thing when Harry’s face lit up. “She’s just wonderful, Lou. She loves to draw and she’s so smart. My mum just put her in horseback riding lessons, and she loves it so much. Even when she just goes to visit the horses, she’s so excited,” he gushed. “She loves being around animals. It really helps her relax. And god, I swear she’s the bravest little girl, Lou,” Harry said, pausing contemplatively. He looked right at Louis, his expression harder than before. “She’s not afraid of anything, and—” Harry broke off for a moment, shaking his head. When he continued, his voice came out like a broken whisper. “It’s so hard…to not let her see that I’m terrified.” When the words left his mouth, Harry swallowed hard and looked away, his eyes starting to glisten.

Shit, Louis wasn’t prepared to see Harry start crying. He wasn’t used to drying his tears anymore. He couldn’t help but wonder how many of Harry’s tears he hadn’t been there to kiss away, how many of them were shed over him. A wave of guilt crashed into Louis and he wrapped his arm around Harry’s shoulder carefully. He didn’t want to make Harry more upset, but he couldn’t stand to see his first (and only) love in pain and not try to comfort him. “Harry, don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m so sorry to see you in my office with your little girl. That’s the last thing I would ever want, even if it means I get to see you again. But trust me,” he said, staring right at Harry’s downcast eyes, willing them to meet his own. When he realized Louis wasn’t going to continue until he looked up, Harry relented. Louis gave him a small smile. “Zayn and I are the best—otherwise, Alice’s doctors wouldn’t have sent you across an ocean to see us. Okay?”

Harry nodded, only a trace of fear left in his eyes. “I don’t want you to think I don’t trust you all to take care of Alice. I just...it’s a lot to deal with in one day,” he said guiltily. 

Louis frowned. “I can only imagine what you’re going through trying to make sure Alice is okay. But really, Harry, Zayn and I have never come across a case we couldn’t fully resolve. That’s why we do what we do,” he said, shrugging.

Harry smiled weakly at him. “You really were meant to be a surgeon, Lou. I could always imagine it before, but…now I know it’s true.”

Louis smiled back. “Harry, be honest with me for a minute,” he said. Harry’s look became wary. “I just want to make sure you’re comfortable with this before we proceed. If you’re not, you can always wait for Zayn. I mean, I don’t know when he’ll be out—”

“Yes.”

“You’re sure?” Louis asked, finally letting his arm fall from Harry’s shoulders. He was a bit surprised, but then again, today seemed to be full of surprises. 

“Yes, I’m sure,” Harry said firmly. “And is that new cologne?” he asked with a smirk. “I don’t remember you smelling like coffee.”

Louis rolled his eyes, reaching for the door handle. “Just a memento of my stupendous day. Now let’s talk about fixing your little girl’s heart.” He opened the door and held it for Harry to walk through. As Harry walked by, Louis couldn’t help but notice he still smelled the same. As much as he hated to admit it, for the first time in a long time, one of the hearts on Louis’ mind was his own.

~~~~

On tough days, sometimes Harry would imagine what it would be like to see Louis again. He would wonder if Louis’ hands were still soft, if he still wore his hair in a fringe that framed his blue eyes so well. He imagined going out for coffee with him and catching up on everything they had missed in the past fifteen years. When things got really bad, he would even daydream of introducing Louis to Alice. But that was as far as his imagination went, because Harry knew how much of a fantasy that was.

And that’s why, when he walked back into the room where Alice was waiting and saw the guy he’d loved as a teenager sitting by his daughter’s feet and making her smile, Harry thought he must be dreaming. It was only when he saw his shock mirrored on Louis’ face that he knew otherwise.

When he’d pulled Louis out into the hallway, he instantly regretted it. He just hadn’t wanted Alice to witness it if he humiliated himself. He tried to hide behind sarcasm to protect his heart, but Louis matched him parry for parry, like only Louis ever could. Harry hadn’t wanted to argue with him, so when Louis offered a truce, he took it gladly. When Louis’ hand had landed on him comfortingly as he talked about Alice, he was suddenly his teenage self again, crying on the couch as he came out to his mother all while Louis’ arm braced him with strength. He supposed that as much as some things changed, some would always stay the same.

As Louis ushered him back into the room, his words echoed in Harry’s head. _Zayn and I are the best._ Harry had always trusted Louis before and Louis had never led him astray, even when he told Harry that things would be forever changed once he left for New York. He hoped that Louis wouldn’t break the streak now. 

“Princess Alice,” Louis said, bowing to her, “let’s get down to business.” Louis took a seat on a rolling stool and flipped open his laptop. Harry sat down on a chair next to Alice and took her hand. 

“So I see you have a bit of a heart murmur, Princess,” Louis remarked, looking over Alice’s test results from her doctor visits in London. Harry kept his eyes fixed on Louis while he studied the screen, trying to read his expression. He wished he knew what kind of reassurance he was looking for.

“Have your doctors back in London told you what that means?” Louis’ eyes flicked up to meet Harry’s, holding his gaze as if he were trying to communicate something. The pit of Harry’s stomach filled with shards of ice. So the other doctors had been right.

Alice’s problem was moderate right now, but she’d declined at a concerningly fast rate. It would only be a short matter of time, a year or two at most, before her situation became severe. At that point, the surgery would be riskier, and Alice would be missing a lot of critical time in school. But how was he supposed to sign off on a heart surgery for his six-year-old daughter like it was no big deal?

“Yes, Dr. Lou,” Alice said when Harry neglected to answer after a few beats. “Daddy told me this is a special place where the people are going to wave their magic wands and fix me,” Alice told Louis excitedly.

Louis raised an eyebrow at Harry for a moment, who sent him a pleading look to just go with it. Thank god Louis had had enough younger siblings that he knew what to do. “Well, I’m not sure I’d call this a wand,” Louis said as he held up his pen, “but we certainly do work magic here,” he assured her.

Alice’s face lit up. “I knew you were one of the magic people, Dr. Lou! Does that mean you can fix my heart?” she asked. Harry fiddled with the hem of his shirt and looked at the floor, not wanting Alice to notice his anxiety.

“Well, it won’t be done today, but I can promise you that Dr. Zayn and I will do our very best to make you just like new,” Louis said. Alice cheered in response. “You see, young princess,” he continued, “we’re experts at fixing broken hearts.” When Harry looked up, Louis’ blue eyes were aimed right at him.

~~~

Louis groaned and kneaded at his temples as he sat down at his desk. He’d just finished his last appointment of the day and was eager to go home. The only thing holding him back was the throbbing pain in his head. He was just reaching for the bottle of painkillers in his desk drawer when the office door cracked open. “Zayn,” he said, “I think I’m going to die.”

“Really?” Zayn asked, smirking. The door closed softly behind him. “What from this time? The screaming baby in the waiting room, the horrible fluorescent lighting, or your blue balls?”

Louis threw a pen at him, which Zayn easily dodged. “You’re not helping. Go away.”

Zayn came over to perch on the edge of Louis’ desk, an amused look on his face. “No, I’m sure it’s the blue balls, actually. Especially now that your ex-boyfriend walked into your office looking like sex on a stick,” he chuckled. When Louis glared at him, Zayn held up his hands in surrender. “Magdalena’s words, not mine.”

Louis popped a capsule into his mouth, chasing it down with a long sip of water. He toyed with the cap on the water bottle while Zayn waited patiently. He remembered the way that Harry’s clothes fit so perfectly, skimming over the lean muscles of his chest and legs without looking too suggestive. The very thought made Louis blush, so he averted his face. “He did look good,” Louis admitted. “Just like I remembered, but bigger, older.”

“Hmm, I wonder what else is bigger,” Zayn muttered teasingly. 

“Stop it, Zayn,” Louis warned. “I don’t need thoughts like that right now. It’s hard enough seeing him again.”

Zayn laughed and shook his head. “No, Lou, those are exactly the kinds of thoughts you should be having. How long has it been since you went out with anyone? I mean he’s not married and you know he’s got to be attracted to you still. Maybe you should ask him out.”

Louis thought guiltily of the curly-haired little girl who was now a candidate for heart surgery. “Not when we’re about to be operating on his daughter’s heart,” Louis spat, turning to face Zayn once more. “That’s unethical.”

“Funny you should say that,” Zayn said, narrowing his eyes. “I could swear it was me they were here to see, not you.”

Louis scoffed. “You know damn well we at least consult with each other on every case. If you expect me to let you take care of Harry’s daughter all by yourself and not say a damn thing, then you’re out of your mind.” Louis didn’t care if he was pissing Zayn off. Alice wasn’t just another patient to him—she was Harry’s daughter, the daughter he and Harry might have had together, if only life had gone a little differently.

“So you’re just going to invite yourself to scrub in for her surgery?” Zayn asked, crossing his arms. “And here I thought you trusted me.”

“I do, Zayn, but you don’t understand.” Louis shook his head. He stood so he and Zayn were eye to eye. Zayn looked back at him challengingly. “Listen, I will do whatever it takes so that when we go talk to him after the surgery, all we have to say is that she came through with flying colors. Anything less than that is not fucking acceptable, okay?” he said through gritted teeth.

Zayn’s gaze softened a bit as he nodded slowly. “Wow,” he said after a while. He looked at Louis curiously. “You really do still love him, don’t you?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Louis grumbled. “How can you love someone you haven’t seen in over a decade?” He threw his hands up in the air.

“You’ve known him longer than you’ve known some of your siblings, Lou,” Zayn pointed out. “That doesn’t just go away.”

Louis started pacing the room. “No, but the comfort we used to have with each other is gone,” he said. “And yet…sometimes, when I was talking to him today, it was just so easy to forget how everything ended.” He stopped by the window of his office, watching the people below in the courtyard. There was a little boy sitting in the grass, playing with caterpillars. But instead of crushing them, he was simply letting them run along his fingers as he grinned down at them. He could barely hear the boy’s voice proclaiming “Mommy, I found it. It’s my caterpillar!”

Louis felt a hand land on his shoulder. “You know, we still have to review the case with them one more time before we schedule the surgery,” Zayn reminded him. Louis nodded. They stood in silence for a few minutes while Louis watched the scene in the courtyard.

“I can’t believe this is happening to me,” Louis whispered. The little boy outside was placing the caterpillar safely on a flower now, promising he’d come back soon. “What does it even mean?”

“I think it means you’re finally getting your second chance, Lou,” Zayn said, patting Louis on the back. “I hope you’re ready.”

Louis watched as the little boy ran back to his mother and wondered if the boy would still recognize his caterpillar once it became a butterfly.

~~~

Harry was tucking Alice into bed that night when she asked the question he was dreading. “Daddy?”

“Yes, baby?” he asked, sitting on the edge of the bed. The look he gave her was one of concern.

“Did…did Dr. Lou do something wrong?” she asked, worry causing her forehead to wrinkle.

Harry shook his head. “No, honey. Dr. Lou didn’t do anything wrong at all. Why do you ask?”

Alice tilted her head at her father. “You were kind of acting weird around him.”

Harry swallowed. Alice had heard stories about Harry’s life before her, of course, and that had included a basic overview of his relationship with Louis. However, Harry had never been very explicit about Louis or even mentioned his name when he told her their story. He was grateful for that now. “Well, honey, daddy used to um…know Dr. Lou. A very long time ago.”

Alice looked even more confused now. “You were friends with Dr. Lou? Did I meet him when I was a baby?”

Harry shook his head again. “No, I’m afraid not. He came over here years before you were born, when I was still a teenager.”

“Why did he leave, Daddy?” she asked.

Harry cast his eyes down so she wouldn’t see the pain in his gaze as he remembered the way Louis had been so anxious the day he told Harry he was leaving. He’d been jittery all day until Harry had finally cornered him and forced him to fess up that he’d gotten into a prestigious pre-medical program in New York. His uncle had some connections with the school and had managed to get him in for half the tuition, plus a free year of room and board at their best residence hall. He’d just called Louis that morning with the surprise. “It’s the chance of a lifetime, Harry,” he’d said as Harry had watched him, stunned, as his vision of their future together crumbled like the walls of Jericho. “And my uncle worked so hard to get this for me. He thought I would be thrilled. I—how can I say no?” Harry hadn’t understood until that moment what it meant when people said that if you loved someone, you had to let them go. It was a lesson that once he’d learned, he wished he could undo. Instead, he’d plastered a fake smile on his face and told Louis how happy he was for him, nodding when Louis kept saying they’d visit each other. Harry had known better, and much to his disappointment, he’d been right.

Harry looked back at his daughter, flashing forward fifteen years. He could never have guessed he’d end up in Louis’ office one day with his daughter, but life had a funny way of catching you off guard. “He came over here to go to school so he could help save little girls like you,” he told Alice.

Alice didn’t giggle like he’d hoped. Instead, she frowned, picking up on her father’s discomfort. “Did you miss him, Daddy?” she asked quietly.

Harry hung his head. “Yeah,” he admitted. “Yeah, I missed him a lot. But you know what? If he hadn’t come over here all those years ago, he wouldn’t be here to help fix your heart. So maybe it all worked out all right,” he said with a tight smile. His answer seemed to satisfy Alice well enough. She smiled back at him as he kissed her forehead and turned off the light. He lay down on the other side of the bed, struggling to fall asleep. He wished for a moment that Amy was here so that she could distract Alice from Harry’s distress over lost love. Yet, thinking of Amy just made his heart ache even more. She was just another person he’d loved who was taken away from him and now he was fighting to keep his daughter, too. Harry had never felt more alone than he did lately.

He wondered if there was something to the explanation he’d given Alice. Maybe Louis had been meant to leave so that someday, when Harry and his daughter needed him, Louis could save them both. Fate had a strange way of tearing things apart just to build them up again. If this was fate giving him a second chance at happiness, then Harry hoped he was brave enough to take it.


	2. The Day They Ran Into Each Other

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's your chapter 2—all 16,000 words of it! Be prepared for copious amounts of symbolism, just because I can. Also, this chapter features Harry and flowers, because it’s the best thing ever. The flowers they talk about in this chapter do have meanings.
> 
> Purple hyacinth—sorrow, forgiveness. The hyacinth’s roots in Greek mythology add an extra touch. I recommend you read about it [here](https://flowermeanings.org/hyacinth-flower-meaning/)
> 
> Forget-me-not—fidelity, loyalty, memories, true love, undying love. It basically means everything you would expect it to mean.
> 
> ***Just a warning that Jay is in this chapter. She’s in a phone conversation in the very first section and a brief flashback later in the chapter, so be aware if that bothers you. Also, this chapter gets a little dark, especially during the last scene, when Amy is brought up again. I'm probably being way too cautious, but I don’t want anyone to be triggered, so please read with care. Harry just suffers from a bit of depression and his thoughts about himself and his life aren’t the kindest.***
> 
>  
> 
> I’m not from New York, so I’m trying to be as generic as possible in my descriptions of the places they go. I’m also not a cardiologist, but I know enough to know I’m going to be portraying things inaccurately. For instance, Alice’s surgery comes up pretty quickly and her exact procedure and type of heart condition are going to be vague so I don’t totally screw it up. That being said, if anyone reading this does have some expertise on either subject that they think could help, I’m totally open to it.
> 
> Thanks for reading. Enjoy!

_My Dearest Hazza,_

_My classes start today, and I couldn’t be more terrified. What if I’m shit at this? What if I’m too British? What if it’s boring and I hate it? There are so many aspects of this that I was just too excited to really think through. I wish you were here to tell me one of those corny jokes I always made fun of. I could really use one right now. I’d roll my eyes and poke your dimples and we’d laugh for ten minutes straight. Except you’re not here. And I’m not sure what to do with that._

_I know that things have changed between us since we started dating a couple of years ago, but first and foremost, you’ve always been my best friend. So when I tell you that I miss you, I don’t just mean the kisses and the cuddles, but also the lazy days spent playing video games and watching movies on the couch, or our Friday pizza dates, or those whispered phone calls on the worst nights, when we couldn’t sleep for worrying, and just needed to remember that we still had each other, even if the rest of the world fell apart. I never meant to give that up when I left, but I guess that was what my leaving meant for you._

_I tried to call you last night. I ~~wanted~~ _needed_ to hear your voice so badly that I could taste it. The phone rang and rang, but you never answered. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised after what I’ve done to break us apart, but it still stings to know that you don’t even want to talk to me. I meant it when I promised you that this wasn’t goodbye forever, and I’m trying so hard to keep that promise to you. I’ll keep fighting for you until you tell me to stop, even if all I can give you right now is a phone call. _

_It’s 8:45 now, and my class starts in fifteen minutes. I keep telling myself it’ll be a good distraction from the thoughts that have kept me up every night, but we both know I’m going to spend the whole lecture watching my phone, waiting to hear from you. Please let me hear your voice, Harry. I just need to know I haven’t lost you forever. I know that everything has a cost, but I never wanted the cost to be you. Please don’t let this be how our story ends._

_Love you always,_

_Lou  
_

~~~

Louis called his mother early the next morning, meaning it was nearly lunchtime where she was in England. When his mom answered, her voice was chipper. “Boobear, it’s so great to hear from you. It’s been a while.”

Louis winced. “Yeah, I’m sorry about that, mum. I’ve just been really busy is all,” he said. It sounded like a lame excuse, even to his own ears. “How is everyone?”

“Ernie and Doris are in school, doing quite well, actually. Daisy and Phoebe are renting an apartment in London together now. Lottie’s husband just got a promotion. Oh, and Fizzy’s engagement party is next week. I’m not sure if you got the invitation, but I don’t expect you to cross an ocean just for that.”

Louis huffed out a breath. "Mum, I can't just leave the country with only a few weeks' notice. I have surgeries and appointments scheduled. But I'll be there for the wedding, I promise. Have they set a date yet?"

Louis' mother laughed. "Goodness, no. They're taking their time and making it perfect. Lottie is helping her every step of the way."

"Naturally," Louis said, rolling his eyes. "I'd expect nothing less of those two."

Silence settled between them again, and it wasn't necessarily a comfortable thing. He and his mother spoke less and less what with Louis' demanding career and his mother juggling six other children, never mind the ocean between them. Now they only really made the effort when something important happened or one of them was in a rough spot. Louis couldn't imagine anything much rougher than running into your teenage love over a decade later when you still haven't moved on. 

Jay sighed into the phone. "So is anything new with you? We don't get time to talk like we used to."

Louis felt a pang of guilt at her acknowledgment of his neglect of their family. He made a mental note to try to call at least a couple of times each month. "Um, well...it's a funny thing, mum," he began. "You'll never believe who walked into my office yesterday."

"Who do you mean, darling?" she asked gently. Judging by her sympathetic tone, it was almost like...no, that wasn't possible. His mother wouldn't keep something like that from him. Would she?

"You knew," Louis breathed into the receiver. 

"Yes," Jay admitted slowly. 

Louis wanted to punch something. He probably would have, except his hands were the most important thing on his body. Which was beyond frustrating at the moment. "Why didn't you _tell_ me?" Louis demanded. 

"Well, honey, I just didn't want you to stress out about it before anything even happened. I didn't want you to overthink the situation. Besides, nobody ever mentioned you by name, so I thought they were going to see your partner, not you. Is that not what happened?" She seemed worried now and Louis felt even worse for upsetting her. As much as he wished he had gotten a head's up about Harry and his daughter, Louis knew his mother was right not to tell him. Louis wasn't sure how he would've reacted if he'd had time to stew over it beforehand. It had been bad enough without any warning. 

"It's fine, mum," he assured her. "Really. You were right not to tell me. And um...Zayn may have been stuck in the OR, and I may have inadvertently been thrown into an exam room with my ex and his surprise daughter. So...yeah. Happy days."

Louis heard a sharp intake of breath on the other end of the line. "I'm so sorry, Louis," she rushed out. "If I had known it would be any more than a passing glance, I wouldn't have kept it a secret. You know that." She paused for a moment and Louis felt like he had nothing left to say. "Was it okay, at least? Did you guys end up arguing?"

Louis squeezed his eyes tightly and rested his forehead in his palm. "It was a bit contentious at first," he admitted. "But we got through it. I just—I can't believe everything his daughter is going through. I didn't even know he _had_ a daughter. Mum, did you know any of this? How did you know he would be here?"

"Well, it's not like Anne is a stranger. Our kids grew up together. We thought we were going to be...it doesn't matter now," she said glumly. "If you must know, Anne and I go out to lunch at least once a year and of course we sometimes run into each other. I've even seen Harry a few times. He really did grow up to be handsome, Louis. I wish—"

"Don't say it, mum," Louis said, cutting her off. "I tried, you know I did. It just got too hard to keep being rejected, so I gave up." 

"Things are different now, Louis. Maybe it wasn't time before," she mused. They were both silent for a beat, letting the thought settle. "You know, when Anne told me that Harry's daughter was having heart trouble, I immediately thought of you and I knew that in spite of everything with Harry, or maybe because of it, you would do anything to help his little girl. And when she told me that he was taking her to New York to this world-renowned group of surgeons that Alice's cardiologist recommended, I didn't ask any questions. I just knew it was you and Zayn. I suppose it was lucky they'd referred him to Zayn and not you, or else I'm not sure he'd have gone."

Louis felt a pang of sadness and guilt at the thought that Harry wouldn't have come to New York if he'd known whose office he was walking into. He knew his own heart still ached, but he never dreamed that maybe Harry's was still broken, too. "Mum, I hate to pry, but...Alice's mother?"

Jay hummed sadly. "You know, darling, there are some things I think you're better off to ask Harry about. But I will say this: his life hasn't been an easy one—especially lately. Please promise me you won't make it any harder for him. That boy loved you with all his heart. And I don't think he's ever recovered."

"I know, mum," Louis forced out. Now he couldn't keep thoughts of a downtrodden Harry, struggling through life's trials and tribulations, from invading his thoughts. There were so many times when Louis wished he'd still had Harry by his side, but he hadn't dared to hope that maybe Harry had needed him just as much. And he wasn't there. Louis’ hatred for himself and his selfishness had returned with a vengeance. He needed to get off the phone with his mother pronto before he took it out on her. "Umm, I should let you go. I didn't mean to..." He trailed off, unable to finish the sentence. 

"It's okay, Boobear," she told him. "Just please remember to take care of yourself, okay? Harry and Alice, too. He may be older now, but he'll always need you, Louis. Promise me you won't let him down."

Louis' heart felt heavy in his chest as he answered her. He thought of green eyes smiling up at him while they played in Harry's yard and the way they'd shone when Louis had first told Harry that he loved him. Then he remembered those same eyes, pooling with tears that refused to spill as Louis had kissed him for the last time. The memories grew stronger and more painful by the second. "I won't," he whispered. "Bye, mum."

When Louis hung up the phone, he didn't punch a wall, like he'd so desperately wanted to. Instead, he walked into his bedroom and over to his nightstand. He opened the middle drawer and reached inside, feeling around the mess until his hand was met with paper and smooth leather. He smiled weakly as he extracted the journal from its hiding place and sat down on his bed, reaching for a pen. 

He wasn't sure if he could ever tell Harry all of the things he had to say to him or that Harry would even listen if he tried. And so Louis talked to Harry the only way he knew how anymore. It had never felt like a replacement for the real thing before, and having seen Harry himself just yesterday, it seemed like less than ever. Nonetheless, he wrote, because he'd never had more to say.

~~~

“Daddy, I wanna see the city! It’s _so_ big!” Alice said as she pounced on top of Harry and turned her green eyes on him. 

Harry groaned. He didn’t really feel like doing much today. Even if the strain of the time difference and the long flight from the day before hadn’t knocked him off his feet, the anxiety of seeing Louis again after so many years surely would have done him in by itself. But at the same time, Harry never wanted to disappoint Alice. That year had been a difficult one, to say the least. Losing a parent at such a young age was a horror that no parent wanted their child to endure. Still, Alice had done an amazing job of coping with her grief. For Harry, it was a different story. He spent so much time making sure Alice’s life was full enough that she didn’t notice Amy’s absence that he still hadn’t allowed himself time to cope with the loss.

Harry had chosen to have a child on his own when he realized that no one could ever truly fill the place by his side. No one except for the boy who didn’t love him anymore. When he’d told Amy, his best friend from college, of his plan, she’d jumped at the chance to be his surrogate and egg donor. She had been so sure that a baby would give Harry the push he needed to move on. 

In a way, Amy had been right. Alice had been just what Harry needed. Their family had been one of the least conventional he’d ever seen, what with Amy not even living under the same roof as him and Alice, but Harry had cherished their time together just the same. He hadn’t realized how much he needed someone by his side until he lost the feeling for the second time in his life. And now his former love was being dropped into his lap, like a gift from above. Harry couldn’t help but wonder if it was Amy up there, putting the pieces of his life into place for him, the way it was always meant to be. He knew that the wounds in his heart would never go away completely, but maybe reconciling with Louis, even just as a friend, was the first step to healing what was broken inside him.

“Where would you like to go, baby girl?” Harry asked, feeling hopeful for once. 

“I wanna go _everywhere_ ,” she said, giggling. “Can we go on an adventure, Daddy? Please?”

Harry smiled as he sat up and smoothed Alice’s hair back. “Of course we can. Let’s see what there is to do around here.” Harry reached for his phone and opened the webpage he’d bookmarked of family friendly attractions in the city. He knew that this trip wasn’t supposed to be a fun vacation, but he just couldn’t take his daughter all the way across the ocean to the biggest city in the US and not give her a day or two of enjoyment. 

“Hmm, does a museum sound like fun?” Alice thought for a second and then shook her head. “A zoo?” Alice shook her head again. Harry rolled his eyes. “Why don’t we just go to a movie, then?”

“Yeah, let’s go to a movie!” she said. “Can we please, Daddy?”

“Of course,” Harry said, smiling at her. 

And that was how they ended up wandering in and out of doors down Fifth Avenue, going anywhere but a theatre. 

“Daddy, let’s go in here,” Alice said, pointing through a glass window at a selection of little girls’ accessories. “Look at all the flowers! Wouldn’t they look so pretty in my hair?”

Harry checked his phone, seeing that the movie they’d been heading to see had started ten minutes ago. There was no reason to tell her no anymore, so Harry nodded. Alice jumped up and down and ran for the door as Harry held it open for her. When they stepped through the doorway, Alice made a beeline for the floral headbands. She inspected them all carefully, as if her choice of headpiece could realign the stars. She pulled three from the rack, placing all of them in her hair simultaneously. When she turned to see her reflection in the little mirror, she grinned widely. Harry couldn’t help but laugh. “Can I get them all, Daddy?” she pleaded, turning around to face him with her hair askew and a big smile on her face. 

Harry never wanted to tell Alice no, especially with her impending surgery, but he’d already been to a loan office, discussing his options to pay for her upcoming hospital bills and all of their travel costs. He didn’t want to spend any more in the meantime than he absolutely had to. “Can you pick just one, Princess?” A pang of guilt settled in his stomach as her smile fell a little. Harry felt like the worst dad in the world. 

Alice returned one of the headbands to the shelf, looking crestfallen. Harry was just about to stop her when the sound of a familiar voice behind him left him paralyzed with more emotions than he could name. "What's a princess doing with fake flowers in her hair? Surely such a beautiful young lady deserves something as stunning and real as she is?"

Louis' voice, all at once a beacon of affection and the call of a predator, sent chills up Harry’s spine. How that voice had made his heart flutter so many years ago, whispering promises in his young ears. He'd been so naive to believe in them all, but in the moment, it had felt sublime to envision the beautiful picture of their life together, just as Louis always painted it.

"Dr. Lou!" Alice squealed, dropping the remaining headbands and rushing over to Louis. She wrapped her arms around his legs tightly, nearly knocking him off his feet. 

Harry watched as Louis lifted Alice and twirled her around while she giggled with delight. Her smile was the biggest it had been that day, even with all the shopping and presents Harry had given her already. Louis was making his daughter's day with just his presence, and it hadn't cost a thing. Harry tried not to be jealous, because he knew the allure all too well. 

Louis set Alice lightly on the floor again. "What are you doing at a little girls’ store, Dr. Lou? Do you have a little girl like me?"

Harry's throat nearly constricted at the thought. Louis knew that Harry wasn't married, but Harry hadn’t thought to ask whether Louis had a family of his own. The nagging jealousy he felt at the possibility seemed petty considering he was standing there with a six year old. 

If Louis could tell, he only showed it in his knowing smirk as he answered Alice. "No, Princess. Actually, I'm here shopping for my niece." He held up a set of clip-on earrings and a star necklace. Harry had heard that Lottie had a little girl, but he didn't even know her name or how old she was. He felt ashamed that the people who he'd once thought of as family, future in-laws even, were strangers to him now. And he didn't have the excuse of living across an ocean from them, like Louis did.

Alice nodded approvingly. "They're pretty."

Louis laughed again. "I'm glad I picked well. Now all we need is a little something for you."

Alice ran back to the discarded headbands and held them up for Louis, expression distraught. "Daddy said I can only get one. Which one is prettier?"

If Harry had wished for the ground to swallow him whole before, that was nothing compared to now. Now he looked like a jerk who got off on making his daughter upset when she was about to go through heart surgery. 

"Hmm," Louis said, appraising the selection of fake flowers and smooth ribbon. He tapped his chin thoughtfully. "You know, none of these look quite right for a princess. What if I told you that I could take you somewhere to get a _real_ flower headband?"

Alice's eyes widened. "Really? Where, Dr. Lou?"

"I know a special place that I bet has just the right flowers for you. If that's okay with your dad," he added, looking up at Harry for his approval. 

Harry was surprised to see there was no judgment in his eyes. "Um...yeah, if she wants," he managed to choke out.

"Excellent," Louis said with a smile as he stood up. Once he'd paid for his gifts for his niece, he met them right outside the shop door. "Ready, love?" he asked. He caught Harry turning his head to nod before realizing Louis was addressing Alice, not him. Harry blushed and aimed his face up at the sky to avoid Louis' smirk. It was going to be a long, humiliating day for Harry. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt so excited.

~~~ 

When Louis wandered into the accessory shop to look for a gift to send his niece, he never would have guessed he'd be leaving the shop with Harry and his daughter in tow. But here he was, meandering down the streets of New York with his long-lost love toward his favorite flower shop. 

Harry walked next to him with Alice skipping happily along a couple of feet ahead. Louis tried not to notice how good Harry smelled. He needed something to distract himself from the too-friendly thoughts worming their way into his head. Maybe Harry was having the same problem, because he suddenly spoke up.

"So, what are you doing out and about today? You’re a surgeon. Shouldn't you be at the hospital?" Harry asked. He blanched instantly, as though realizing the foolishness of what he'd just said.

Louis just smirked at him, admiring the pink tinge on Harry’s cheeks. "Do you still think teachers live at school?" he teased. 

Harry's face burned red. "I just meant it's a Tuesday. Don't you—never mind," Harry said, shaking his head. 

Louis laughed and nudged Harry's shoulder. "Don't worry, Harold. I think it would seem weird to most people. To answer your question, I'm actually on call today."

Harry looked at him warily, like he was afraid Louis was just messing with him. "No, really," Louis said, holding his hands up in surrender. "The world is my oyster today. Well, at least the five-mile radius around the hospital is anyway."

Harry gave a chuckle and Louis struggled not to smile. He could still do that; he could still make Harry laugh in spite of fifteen years of pent-up longing and regret between them. “So where exactly are you taking us on this fine day?” Harry asked.

Louis tsked at him. “It’s a surprise, Harold. Besides, don’t you have any better questions to ask me?” he prompted, recycling Harry’s line from the day before.

Harry rolled his eyes, knowing exactly what Louis was doing. “Okay, fine then. We can play that game,” he said with a smirk. “Hmmm, so when you go home to the lovely penthouse I assume you have, what’s waiting for you there?” he asked.

It was a loaded question and Louis was sure Harry knew it. Louis’ answer would lay all the basics about his life bare for Harry to scrutinize, but Louis knew he didn’t have anything to hide per se. Harry reaching for Alice’s hand at a crosswalk bought him a few seconds to ponder his answer. "Well, um...just an empty apartment, I'm afraid. It is pretty swanky, though. And quiet, which is nice after being around so many people all day." For once, Louis wasn’t sure whether he was proud or ashamed of the life he’d built for himself. He’d worked so hard so that he could have a comfortable lifestyle. But looking at Harry, the first person who'd ever given Louis meaning and purpose, his life suddenly seemed lonely and contrived. 

Harry frowned at him. "Hmm, I always thought with how much you love kids, you would have had some of your own by now. I mean, I did," he said, holding up his and Alice's clasped hands as evidence. 

Louis shrugged off Harry's implications. He knew Harry didn’t mean it, but the way he’d said it made Louis feel like he’d disappointed Harry by not becoming the person Harry had always wanted him to be. He wondered what Harry would say if he knew that Louis had only wanted that life if it was with him. "I haven't really had the time for a family, I guess. It's kind of hard to say you want something and try to make it happen when you know it doesn't make sense for you to do it."

Harry laughed at him. "Lou, no one's ever really ready for a family. If you wait for a convenient time, you'll wait forever. When it's meant to be, it just kind of happens and you can't stop it,” he said with a shrug. “That's how I decided to have Alice."

Louis' footsteps faltered for a moment, before someone bumped into him, propelling him forward again. " _Decided_ to have her?" he asked, his brain working again.

"Yes," Harry said firmly, looking him in the eye. "She wasn't a decision I made lightly. And I can tell you that even though it hasn't been easy lately, I don't regret it. Not ever." Louis followed Harry's gaze to where it landed on Alice, who was giggling as she skipped down the sidewalk next to him. 

Louis' curiosity piqued as he recalled his mother's words from that morning. She had said that Harry's life was hard. Maybe this was what she’d meant. He lowered his voice in case Alice started listening. "So, what happened with her mother? I mean, I know you said you're not married. And I thought—I mean because we were together I-I guess I just don't understand." It wasn’t coming out right, and he had to stop himself before it got even worse.

Harry was looking at him with an amused smirk as he came to a halt on the sidewalk, Louis keeping pace with him automatically. "There are other ways to have children, you know," Harry said slowly. "Being a doctor and all, I would think you should know that."

Louis knew it made sense, and the relief he felt knowing that Harry hadn't moved on with a woman, even one who was clearly not in the picture anymore, was enough to make his day. But then another thought was nagging at his brain. "Do you know her mother, or did you use an egg donor?"

Harry looked down at Alice, who was tugging on his hand now. "Daddy, I see it! Let's go!" Harry glanced at Louis helplessly. "Later," he told Louis as they made their way to the door of the flower shop. Louis reached out to hold the door for Harry and Alice. "Princesses first," he said, winking at Alice before letting his eyes drift to Harry. He thought he saw a faint hint of color popping up on Harry's cheek, but he didn't have time to dwell on it before he heard Alice's gasp. 

"Daddy, it's a magical garden!" she cried. She scampered off toward the back of the shop, where Louis could just spot the spires of the fairy castle.

Harry stood stunned as he looked around the flower shop. Flowers were everywhere: twisting and twining their way up pillars and around arches, hanging from the ceiling, floating in water-filled votives. The summery glow of artificial sunlight lamps added an air of intrigue to the scene. It was a fairytale come to life. 

Louis patted Harry's shoulder and leaned up to whisper in his ear. "I think it's considered impolite to just stand in the doorway," he said with a soft laugh. 

Louis smiled to himself when Harry jolted at the feel of Louis' breath on his neck. It was like they were teenagers all over again, when all it took was a touch of his hand to make Harry’s breath stutter. He gave Harry's arm a slight brush as he swept past him, sauntering up to the counter, where a couple of ladies were waiting with wide smiles. One of them ran around the counter to wrap Louis in a hug. "Goodness, our boy is back! Good to see you, honey!"

"Gloria, I've missed you!” Louis said. “I'm so sorry I haven't had time to pop in lately."

Gloria was a pleasantly plump woman with a cheerful face, one of Louis' first friends when he made it to the states. She had worked in the front office of the college he'd started at. When he'd told her about being new to the country, she'd volunteered her daughter Courtney, a student at the same college, to show Louis the ropes of the city. Louis had loved her smart, sassy personality and they’d fallen into an easy friendship. 

Gloria smiled at Louis. "Oh, it's okay. We know you're busy now. As long as you don't decide you're too cool for us," she said with a chuckle, clapping him on the arm. 

"Who's the hunk with the adorable daughter?" Courtney asked quietly, leaning across the counter toward them. 

"Oh, he's um... an old friend is all.” 

Gloria and Courtney shared a look that indicated they'd noticed. "An old friend?" Courtney asked as she cocked her hip and rested her hand on it. "He has a British accent. Just how old of a friend are we talking about?"

Gloria laughed again. "I did notice that, now that you mention it," she said. They turned to watch Harry as he made his way over to Alice, who was across the shop from them. Harry laid his hand on his daughter’s shoulder, a fond smile settling over his features as she began talking animatedly. 

Gloria caught Louis watching them longingly and laid a hand on his shoulder. "It's him, isn't it?" Louis swallowed and gave a quick nod. Gloria had suffered through hearing all about his heartbreak as a teenager, glued him back together with hugs and cookies every time he’d gotten too lost in the memories. “Let’s see what kind of magic I can work.” She patted him on the shoulder and swept into the back room, Courtney in tow as they whispered conspiratorially.

If Louis didn’t have complete and total faith in them, he’d be terrified. He wandered over to where an awe-struck Alice was observing the fairy castle while Harry stood watch. “What do you think? Is this place the best, or what?” Louis asked as he came to a halt next to Harry.

Harry turned his smile on Louis. “I think it’s a winner,” he said, gesturing to where Alice was leaning in, chin propped on her hand. A serene smile sat on her face as she took in every detail, from the little glowing lights scattered throughout, to the fairies strung in the air just above the swirling spires.

“She seems captivated,” he said, smiling down at Harry’s daughter. Something in her expression reminded him so much of a little boy he’d once known—a little boy who was now the man standing beside him, smiling down at the same scene. Louis was struck with an odd sensation that this was how things were meant to be, in some other universe where he had never left England and the two people beside him were his family. Louis could imagine wrapping his arm around Harry’s waist and resting his head on Harry’s shoulder as they watched their daughter play. Louis pinched himself before he got too lost in his daydream. Fifteen years of the unknown had hurt enough; he didn’t need any more broken dreams floating around in his head at night.

“Daddy, it’s so pretty. Can I play with it?” Alice asked, turning to look at her dad with pleading eyes.

Harry looked to Louis for an answer. Louis knew the castle was something Courtney’s grandfather had built for her when she was little and that she cherished it. But on the other hand, it hadn’t been anything other than a lonely display for at least a decade. Surely something so magnificent shouldn’t be doomed to spend its life as a dust collector? 

Louis turned around to see Courtney and Gloria coming toward them. Courtney had her hands behind her back, hiding something. Louis eyed her suspiciously. “Hey, Courtney, do you mind if Alice plays with the castle?”

“Of course she can play with it,” Gloria answered, waving off Louis’ concern. “It was meant to be adored and played with. But only by special little girls,” she added, bopping Alice on the nose. Alice giggled back at her.

“Hey, Courtney,” Louis began, raising an eyebrow, “what’ve you got behind your back?”

“Only a little something I thought she might like,” Courtney said, nodding at Alice, who was getting a play-by-play of each part of the castle by Gloria. Harry listened in, an amused expression on his face. “I assumed you didn’t bring a little girl into a flower shop just so she could leave empty-handed.” She leaned in a little closer, dropping her voice to a whisper. “Especially when you really want to get her dad into your bed.” She started cackling with laughter.

Louis’ face flushed red. “I-I never said—”

“You didn’t have to,” she answered. “And if you must know, I brought her this.” She produced a flower crown of daisies, in white and various shades of pink, from behind her back. 

“It’s beautiful,” Louis said, reaching out to run his fingers over the soft petals. “How did you know?”

“Umm, it’s my job,” she reminded him. “I match people with just the right flower.”

“And that’s why your shop is like no other,” Louis declared. “Well, and you two are here, so that makes it pretty great as well,” he teased.

Courtney rolled her eyes. “Let’s give this little darling her flowers. I can’t wait to see her face.” She leaned in toward Alice, bending down to her level. “So I heard from Louis that you like flowers. Is that true?” she asked. Alice nodded. “What if I told you that I have some special flowers just for you?”

“Do you really?” Alice asked hopefully, tearing her eyes away from the fairy castle for the first time since entering the shop.

Courtney laughed and nodded. “I do. Would you like to see?”

“Please?”

Instead of answering, Courtney presented the flower crown to Alice with a flourish. The little girl promptly let out a gasp. “It’s so pretty! Thank you!” She flung her arms around Courtney’s waist as Courtney laid the flowers carefully in her hair, intertwining the petals with her curls so the crown would stay put. 

Soon, Gloria and Courtney were cooing over how adorable Alice looked while Harry snapped pictures of her. Feeling like he was out of place, Louis wandered away, inspecting the rest of the flowers in the shop. He stopped by an archway that was dotted with carnations. Louis reached up to touch the petals when he heard someone clearing their throat behind him. He turned around to find Harry watching him from a few steps away, twirling a small blue flower between his long fingers. “Hey, Harry. What’s up?”

“It’s a pretty shop, isn’t it?” Harry said, a smile playing at his lips as he wandered closer. 

“That it is,” Louis acknowledged. As much as he hated to admit it, he wasn’t prepared to have all of Harry’s attention on him. He didn’t know what to do or how to act so that Harry wouldn’t find him lacking. 

Harry looked back down at the small flower as he spun it back and forth delicately. “Such a pretty flower,” Harry mused, bringing it up to his nose. He closed his eyes as he breathed in the smell. “So sweet.” 

Now they were only a foot or so apart. Louis’ body vibrated with energy, high on the familiar feel of Harry’s closeness after being deprived for so long. 

“Here,” Harry said softly, holding the flower up to Louis’ face so he could smell it as well.

Louis closed his eyes as he inhaled the scent, sighing softly. “Forget me not,” he whispered. His eyes drifted open again to see that Harry’s expression had become just as gentle as it was guarded. “The flower, I mean. It’s a forget me not,” Louis explained. 

Harry tilted his head for a moment, searching Louis’ eyes. “You should have it,” he decided, tentatively reaching forward to tuck the stem into the pocket of Louis’ shirt. Louis held his breath at the feel of Harry’s fingertips against his chest. He was certain that if not for the thin layer of fabric separating their touch, the heat between them would have seared his skin. 

Louis reminded himself to breathe as Harry drew back with a shy smile. “Now you need one, too,” he told Harry. He craned his neck, searching. He finally exhaled as his eyes landed on the perfect flower. Louis plucked a single bloom from the bottom of the long stem and turned back around. “Purple hyacinth,” he said, holding the flower up for Harry to see.

Harry examined the flower, running his fingers along the petals. “It’s lovely,” he said dreamily.

Louis lifted the flower up to tuck it into Harry’s curls just above his ear. The purple of the flower complimented the blush of Harry’s skin perfectly and drew out the green in his eyes. Louis may as well have melted into a puddle right there. “Absolutely beautiful,” he agreed.

~~~

Louis was staring. He was staring at Harry like he wanted him, and Harry didn’t know what to do. The look on Louis’ face was more than just one of tortured passion, though; there was a tenderness, a vulnerability that Harry remembered from when they were younger and things were bad over at Louis’ house. 

Louis hadn’t wanted to leave his sisters behind, so he always brought them into his room and stayed curled up in the corner on the phone with Harry. They would talk quietly so his sisters couldn’t hear how scared he was, and Harry had just whispered soothing things to him through the receiver, hoping that that would be enough to guide Louis through. When he saw Harry the next day, Louis had always had this shameful look on his face, like he wasn’t sure if Harry would want to talk to him still. That had only made Harry want to hold onto him tighter.

Looking at the adult Louis before him, Harry saw in his expression the same scared boy he’d consoled so many times, whose fear was now Harry’s rejection and disdain after what he’d done to him, to them. His instinct was to reach out and comfort Louis, just as he always had. But how could he even pretend to reach him with the canyon of regret and pain that had opened between them? Harry looked away before his expression revealed too much. He was relieved when Courtney called across the shop to them. “Are you two stealing flowers over there?” she teased.

Louis’ laugh broke through the calmness of the moment they’d just shared. “Maybe just a couple.”

“Go right ahead! I don’t mind, as long as it’s in the name of happiness!” Gloria said as she sauntered towards them. “Now let me see what you’ve picked out.”

Louis pointed to his shirt pocket with a smile. “Harry stole this and gave it to me.” 

Gloria gave another hearty laugh. “Interesting choice,” she remarked, glancing at Harry. He could feel his face heating up. “Now what have you got?”

He tipped his head so she could see the flower Louis had placed in his hair. “Lou gave it to me. I swear he’s the thief here, not me.”

Gloria gave him that knowing look that all mothers somehow develop. “Of course he is. Now let me show you something over here that you’ll really love. You’ll have to excuse us, Lou.”

“Of course,” Louis said, watching as Gloria took Harry by the elbow and began leading him across the shop. 

Harry watched over his shoulder as Louis turned and went back to where Alice was playing with Courtney. He hadn’t been paying attention to where he was going and nearly stumbled into Gloria when she stopped short. “Sorry, god, I’m such a klutz lately. It’s getting embarrassing,” Harry said. He ran his fingers through his hair nervously.

“Oh, don’t worry about it, dear,” she reassured him. “We all have our off moments.”

Harry sighed, trying to gauge how much he could tell her. He supposed that with Louis and her being so close, she’d end up hearing it all anyway, so why not hear it from him? “I’ve been having a tough time lately, what with Alice being sick and…it’s just a lot.”

Gloria laid a hand on his shoulder and cast him a sympathetic smile. “So that’s what you’re doing out here.” It was more of a statement than a question.

“Yes, she…she needs surgery,” he said, turning to watch her where she was playing with the fairies. Soon she would be lying in a hospital bed in pain with a big scar on her chest. His stomach turned at the thought. Alice was his baby. It should be him needing surgery and healthcare, not her. 

Gloria looked at him thoughtfully. “Did you know it was his office you were going to?”

“No,” Harry replied truthfully. 

“And if you had known?”

“I-I don’t know if I would have made the trip here,” he said guiltily. “Is that awful of me?”

Gloria shook her head. “No, darling. You would have gotten her the care she needed elsewhere. It just might not have been on such a grand scale.” She paused for a moment. “They are great at what they do, though, so I wouldn’t worry if I were you.”

Harry grimaced. “No offense, but it’s easy to be confident when it’s not your child being put on the operating table.” To be honest, it was a train of thought that Harry tried to avoid at all costs, or else he’d lose his mind.

Luckily, Gloria hadn’t taken his outburst as rudeness. “That’s true, dear. Absolutely true. But if you knew how much care he puts into each child’s life he saves, you might see things a bit differently.” She hesitated a moment, watching over his shoulder. Harry turned to see Louis playing with Alice while Courtney took a video on her phone. If Harry didn’t know any better, he’d say Louis looked just as much like a father to Alice as he did. He couldn’t help the images that flashed through his mind of raising Alice into a beautiful young lady, no longer alone, but with Louis at his side to help fix her hair for dances or teach her how to drive. It was just enough, yet too much all at once. 

Gloria noticed him watching them and smiled, seeming to read his thoughts. “Your daughter is a lovely girl,” she told him. “You’ve raised her well. I know it isn’t an easy thing to do alone.”

Harry was barely even taken aback by how Gloria seemed to guess everything. He got the vibe that somehow she just knew. “I’ve tried my best. Sometimes I’m not so sure if it worked,” Harry said with a chuckle. “Thank you, by the way,” he added. “For letting Alice play with the fairy castle, I mean.”

Gloria’s answering smile glowed. “Any friend of Louis’ is a friend of ours. Besides,” she continued, dropping her voice lower, “Louis more than keeps us in business. I could have anything repaired if she broke it.”

Harry looked at her curiously. “How do you mean?”

“Oh, Louis sends flowers to all of his patients after their surgeries. He sends to Zayn’s patients as well,” she added. “On behalf of the practice.” 

Harry’s mouth dropped open a bit. So Louis was one of the top customers (if not the top customer) of his friends’ flower shop. Harry knew that Louis had always been endlessly supportive, perhaps to a fault. He remembered how Louis bought baked goods for all of his family members’ birthdays and events from the bakery Harry had worked at, as if no other bakery even existed anymore. Harry had always found it secretly endearing. He smiled as he watched Louis from across the shop, wondering just how much of the boy he’d loved was still present in the man he’d grown into. Just at that moment, Louis glanced over at him. When he caught Harry already looking at him, he locked eyes with Harry and smiled before turning away again. Harry felt his cheeks heat up, knowing he’d been caught.

“I know you used to be close with him,” Gloria said softly. “Maybe this is a chance to start over.”

Harry’s cheeks blazed a little hotter, knowing what she was implying. Of course Louis had talked about him. God knows Harry had blabbed about him to anyone who would listen, so why shouldn’t Louis have done the same? It just felt strange to be talking to someone who knew him through Louis’ eyes, in spite of him never having met her. “I-I’m not sure…I mean, yes, we used to date, but…that was a long time ago and…h-he left me. And now Alice is here for surgery with Zayn. How can I even think of something like that right now?” He threw his hands up in the air.

Gloria placed her hands on her hips and faced him. “Fifteen years ago, I met a lovely young man who had just come to a new country all alone and left his sweetheart behind so he could pursue his dreams. He was scared to death and heartbroken. He asked me if he’d made a huge mistake and if he should go back. And do you know what I said to him? I told him that your relationship was forever changed when he got on that plane, and that if he could leave in the first place, he wasn’t ready to commit to you. I told him to grow and achieve so that if, after all was said and done, he still felt the urge to go back, he would be the kind of man who had something to offer you.” 

She gently turned him to face Louis again, who was crouched down by Alice as she placed her flower crown atop his head. He felt something warm and comforting blooming in his chest as he watched the easy way his former love and his daughter fit together. “He’s never believed that he was ready to see you again, but now here you are, older and wiser, and with the choice to do things differently. Even if you can’t give him a second chance, Harry, at least try to forgive the poor thing so he can finally move on.” 

Harry opened his mouth, but no words came out. He had always viewed himself as the victim in this situation, the one who was left behind with a broken heart. Now Gloria, someone who’d known Louis just as long as they had been apart, was telling him that Louis had been in just as much pain? He’d always assumed that Louis had made peace with the possibility of a future without Harry before they even said goodbye. To think that Louis had spent just as many nights falling asleep with tearstains on his pillowcase, under the same stars, yet an ocean away, turned his whole world upside down. He remembered the phone calls he’d ignored for weeks, unable to face the possibility that Louis’ new life was so much more glamorous than anything he’d had with Harry. He recalled his relief and sadness when the calls had finally stopped. What if Louis had been calling him for the same reasons that Harry hadn’t answered? How foolish and young they’d been. Maybe Gloria was right. Louis hadn’t been ready to build a life with Harry, but maybe Harry wouldn’t have been ready either.

“Look, Harry,” Gloria said, taking his hand, “all I know is that he looked so over-the-moon to walk in here with you today, to show you off to his _American_ family. I’m willing to bet that you’ve missed him just as much as he’s missed you. Maybe if you’re both willing to put aside your pride, it won’t be just Alice’s heart that gets healed in New York.” She patted his hand and placed a small white rose in it before leaving him alone with his thoughts.

As Harry watched Alice giggle and cling to Louis, he may or may not have let himself wonder just for a minute what life could be like if he fought harder for Louis this time.

~~~

“Daddy, where are we going now?”

Harry’s eyes were fixed on the window of the flower shop. He could just see Louis where he lingered near the hydrangeas as he talked with Gloria. He took note of the serious look that had landed over Louis’ expression. Harry couldn’t imagine what Gloria was saying to Louis, but he imagined it had something to do with him and Alice. He tore his gaze away and smiled down at his daughter. “I’m not sure, baby. Did you still want to go see a movie?”

Alice tilted her head and tapped her chin with her finger. “Can we see whatever movie I want?”

“Of course,” Harry laughed. “What, did you think I was going to drag you there to see a scary movie?”

“No, you wouldn’t, Daddy,” she said confidently. “Because you don’t like scary movies either.” She skipped around on the sidewalk waving her flower crown at all of the passersby.

Harry heard the door of the shop open behind him and he turned to see Louis step out onto the sidewalk. When Louis came up beside him, Harry saw his hand twitch, as if he were going to place it on Harry’s back, like he used to. He tried to quell his disappointment as Louis’ hand fell back to his side. Old habits die hard, Harry supposed. 

“So where is the little princess off to with her new flower crown?” Louis asked. He reached his hand out to spin Alice in a neat circle. 

“Daddy said we can go see a movie!” she said excitedly. “We were supposed to go this morning, but I made us late,” she added shyly.

“That sounds like a fun thing to do. The theatres over here have way better snacks than in London,” Louis said.

Alice’s eyes got big. “Daddy doesn’t like when I have bad snacks. He says it’s bad for my heart.” She looked at Harry nervously.

And there Harry was, looking like the cruelest father in the world once more. He wasn’t sure if he was just overly sensitive because Louis was there, but he was starting to get a complex about his parenting skills. Harry reached down to brush Alice’s curls out of her eyes. She was pouting slightly. “I didn’t say you couldn’t ever have any. I just want to make sure you’re as strong and healthy as you can be with your heart making you sick,” he explained. “But your doctor probably knows better than I do,” he added, looking at Louis.

Louis checked his phone, probably making sure he hadn’t missed any calls from the hospital. “Um, well, I’m still free for the afternoon,” he announced. “I think we can come up with a compromise. There’s a theatre by my place that’s a bit nicer. As in the bad food is at least actual food,” he told them with a laugh.

Alice tugged at Harry’s shirt, urging him to say yes. A minimum of ninety minutes trapped in a theatre with his ex and his daughter sounded like equal parts heaven and hell. But with Alice having one of her best days in so long, how could he cut it short?

Harry nodded at Alice. “Okay, baby girl. Whatever makes you happy.” Alice’s face broke out into a smile. He took Alice’s hand in his own, preparing to shepherd her down the busy sidewalk. When he looked back up at Louis, he saw the other man watching them. Harry caught a glimpse of a fond smile before it dissipated into something more casual. “Well, I think your afternoon is now booked,” Harry told him. “Now where is this fancy theatre with real food?” 

“I’ll lead the way,” Louis said. Louis was just about to turn around when Harry saw a sight he’d only dreamed of. Alice was reaching up her free hand for Louis to hold. He smiled when he saw Louis accept it. Harry remembered the first time he’d reached for Louis’ hand, when they were at the petting zoo on a day trip with Harry’s mom and Harry was afraid the pony would bite him. Louis had laughed and told him that he would beat up anything that tried to hurt Harry. Harry had simply reached out his hand, and Louis had taken it in his own, like it had always been his.

“I hope you still love animated movies,” Harry teased as they started to move down the sidewalk.

“Animated?” Louis asked, feigning distaste. “I thought we were going to watch a grown-up movie. You know, the kind with lots of kissing,” Louis teased.

“Gross!” Alice yelled, making a face.

Harry and Louis laughed together this time. “I know it sounds hard to believe,” Harry told her, “but someday you won’t think it’s so gross anymore.”

“No way,” Alice said, shaking her head vigorously. “I’m always gonna think it’s gross.”

“We’ll see,” Harry said. He looked over at Louis and when he saw him looking back, they shared a secret smile. So many years ago, they’d both felt the same way. And it hadn’t taken very many years before they changed their minds. 

"By the way, where's your flower?" Louis asked him, frowning. 

Harry patted his pocket, where he’d placed the hyacinth. "I didn't want it to fly away and get crushed, so I put it away for safe keeping."

Louis gave him a strange smile. "It would be a shame for something so delicate and beautiful to go to waste. Make sure you keep it safe." Harry hoped Louis couldn’t see the contented smile on his face.

They walked the few blocks to the theatre with Harry on one side, Louis on the other, and Alice between them, like it was always meant to be.

~~~

When they got to the theatre, Harry was pleased to find that it wasn’t crowded. He purchased tickets to the latest kid movie and watched fondly as Louis ushered Alice toward the concession line. 

Harry smiled as Louis read off the menu for Alice, asking her what she'd like. As much as it warmed his heart, though, he had to remember Alice's health. "I know you want to get her whatever she wants, but we have to keep her health in mind. No sugar, no salt." Harry said quietly as he sidled up to Louis. Alice was playing with the bags of candy on the display next to them. There was only one person in front of them in line now. 

Louis rolled his eyes. "I'm a doctor, Harry, of course I know that, but it also makes for a sucky childhood when you have to watch everything you do and everything you eat," he argued. “Let her have a normal life for once, Harry.”

"She can't miss what she's never had," Harry snapped. His words sounded harsh, even to his own ears. He hadn’t meant to let them slip out, but who was Louis, the man who wouldn’t know commitment if his life depended on it, to criticize his parenting? The hardest part was that in a way, Louis’ accusation was true. Between her heart illness, her mother’s premature death, and Harry’s sexuality, Alice didn’t have much in common with her peers. Even if Amy hadn’t passed away, their family would still have been a strange one, given that they’d lived under separate roofs. Harry sometimes wondered if Alice had been doomed from the start. On his darkest days, he wondered if the decision to have her had been selfish, if he didn’t deserve to have her, because he could never give her a normal life. That was the part of Louis’ comment that had stung, and Harry was too ashamed to explain it.

Louis just looked at him with wide eyes. "Wow, Harry. You've come a long way from the boy I used to smoke with behind the school."

Harry huffed, knowing anything he said would be snippy and would probably turn their nice day into a huge fight. He knew he shouldn't be so restrictive with Alice, but he didn't know how to explain to her that sometimes she could act like any other kid, but only on the days and times he said so. To Louis, that would sound like a copout, but it was a truth. That, and he was terrified that he would lose his daughter, just like the two other people he had truly loved. 

Before Harry could respond, the girl behind the concession was beckoning them forward. Harry took Alice's hand and guided her to the counter with Louis in tow. Harry started ordering, asking for three water bottles. "If Alice can't have pop, then it's not fair for us to get it," he murmured, hoping that Louis wouldn’t fight him on it. Louis rolled his eyes, but nodded his assent. 

Harry had finished ordering specially made popcorn with no butter and was just about to pay when Louis stayed his arm. "You paid for the tickets, I've got this," he insisted. Harry nodded warily. "And I say that popcorn without butter isn't worth eating, so I'll take a small popcorn with butter, please," he said to the girl behind the counter. 

Harry hoped Louis saw his glare, because Louis deserved it. "I'll go get some napkins," Harry said tightly as he stomped off toward the drink station with a confused Alice trailing behind him. 

Alice was left to carry two water bottles, and she juggled them as best she could while reaching for Harry's arm. "Daddy?" Harry could hear how upset she was without even looking at her. He hadn’t meant for her to see him lose his cool with Louis, but Louis brought out so much emotion in him that he couldn’t help letting a little of it slip into his actions.

"What's up, angel?" Harry asked, tugging on the napkins that were stuck in their dispenser.

“Daddy, you seem kind of mad at Dr. Lou. Is it because of something I did?” 

Harry wanted to pull his hair out. How was he supposed to explain that he was angry with Louis for trying to spoil her? That it hurt to have Louis criticizing his parenting? That Louis had hit him right where he was most sensitive without even meaning to? To Alice, all of the little treats Louis was giving her were a dream come true, but Harry knew that it just wasn’t practical to give her everything she wanted, regardless of what was best for her (or Harry’s bank account). He couldn’t expect Alice to understand why he was upset, but he gave her as much of the truth as possible. “No, baby girl, you didn't do anything wrong,” he assured her. He finally tugged the stack of napkins free. 

Alice squinted at her father, not sure whether she could believe him or not. “Then why are you mad at Dr. Lou? He’s really nice.”

When Harry finally turned to look down at Alice, he was met with the puppy-dog-eyed look he knew would be there. “Listen, Dr. Lou is nice, he absolutely is. But sometimes people disagree about things. When they do, they can get upset, and that’s pretty normal.”

Alice stared off into space, thinking. “So are you really mad at Dr. Lou? I thought he was your friend.” She was looking at him expectantly, as if she were on the precipice of a formative moment.

Harry nodded. “Yes, he was a very close friend of mine for a very long time, but that doesn’t mean we can’t argue ever.”

“What were you fighting about?” she asked, curiosity getting the better of her manners.

“We were um…fighting about you, actually,” he told her with a sheepish smile. “I’m trying to be the best dad to you that I can be, but he seems to think he knows better, as always.”

“That’s because I usually do,” Louis said, appearing at his shoulder.

Harry blanched, horrified that Louis had been listening to their conversation. He wondered briefly if Louis had heard him talking to Alice about how they had been friends. When he chanced a look at Louis, he saw that the other man was smiling slightly. "I was just um...explaining that sometimes people disagree...and that it's okay."

Harry watched as Louis' smile turned into a smirk. "I think it's especially okay if one of the people arguing has a doctorate in the subject they're arguing about," Louis teased. 

"So my six years of experience don't count?" Harry asked, gesturing at Alice. 

"They do, but I have education _and_ experience," Louis countered. 

"Dealing with children on anesthetics is not the same," Harry said, laughing. 

Louis placed a hand on his hip. "Hmm, well all my years of experience served my little sisters pretty well, I'd say, but you'd have to ask them to know for sure," Louis countered, a tinge of curtness in his tone. 

Harry winced as if he'd been struck. Twice in two days he'd conveniently forgotten what Louis' life had been like growing up and successfully insulted him. He was just as much of an idiot around Louis now as he had been fifteen years ago. Harry opened his mouth to apologize, but Louis shook his head slightly, turning to face Alice. She looked just as puzzled as ever by their interaction. 

Louis scrutinized his ticket for a moment. "So we're looking for theatre 6. Let's see who can find it first," Louis said. He gave Alice a nod of encouragement as she skipped off down the hall to the left, Harry and Louis trailing behind. 

"Be careful!" Harry called, trying not to sound as frantic as he felt. If he hadn’t had popcorn in his hands, he might have run after her. 

He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned his head to find Louis looking back at him. "She'll be okay if she skips around a bit, even with a heart condition. Her body will tell her when it's time to stop," Louis said gently.

Harry nodded, not wanting to argue with Louis again. He knew he was overly cautious and Louis was only trying to help; it was his job to help. A thought nudged into Harry’s mind that there were probably a million more interesting things that a rich and famous surgeon like Louis could be doing with his free time. Yet, Louis didn’t seem bothered at all by his current activities. Harry pushed the thought aside for later and focused on hurrying down the hallway of theatres, trying to keep an eye on Alice. He wasn’t surprised when Louis kept pace with him. 

“Daddy! Dr. Lou! I found it,” Alice called, waving her arms at them from a couple theatres down. “I win!” she yelled, bouncing on her heels with excitement.

“Good job, baby,” Harry said, smiling at her when he and Louis caught up. He took her hand in his own. “You ready?” he asked. Alice nodded eagerly. “Okay, then. Let’s go.” 

Alice tugged on Harry’s hand as she flounced into the theatre. She turned the corner and Harry was forced to let go as she started running up the stairs. She stopped at a row about halfway up. “Here, Daddy, here,” she said. She sat down in the second chair from the aisle and patted the next chair in. “Come sit down, Daddy,” she called. 

“Okay, baby,” Harry laughed, taking the seat she had indicated. He looked up at Louis, who was still standing in the aisle awkwardly, not sure where he was supposed to sit. Harry opened his mouth to tell Louis he could come sit next to him when Alice spoke up. 

“Sit next to me, Dr. Lou. Please?” she asked sweetly.

Louis flashed her a smile and took the aisle seat next to her. “Okay, princess.” He started to settle into his chair, pulling out napkins. “Almost forgot,” he mumbled, pulling out a rectangular box that was wrapped in plastic. It rattled slightly as he handed it over to Harry.

It was dark in the theatre, but as the previews played, Harry could just barely read the front of the package. Raisinets. Harry remembered when he and Louis used to go see movies together as kids. One of their moms would drop them off with just enough money for tickets and a little extra for drinks and a snack. Usually, they had just bought boxes of Raisinets and spent half the movie throwing them into each other’s mouths, moving a seat further apart each time to see how far they could go before one of them missed. Harry chuckled, looking over at Louis. “How long has it been since we did this?” he asked. 

“Too long,” Louis said with a smirk. “Just enjoy.”

Harry placed the plain popcorn on the armrest between him and Alice so that they could share. As the movie began to roll, Harry found himself popping open the end of the candy box and shaking the little chocolate-covered morsels out onto his palm. He popped a few into his mouth and smiled. They tasted like cherished memories and young love, so he kept eating until it was all gone. 

The movie wasn’t all that interesting to Harry, so he spent most of it watching Louis and Alice out of the corner of his eye, trying not to smile when Alice reached for Louis’ hand or when Louis ruffled her curls. Harry even pretended he didn’t see Louis sneak her a few pieces of popcorn with butter. Her delighted laugh as she crunched on the salty kernels was just too rare and precious for him not to let it slip. That, and Harry couldn’t get enough of watching the man he used to love treating Harry’s daughter like she was his own, balancing out Harry’s cautious approach with his own measured permissiveness.

Maybe it was because he’d searched so long and had never been able to find someone else who matched him so well. Maybe it was the fact that Harry was the yin to Louis' yang and it had been so long since he'd felt that sense of balance. Either way, Harry didn't know what to do with the feelings that were being resurrected inside his chest. They molded to each other perfectly, each one filling the other's empty spaces in a way no one else knew how to do. If Harry was a lock, then Louis was the only key that had ever been able to fit. Even fifteen years apart hadn't worn down their edges enough to prevent it. Harry wanted to let the tears welling in his eyes flow freely, not knowing whether they were tears of frustration or relief.

Harry slid a hand into his pocket and ran his fingers over the petals of the flower that was hiding there—the flower that Louis had given him. Louis—the man who'd stood in front of him a mere hour ago and called him beautiful, despite his brokenness. Louis, who knew him backwards and forwards and had loved him anyway. Maybe, just maybe, Louis still felt something for him, in spite of everything.

Harry let his mind wander, filling up with images of two boys playing together in the backyard, unaware of the feelings they would soon have for each other and the heartbreak that would follow. Then came the truly scary thoughts, the ones of him and Louis the way he’d always thought they would be: together. Images flashed by on the larger-than-life screen before him, but Harry didn't even notice them. He was too preoccupied by his imagination, daydreaming of a future where he wasn't alone.

~~~

When they’d gotten out of the movie, Louis had looked at his watch and announced that his on-call hours were over for the day. Alice had cheered and begged Harry to let them go somewhere else. "What sounds good to you, Alice?” he’d asked. 

“Hmm,” Alice had said, tapping her chin for a moment. A few seconds later, she’d perked up. “Daddy, I wanna see the ocean! Can we go?”

Harry had just smiled. “Okay, baby, let’s go to the ocean.” Then he’d looked at Louis. “So, Mr. New York, where’s the best view of the Atlantic around here?”

“I know just the place,” Louis had said, reaching down to ruffle Alice’s curls before hailing them a cab.

When they arrived at the beach, it took both of Harry’s arms to stop Alice from tearing across the sand and catapulting into the water. “Gee, I didn’t think about a bathing suit,” Harry said, seeming a bit embarrassed. 

Louis chuckled and pointed down to a shack near the pier. “They sell suits here, you know. They’re probably just as expensive on the beach as anywhere else in New York,” he said.

Harry mumbled his thanks and started off toward the shack with Alice in tow, while Louis wandered down the beach, under the pretense of finding them a good spot. What was he doing? Who was he to go gallivanting around with his ex and his daughter, who was a _patient_ at _his_ practice? Everyone could keep telling him to try to date Harry again, that this was his second chance, but nobody had really thought about whether that was realistic. Sure, Harry was blushing and smiling at him, just like old times, but Louis had this sinking feeling that if not for Alice, there was no way in hell that Harry would have chosen to spend a whole day with him. Not after what he’d done. Harry was probably just trying to play it cool for his daughter’s sake and Louis was reading him wrong. Besides, even if he did ask Harry on a date, it was borderline unethical. Regardless of if anyone ever found out or even cared, Louis wasn’t willing to risk the career he’d sacrificed everything for. That thought would have to serve as Louis’ insurance policy the next time he caught Harry’s eyes on him.

Just then, Harry reappeared, a new tote bag slung over his shoulder as he held onto an eager Alice, who was dressed in a sequined blue bathing suit. “You look gorgeous, princess,” Louis said, smiling broadly at her. “Maybe I got it wrong and you’re actually a mermaid.”

Alice giggled and tugged free of Harry’s hold. She stumbled toward Louis, who lifted her into the air and onto his hip, despite Harry’s protests. Louis turned to face the ocean and pointed out at the horizon. “Look out there. I bet if you look hard enough, you can see England,” he told her.

“You’re silly, Dr. Lou,” she said, rolling her eyes. “The ocean is way too big for that.”

“Wouldn’t it be nice if it were only that far,” Harry said sarcastically as he sidled up to them. 

“Yeah,” Louis breathed. “Yeah, it would be.” He set Alice down on the sand, looking around for a place to sit. The beach was pretty packed, despite it being late afternoon. Then he spotted a cluster of kids a few yards away building sandcastles while a group of adults in uniform stood watch. “How do you feel about sandcastles?” he said, looking down at Alice. 

Her face lit up. “Daddy, can we build sandcastles?” she asked Harry. 

“It looks like there’s a class,” Louis explained, pointing behind him to the group that had formed. 

Harry looked over to where Louis was pointing and shrugged. “Lead the way.”

When they got to the sandcastle group, Harry talked to the people who were in charge. Apparently there were beach activities there for kids so that the adults could have some free time. Harry wasn’t crazy about the idea of leaving Alice by herself, but Louis managed to talk him into it. “It’ll be good for her to spend some time with other kids. Plus, we’ll be right around here anyway.” Harry relented and agreed that Alice could stay for a bit, as long as he was close enough to see her.

As Louis watched Harry fawn over Alice, he fought back the fond smile that was threatening to ruin everything if Harry looked his way. He thought back to Gloria’s words to him just before he’d left the shop that day. _Not all of us are lucky enough to have a second chance. Don't let it pass you by._ They’d been swirling through his mind all afternoon, and they were still there when Louis suggested a walk on the pier while Alice played. Harry smiled and fell into step easily beside Louis as they made the short walk to their destination. They stayed close to the start of the pier, where Harry could be at Alice’s side in less than a minute, if he ran. 

Louis settled in next to him by the railing as they looked out at the water together. He and Harry hadn’t been truly alone yet since they ran into each other at the office yesterday, and the air was charged with the weight of the fifteen years they’d spent apart. Louis broke the silence first.

"So you obviously know what I've been up to,” he began. “And I'm sorry to disappoint, but there's not much more to know about me than you've already seen." Louis shrugged. "Except Zayn. You haven't met him yet."

"Yes, the doctor Alice and I actually _meant_ to come see." Harry laughed, his eyes crinkling just the way Louis remembered. That was how most of their kisses had started when they were together. Louis had to remind himself that he'd long since given up the right to kiss Harry. He wondered sadly how many others had jumped up to take his place when he left. 

"Yeah, you guys came for Zayn, but you got his amazing partner instead. How unfortunate for you," Louis said as he rolled his eyes. As long as he could steer the conversation into the safety of lighthearted joking, he might survive.

Instead, Harry just let the conversation drop as he turned back to stare at the city. Louis faced the other direction, making sure he could watch Alice. 

After a few minutes, he heard Harry sigh and shift his weight, casting a glance over his shoulder toward where Alice played. "Look, we both know what you want to ask me, so why don't you just ask already?"

Louis swallowed. He hoped that Harry meant the same thing he was thinking, because Louis had a laundry list of questions he wanted answers to pretty badly. "So you've said that you're not married," Louis stated. "But you've also said that Alice was a deliberate choice. So that means you chose to have her as a single parent." He looked to Harry for confirmation. Harry nodded. 

Louis raised his eyebrows. "Wow, you must have been really eager to start a family," Louis observed. Harry nodded again, and Louis wanted to throw something. For someone who’d literally invited him to ask questions, Harry was the least forthcoming Louis had ever seen him be. He really wanted to ask about Alice’s mother, but he couldn’t figure out how without feeling like he was prying. With the way Harry had been evading answering his question, he guessed it was a touchy subject for some reason. That made Louis feel even worse for wanting to bring it up. Yet, Louis had this strange sense that Harry actually _wanted_ him to ask. Maybe Alice’s mother was part of the difficulties Louis’ mother had alluded to that morning, and Harry just needed someone to talk to about it without having to be the one to bring it up. He took a deep breath before he finally spoke. "So…you mentioned her mother a few times, but we never actually um…got around to talking about her. Who is she?” 

Harry fell silent for a moment and went completely still. Louis was afraid he had misread the situation and was already panicking to think of an appropriate apology when he heard Harry’s voice come out weakly. “Her name was Amy,” Harry mumbled, still staring straight ahead. “I met her when I started University. She was my best friend.”

_Was,_ Harry had said. Oh god, did that mean…? “Hey, I thought that was my job,” Louis teased, trying to lighten the mood. “You gave it away that quickly?”

Harry tried to smile, but it faltered. His eyes were still trained off into the distance. “Well, I couldn’t exactly help it. When I met her, I really needed someone, and she…she was just there for me.” 

"So she was the unlucky person who cleaned up the mess I made," Louis said. It was starting to make sense. But there was something wrong in the way that Harry became morose and refused to look at Louis when he'd asked about her. Louis could feel it in his bones that something had gone wrong, and he hoped it wasn't the worst. "Well I suppose I owe her both a thank you and an apology," he said, testing the waters. 

When he saw the color drain from Harry's face, he knew. "She's gone...isn't she?" Harry could only nod as he wiped the single tear that rolled down his cheek. Louis dealt with life and death every day, but this was different. This wasn't something he could control, something he could fight with his knowledge and his skill. This was something that couldn't be reversed that was actively hurting someone he cared about. 

It took a lot of restraint not to take Harry into his arms right then. He didn't even think that Harry would mind in that moment, as broken as he looked. Yet, Louis still held himself back. If he ever had the pleasure of holding Harry again, he wanted it to be under better circumstances than this. He wanted it to be a moment of growth and joy, not a moment of weakness and sorrow. Instead, Louis moved in so he was standing right beside Harry, not quite touching him. 

"Harry," he murmured. "I'm so sorry. For you and for Alice." He swallowed hard, watching the dejected way Harry hung his head. "I don't need to know what happened or why, but if you need to talk to someone and let it out, then I'm here," Louis said. 

Harry looked up at him for a brief moment, and he looked so small that it reminded Louis of when they were young and he'd felt the need to watch over Harry. That same sense of protectiveness was there, even now, when Louis wasn’t sure it would be welcome anymore. "Thanks, Lou," Harry said in a small voice. Harry turned away to check on Alice, who was still building sandcastles on the beach not too far away. He stood tensed, like he was ready to jump into action at the slightest indication of distress.

"She's okay, Harry," Louis said soothingly. "She's just playing."

"I just need to keep watching and make sure," Harry said, his gaze not wavering from wherever Alice went. 

Louis sighed, knowing that it wasn't really his place to interject. But he also felt responsible for all of the difficulties of Harry's life; they all seemed to trace back to him leaving Harry behind. As ridiculous as it sounded, he felt like he'd sentenced Harry to a lonely life of anxiety and heartbreak. It was his responsibility to undo the damage. 

"You don't always have to go running after her, you know," Louis reminded him. “Lots of kids with health conditions and can still have pretty normal childhoods. If you don’t let her out of your sight, she’ll become too dependent on you.”

Harry made a face at Louis, clearly not appreciating Louis’ judgment. "I know, but what if something happens to her and she doesn't know what to do and I'm not there to help her?"

Louis shook his head. "You can't protect her from everything, Harry. Someday soon she's going to be in school all day and you won't be able to be there with her whenever you want. You're going to have to learn to trust her to gauge how she feels and tell someone if something's not right. There will be teachers and other adults there who can get her the help she needs if something happens."

"But what if she doesn't and nobody notices and...what if..." He shook his head, burying his face in his hands. 

As much as Louis was still trying to be careful of his interactions with Harry, especially physically, he knew that not comforting Harry right now would be the worst thing he could do for their tenuous relationship. Louis reached his arm around Harry, resting it on the other man's shoulder so that their sides were pressed together. "Harry, what's this all about?" Louis asked, not even trying to hide the concern in his voice. Louis couldn’t be bothered to care what Harry thought about him right now. All that mattered to him was Harry—then, now, always.

Harry shook his head, which was still hidden behind his palms. He started to breathe heavy, like he was crying. Louis knew that Harry needed to let it out, but if he was anything like the boy Louis had once known, then he needed time to process his emotions before he spoke. Louis just rubbed his back, letting Harry take his time. 

When Harry finally spoke, his voice was thick and unsteady. He stared out at the water, watching the horizon while Louis watched him. "I-I just....when we lost Amy, I thought my world was going to end. Alice was devastated." Harry shook his head. "I didn't know what to do with myself, but I had to find a way to keep going...for her. But if something happened to _her_..." 

That was the moment that Harry’s face crumpled. “Everyone I love gets taken away from me,” he choked out. Louis caught a glimpse of tears sliding down Harry’s face before he turned away. 

Louis stood stunned for a moment. He didn’t know what to say to Harry, but he almost felt like Harry’s words were more of an accusation than anything. 

After a minute or two, Harry started breathing more steadily and finally faced Louis again. When Louis saw the naked fear on Harry's face, he let his hand slip around Harry's waist where it fell still, bracing the taller man against the rest of the world. "If she..." Harry trailed off shakily. "I-I don't know how I could live another day," Harry whispered.

Louis cast a look over his shoulder to where Alice was playing on the beach to make sure she was okay. She was laughing along with the other children, her smile bright and happy. If Louis could help it, she would stay that way forever. Alice deserved to live a life that was beautiful and whole. Harry did, too. 

Louis wished he could shield Harry from the cruel reality of life, the ways it could twist you and break you until you no longer recognized yourself. He chastised himself for all of the years Harry had gone through hell and felt alone. Louis would gladly bear the burden and the pain himself if it meant he never had to see the anguish on Harry's face again. 

As Louis felt his sense of protectiveness flare, an old memory surfaced that made him smile. He turned to face Harry properly, his hand back at his side again. "Hey," Louis said gently, urging Harry to look back up at him. Harry's green eyes rose to meet Louis' own. "You know what I'm thinking about right now?"

"What?" Harry asked disinterestedly.

Louis figured he was probably wondering what could ever be more pressing than his fear for his daughter's wellbeing right now. Nevertheless, Louis continued. "Do you remember the night of our accident?"

Harry suddenly looked up at him again, his eyes full of emotion still. "Of course I do."

"That night, before we left for our date, your mom pulled me aside." He looked over to see Harry's curiosity plain on his face. Apparently Anne had never passed along the story, had probably thought it would be too upsetting to bring up after Louis had left. "She made me promise to take care of you. She told me that she trusted me and that I better not let her down." He paused to take in Harry's reaction. The other man's lips formed a soft "oh." Louis smiled. 

"So that night, when that man was driving the wrong way down the street, and I saw his car coming right for you, I did what I had to do." Louis remembered well the split-second decision he'd had to make. He'd yanked the wheel hard in the other direction, crossing onto the other side of the street and crashing into a guardrail on his own side of the car. Luckily, it had been late, so there hadn't been any traffic coming. When they'd gotten to the hospital, they'd found out that Louis had a broken arm, plenty of bruises, and a couple of cuts that required stitches. Harry had walked away with just a few minor cuts and scrapes. Louis wouldn't have had it any other way. He'd been beaming proudly when Anne and Jay walked into the hospital room that night. Harry had been discharged already and was perched on a chair next to Louis' hospital bed.

"Oh, Boobear, look at you!" Jay had exclaimed as she'd rushed to his bedside, pulling him into a hug so tight that his bruised side had throbbed in pain. "I'm so glad you're going to be okay."

"Yes, it must have been a treacherous night on that road," Anne had said. "There was a car a couple of miles down the road that was hit head-on by a drunk driver. A mother and her three kids are all in intensive care right now." 

When Louis had looked over at Anne, he'd seen her watching him. She'd mouthed a thank you to Louis as she'd wrapped her arm around her son's shoulder. 

Louis' gaze had drifted over to settle on Harry. From the relieved but guilty look on Harry's face, he knew that they'd both had the same thoughts. The family a couple floors up fighting for their lives could easily have been them if things had gone differently. But that was something neither one of them was keen to tell their mothers. So they had just watched each other, taking in everything that they'd been through that night and feeling grateful and happy to still have each other.

"Didn't even get to walk you to the door properly," Louis had lamented, breaking the silence. "I wanted tonight to be perfect and we ended up in the hospital instead. This is the worst first date ever," he'd said dramatically.

Harry had looked down at him and smiled fondly. "That's okay. I don't need perfect, just you."

When Harry had leaned in for their second-ever kiss, right in front of their mothers, it had tasted like victory.

In the present, Louis was watching a much older Harry as he stared out across the rippling water at the sailboats dotting the horizon. It was a risk, but Louis reached his hand out to lay it on top of where Harry’s rested on the railing. Harry didn’t look at him this time. “Listen, Harry,” Louis began, “I meant it when I told your mom that I would look out for you, and that promise still stands.”

Harry turned back toward Louis again. “What exactly are you trying to say, Louis?” His expression was guarded, but Louis could see a faint trace of hope and longing behind it.

Louis wanted so badly to erase the last fifteen years of his life, to go back and choose Harry to stop him from feeling the pain he was in now. But he couldn’t change the past. All he could do was use his second chance wisely and hope that it was enough for them—all three of them. “I’m making you a promise, Harry.” He held out his right hand for Harry to grasp. Harry stared at it, and Louis could see his resolve wavering. “I want to promise you that as long as you’re here, as long as I can help you, I’m going to keep up the promise I made to your mom all those years ago.” Harry opened his mouth to speak, but Louis held up a finger to shush him. “Alice counts as an extension of you, so my promise includes her as well.”

The corner of Harry’s mouth quirked up in a half smile. “You’ve never let anything happen to me before, Lou, but we’re older now. Things are different. And as you just reminded me, I can’t control everything. That’s a pretty big promise to make.”

“I know exactly what I’m promising,” Louis said firmly. “I’m not worried. Do you trust me?”

Harry’s face turned into something that resembled a smile. He grasped Louis’ hand in his own. “I trust you.” Louis looked into Harry’s eyes, seeing some of his worry dissipate. He wondered briefly if that had to do with Harry’s belief in him, but his thoughts were cut short by a gleeful voice that was growing closer.

"Daddy!" Alice yelled, waving her arms at Harry as her feet hit the wood of the pier. 

Harry waved her over before quickly turning away to wipe the tears on his face and throw on a pair of sunglasses. 

Alice came trotting over, seemingly running out of steam for the day. The tired glaze underneath the brightness of her green eyes told Louis all he needed to know. Harry's back was still turned when Alice stopped in front of him. 

Louis stepped forward, buying Harry more time to compose himself. The last thing Alice needed was to see her dad's distress over her health. She would only end up panicking herself. Then Harry's resulting guilt would become insurmountable. Louis crouched down in front of a confused Alice and rested a hand on her shoulder. "Hey, Princess, it looks like it's getting a little late. Do you think you're ready to call it quits for today?"

Alice tried not to nod too quickly, but Louis caught on before she slowed down the movement.

“Okay,” Harry said, letting out a deep breath before turning around. He held out his hand to Alice, who grasped it tightly. “Do you want to go grab some food somewhere or would you rather eat at the hotel?” he asked her.

“Hotel?” Louis asked. 

“Yes, we’re staying in a hotel,” Harry said, looking confused. “Isn’t that where people typically stay when they don’t actually live somewhere, but they have to be there?”

“Harry, she shouldn’t be staying at a hotel,” Louis said, dropping his voice a bit so that Alice might not hear. “Just think of everything you’re exposing her to right before her surgery. Most people come up here and just rent a place. You have more space that’s all yours, and sometimes it ends up being cheaper than a hotel room.” 

“A second home isn’t exactly in my budget right now,” Harry said with a bitter laugh. “So what exactly do you suggest I do?”

Louis rolled his eyes and thought for a moment, playing around with an idea that had popped into his head. Hoping it wasn’t too forward of him, he threw caution to the wind. “You should stay at my place,” he said, before he could stop himself.

Harry blinked, stunned. “You mean _live with you_? Like while you’re living there, too?”

Louis laughed nervously. “Well, yeah. I have my own home. Where else am I supposed to go?”

“I-I don’t know. I mean, how necessary is it for her to not be in a hotel?”

“Well, it’s more important for her recovery than right now, but still. I mean if she’s in a hotel, then she’s going to be sleeping on sheets that other people were just sleeping on, using towels that other people just used, getting in elevators that thousands of people have been breathing all over just that day. Chances are that a decent number of those people are carrying some sort of illness, whether they know it or not. All of the ventilation is interconnected, so whatever circulates through one room goes through the whole hotel. That’s how people get legionnaires’ disease.” Harry was looking at him with wide eyes, and Louis knew he’d probably freaked him out. He wasn’t too sorry about it, though because he wanted Harry to understand the risk that he was taking with Alice’s health. “Listen, Harry, if she gets sick before her surgery, we can always reschedule. But if she gets sick fresh out of the hospital, it’s going to make it a lot harder for her to get well again. It’s not like she can just hop onto a plane the day after we operate.”

Harry ran a hand through his hair, probably feeling foolish and distraught. “Well how long are we supposed to wait before we go back home?” he asked.

“I wouldn’t let her on a plane for at least a few weeks after surgery. Ideally, we’d wait a month, but it depends on how she’s doing.”

Harry’s mouth dropped open a bit before he snapped it shut. “So, basically, I’m supposed to just live here for the next month or so? Louis, I have a car and a home and a job. What am I supposed to do? I can get away with working remotely for a bit, but as a journalist for a London magazine, I really need to be _in London_. I-I can’t afford this,” he admitted. “In any sense of the word.”

“What’s wrong, Daddy?” Alice asked, tugging at his hand. “I thought we were going back to the hotel.”

Harry reached down to smooth her hair. “We will, baby. Just give me a minute. Your doctor just told me some things I didn’t think about before we came over here, and now I have to figure them out.”

Alice looked concerned, but she stayed silent. 

Louis felt guilty for interfering with Harry’s plans, but he couldn’t make a promise to take care of them both one minute and then turn around and let Harry be reckless with his sick daughter’s health the next.

Harry thought for a moment before he sighed deeply. “Are you sure we wouldn’t be a bother to your bachelor lifestyle?” he asked teasingly.

Louis barked out a laugh. “What bachelor lifestyle? I practically live at the hospital. And when I’m not there, I’m doing research and reading journal articles.”

“If you’re sure,” Harry said. Louis nodded his assent. Harry crouched down next to Alice. “Baby girl, I know the hotel is fun, but what would you think about staying somewhere else while we’re here?”

Alice tilted her head. “What do you mean we’re going to stay somewhere else?”

“Dr. Lou said that the hotel isn’t a good place for you because there could be people there who get you sick while you’re trying to get better.” Alice nodded understandingly. Harry squeezed her hands, looking like he was bracing himself for her reaction. “Dr. Lou offered to let us stay with him while we’re here,” he finally told her. 

Alice’s eyes bugged out. “Really?” she squealed. “We can stay with Dr. Lou?”

Harry looked to Louis and Louis suddenly had two pairs of green eyes pinned on him, the hope in them riding on his answer. “Of course,” he said warmly. Alice cheered. 

After Louis had given Harry his address and told him he’d leave a key in the lobby of his building for him, they’d decided to part ways for the night. Harry assured him that they’d be coming over the next day to settle in. It had been a big day for Alice and Harry didn’t want to overwhelm her by moving out of the hotel when she was so tired. Louis had walked next to Harry as he carried Alice to the street beyond the beach to get a cab. He watched Harry climb into the backseat, cradling Alice’s pliant form against his chest, before Louis shut the cab door quietly.

Louis waved his goodbye as the cab drove off into the rush hour city traffic, before turning back to the beach. As he walked along the shoreline that grew more deserted by the minute, Gloria's words about second chances echoed through his mind. He stood at the shoreline, letting the coolness of the water lap at his toes. Louis felt the weight of the forget-me-not in his pocket, reminding him that his past and his present were finally catching up to each other. Maybe, if he tugged hard enough, the past could touch the future as well. If it could, then perhaps that missing piece of his heart would finally fall into place. He felt a kind of peace settle into his soul that he hadn’t known in so long that he forgot it even existed. The man he’d spent his whole life loving and the dreams they’d shared together were finally within his grasp again. This was Louis' second chance to take care of Harry, to love him the way he should have been doing all along. Come hell or high water, he was going to take it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! It truly means the world to me, and I hope you're still enjoying the story. I don't have much ready for the next couple of chapters yet, so it will be a while before I update again. This will probably be one of the longest chapters, though.
> 
> See you in chapter 3, when they move in together. Get ready for some domestic fluff, feelings, and drama from hereon out :)


	3. The Day Harry and Alice Moved In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry and Alice move into Louis' posh apartment. Harry and Louis each discover that maybe they aren't the only one with lingering feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, everybody! First and foremost, I am sooo sorry that it has taken me this long to post this chapter. I intended it to be up a month ago, but the past six weeks or so have just been impossible. I still love this story and I hope you feel the same. This chapter is not my favorite, but it's necessary to set up the rest of the chapters. Warnings for this chapter are below.
> 
> Warnings for this chapter include: discussion of grief/loss. I cried a river writing parts of this chapter, so some of you probably will as well. If loss of a parent is triggering for you, please skip the scene when Harry and Alice find their room in Louis’ apartment. Jay is briefly in a flashback at the very end of this chapter as well.
> 
> Also, the chapters will be featuring some more mature content starting soon. I don’t plan to include anything too graphic, but there will be flashbacks that include underage sexual content. I will do my best to include warnings before each relevant scene, so that if you are underage or for some reason uncomfortable reading about such things, you can easily skip those portions. The underlying theme of grief is also going to stick around for a while. Let me know if any of you would like me to include warnings in the text itself about that type of content as well. 
> 
> Otherwise, happy reading!

_Hazza,_

_It’s been two weeks since I settled into my new dorm and things are finally starting to feel less foreign. I’ve even gotten around to talking to my roommate, Zayn, and discovered he’s actually a pretty cool guy. He’s in the same program as me, so we have a class together and sometimes we study together, too. Now that we’re getting to know each other, it seems like we have more in common than either of us thought. One night I woke up to Zayn curled up by the window, sketching on a notepad. When I asked him what he was doing, he told me all about his passion for art. As I watched him speak, I couldn’t help but think of my feelings for you. He and I each gave up a bit of something we loved to be here in this school. I haven’t told him about you yet, but I know he can tell that there’s something just as wrong with me as there is with him right now. It’s slowly building our sense of kinship to the point where we’re actively trying to help each other get out of our own heads._

_After several failed attempts this week to lift our moods by staying in and pigging out, Zayn is now convinced that a night on the town is just what we both need. I think my progressively worsening isolation is worrying him, and he’s probably right to be concerned. There are some days I don’t even leave the dorm, much less my bed._

_I’m afraid to admit it, but going out terrifies me. Not because I don’t like going out (you know I do), but because I know that what I used to think of as a typical outing seems like a lifetime away. I’m so used to our routine that even now as I’m supposed to be getting ready, I’m writing my thoughts about you down in this journal instead. I know Zayn’s annoyed with me, but he has yet to ask me about it outright and I’m beyond grateful for that. Sometimes writing down my thoughts like this is the only way I can keep myself sane._

_The worst part of all though, is that over here I’m not even old enough to drink the image of you from my mind. It’s hard enough to think of going anywhere when I’m in so much pain, but it’s even harder to think of going out somewhere without you. I’m used to us getting ready together, sneaking glances at each other and exchanging quick kisses as we bustle around one of our bedrooms. I’ve been staring at the clothes I usually wear out, but it just doesn’t feel right to put them on. I’m not interested in looking good for some stranger when the only person I’ve ever wanted to impress is an ocean away from me._

_We used to pile into a cab with our friends and spend the whole night kissing and drinking, bodies pressed close on the dancefloor, dazed eyes locked together while we moved as one. Now all of those comforts I came to depend on have vanished. I’ll be sitting in a corner all night, pretending to have fun when I can barely stand being awake sometimes. When guys hit on me, you won’t even be there to tell them I’m taken. Am I still taken? Or am I supposed to take your radio silence as a breakup? I’m not even sure I want to know the answer. All I know is that when the night is over, I’ll have no one to leave with. No one to make sure I get home safely. No comforting arms to fall into as I drift off to sleep._

_I’m gazing out the window at the city, trying to find the motivation to get dressed. I’m sure it’s a beautiful place, but I’m blind to its wonder right now. The world is a very different place without you in it. It’s somehow duller, faded—like the volume was turned all the way up before and now it’s nearly on mute. The bright lights look so artificial and the people even worse, like they’re all trying to be something they’re not._

_Or maybe that’s just me, trying to find a way to exist without you._  
~~~

When Harry opened his eyes the next morning, he truly thought he’d dreamed the whole day before. What a silly thought—him and Alice moving into Louis’ apartment. Maybe he needed to change his bedtime routine or stop using his phone before he fell asleep. That way, he would avoid the inevitable disappointment once his dream-induced delirium cleared up each morning. He looked over his shoulder to see Alice snuggled deep into the bedding a couple feet away. Her face was peaceful rather than troubled, and Harry could pretend for just one moment that they were on vacation instead of a hastened trip overseas for medical care. 

He basked in the moment for a while, watching the rays of the rising sun break through the heavy curtains. As he settled into the warm comfort of the hotel bed, he was vaguely reminded of somewhere he’d been before. In an instant, he was transported back in time to a place that held nothing but the hopeful and naive promise of love.

_Harry was warm. The comforting kind of warm that came from happiness, contentedness. The kind that came from being in the arms of someone you love who loves you back. He sighed as he nuzzled further into Louis’ embrace, pressing his face into the smooth skin of his boyfriend’s chest. He heard the beat of Louis’ heart, strong and steady beneath his ear, and smiled._

_“Morning, love,” Louis murmured._

_Harry could feel the vibration of Louis’ voice against his cheek as he spoke. “Morning, Lou,” he said back. Louis ran his hand lightly over Harry’s back, caressing the soft skin. Harry shivered in delight. Ever since he’d asked Louis out a few months before, every day had been filled with new delights. Yesterday, it had been the brush of Louis’ fingertips against his lips as he fed Harry chocolate-covered strawberries. This morning, it was the feel of waking up in Louis’ arms for the first time. A glow of affection settled over them like a blanket. Harry could definitely get used to this._

_He felt Louis’ lips touch the crown of his head. “How did you sleep?” Louis asked quietly._

_“Like I was on a cloud all night,” Harry replied dreamily. He pressed a tentative kiss to Louis’ chest and glanced up to gauge the other boy’s reaction. This was uncharted territory for them—for Harry especially, being that he was two years younger. He knew that Louis didn’t want to push him too quickly, and that meant that Harry was left to be the one in charge of how far they went. Last night was the first night that they’d spent together since they’d confessed their feelings for each other. It had been Harry’s mother’s wedding, and Louis had gone as Harry’s date. Of course people had stared as they held each other close, turning in slow circles in the dim light of the dancefloor, but they’d been too lost in each other’s eyes to care. When both of their families had gotten back to the Tomlinsons’ house (minus the newlyweds, who were on their honeymoon), Jay had decided that they could all stay the night there. Harry had taken the couch downstairs and then carefully made his way up to Louis’ room once everyone else was asleep. Louis had met him at his door with a shocked expression, but had simply opened the door and had nonetheless let him in. They’d fallen into Louis’ bed starry-eyed and in love, too scared to say the words, but brave enough to show it in the way they held each other. And that was all it had been—an innocent night of chaste kisses and soft touches, pressed together under the covers._

_Louis reached down to brush the curls back from Harry’s forehead. “I’m glad. I don’t think I’ve ever slept better than that.”_

_Harry blushed. “Well…we can do it again…some other time,” he said carefully._

_Louis was smiling down affectionately at him. “Of course, baby. If you want to spend the night together again, I won’t turn you down. You know that.”_

_“I know…I just…I’m not ready for _that_ yet,” Harry said, averting his eyes. He was barely fifteen and had never been in a mature enough relationship to consider going all the way, but Louis was older and more experienced. Harry could hardly get through most of Louis’ innuendos without turning beet red; there was no way he’d be ready to have sex with Louis anytime soon. He tried to shrink away from Louis, embarrassed by not being able to talk to his own boyfriend about intimacy._

_Louis stiffened and sat up quickly, pulling Harry with him. The older boy turned Harry around in his arms so that he was looking into Louis’ eyes. Harry saw a mixture of distress and concern in the blue irises that stared back at him. “No,” Louis said firmly. "I didn’t mean it that way, Hazza. I would never ask that of you unless we were both one thousand percent sure you were ready. I never want you to feel pressured, because this—us, what we have—it’s so much more important to me than any of that.” Harry buried his face in Louis’ shoulder, ashamed. Louis gently pried the younger boy from him and smoothed the messy curls back from his face. “Baby, please look at me,” he pleaded. Harry slowly complied, though shyly. Louis smiled at him. “I’m happy to wait for you,” Louis assured him, staring deeply into Harry’s eyes. “No matter how long it takes. Please don’t let it worry you. Okay?”_

_Harry nodded, swallowing audibly. Of course Louis hadn’t meant it that way. Louis wasn’t like that, and especially not with him. Louis was a pretty good person by Harry’s estimation, but Harry had also seen enough to know that Louis had his moments. With Harry, though, Louis was gentle, considerate, understanding—all of his best qualities amplified. It was like Louis tried harder when Harry was around, like he needed Harry to know how special he was to him. Louis…loved him. That was the difference. Louis was in love with him, and he’d just shown all his cards in one fell swoop. It was in the way Louis was watching him, so full of fear that he’d upset Harry, that Harry would think Louis didn’t respect him. It was in the way Louis kissed him so carefully, like each meeting of their lips was a secret message meant only for Harry. It was in the way Louis treated him, so protective and caring, like Harry was something delicate and irreplaceable._

_“Are you okay, Harry?” Louis asked, breaking Harry from his reverie. Harry noticed that his mouth was slightly agape, still in shock from his realization. He clamped it shut and reached out to touch his hand to Louis’ cheek. He hoped that the tenderness in his touch could convey everything he couldn’t say out loud._

_Louis seemed to understand, reaching his hand up to cover Harry’s where it rested on his face. Louis closed his eyes. “How do you do it, Harry?”_

_“What do you mean?” Harry asked, confused. His hand fell from Louis’ face._

_“How are you so beautiful and kind and funny and understanding? How are you so perfect?” he said, his voice full of awe. “Sometimes I feel like I dreamed you up inside my head, and then when I opened my eyes, there you were.”_

_Harry hoped the low lighting in the room hid his blush. “I’m not perfect, Lou.”_

_Louis laughed softly and shook his head at him. “Yes, you are, baby. You’re everything I could ever want.” Louis looked at him seriously, like he was trying to decide something. “This might seem a little fast, but…I really care about you, Harry, as so much more than just a friend….I can’t wait for our future together.”_

_Harry’s stomach was about to burst with butterflies as he leaned in to seal their lips together. “I can’t wait either, Lou,” he murmured against Louis’ lips as he kissed him slowly, so slowly that it was almost painful._

_They didn’t need to move fast. They had all the time in the world._

__

Harry glanced around the hotel room as his memory fell away. He wasn’t in his childhood bedroom, he wasn’t sixteen, and he wasn’t in love anymore. He was an adult and he was all alone in the world as he struggled to pay his bills and care for his sick daughter. He no longer believed in the fantasies that he’d gotten so caught up in when he was a teenager; none of it was real. That whole world he’d tried so hard to believe in, the one he’d needed like the air in his lungs, had collapsed on him. And the one who broke it was the person who’d built it for him in the first place, and then carelessly left Harry to pull himself from the wreckage. Harry had made it out, but it hadn’t been pretty. If he were being honest, he’d never been the same.

Harry groaned and ran his hands through his hair, his fingers tangling so tightly that he could have ripped out each and every piece with one tug if he’d wanted. His sobering thoughts had destroyed his peace and so it was time to face reality again. He reached for his phone on the nightstand. When he lifted it from its resting place, a single purple flower fell off the edge of the table and fluttered to the ground: the flower Louis had given him yesterday.

Harry blinked in shock, expecting the flower to dissolve like the memory he’d just relived, but it stayed no matter how many times he opened and closed his eyes. So yesterday had been real after all. He really had spent the day with Louis. Louis really had told him that he was beautiful and put his arm around Harry while he’d cried. Louis really had promised to take care of him and Alice. 

Louis had invited them to live with him. 

Harry felt his breath quicken. He unlocked his phone with shaking fingers that trembled even more when they hovered over the memo app. He closed his eyes and touched his fingertip to the screen. When Harry finally dared to look, he couldn’t believe his eyes. Right there on his phone, in vivid black and white, was Louis Tomlinson’s address. 

He had Louis’ address. Louis was expecting Harry to show up at his door with his daughter today. To move in with him. God, what kind of bizarre dream was he living? Harry was about to run off to the bathroom to splash cold water on his face, but Alice chose that moment to stir awake.

“Daddy?” she groaned as she rolled over and blinked up at him. Suddenly, her eyes suddenly lit up with clarity and she moved to sit upright in the bed. “We’re going to move in with Dr. Lou today, right? Right, daddy?” She started bouncing on the bed a little, her eagerness bubbling up as she waited for Harry’s response.

“Yes, Alice, it looks like that’s what we’re doing today,” he said, disbelieving. As they packed up their suitcases and Harry called a car, he couldn’t tell whether his heart was beating faster out of fear or excitement. Maybe there was no longer a difference.

~~~

By the time Harry and Alice made it to Louis’ apartment building, it was already 10 am. As promised, there had been a key left for him at the concierge’s desk. Harry knew that Louis would be at the hospital, so that would give him and Alice time to settle in before Louis got back.  
Louis had put Harry and Alice on the visitors list, and Harry had had to show ID to even gain access to the elevators. But here, in this modern fortress, he knew that he and his daughter were much safer. 

When Harry and Alice got off the elevator, there were only two doors in the entire hall. He saw that Louis' was on the right. Harry stuck the key in the lock, easily sliding the bolt back so that he could swing the door open. He let Alice enter first while he struggled with their suitcases and bags. As she passed through the living area of the apartment, Harry heard her gasp. "Daddy, you have to come see it!”

Harry stepped over the threshold of the apartment laden down with so many bags that he could barely stand. When he got his first glimpse of the space, he was in such awe that he simply dropped everything he was carrying. 

"Daddy, it's so pretty. Look at the sky," Alice cooed. She ran over to the large floor-to-ceiling windows in the family room to take a look at the view. 

Harry found himself right next to her as she gazed down on the city. "That's quite a view," he said. Wow, Louis had done quite well for himself. He was living in the lap of luxury and could probably buy the entire building Harry and Alice lived in with plenty to spare for a few Lamborghinis. But somehow, Louis didn't come off as privileged or rich; he was still Louis. Even with being a surgeon and aging fifteen years, nothing about who Louis was appeared to have changed. Nothing could have terrified Harry more.

Harry pulled his daughter away from the window and let his eyes graze slowly over the rest of the apartment. It looked like something out of a magazine with its ornate furniture and delicate finishes. Harry wondered if it had come fully furnished when Louis bought it, because there was no way Louis would have decorated his home like this. Harry tried to imagine Louis walking into this place and making a face at how pretentious it was, but then being so taken with the view that he couldn't say no. The thought made him smirk as he picked up his and Alice's things once more. "Come on, baby girl," he said, smiling at her as she followed him down the hall. 

He was saved the trouble of guessing where to put their things when he saw a post-it note stuck to the door at the end of the hall. "Harry + Alice," it read, scrawled in Louis' handwriting. Harry laughed when he read the post script about them having to share because the third bedroom was a giant mess. "I guess this is us," Harry said, pushing the door open. 

Alice bounded through the doorway in front of him and proceeded to prance around the room. "Daddy, this room is _huge_ ," she said as she giggled gleefully. "Is this really just for us?"

"Yes, Alice. It's all for us. Remember to thank...Dr. Lou for being so kind when he gets back, okay?" Calling Louis “Dr. Lou” felt so impersonal and awkward to him, but to call him anything else in front of Alice would just confuse her. 

Alice flung herself onto the bed and started bouncing on it. Harry heard the scrape of the headboard against the wall and cringed. "Alice, please stop."

Alice ignored him and kept bouncing. "Alice..." he said, sounding more serious this time. 

"But, daddy, I'm having fun!" she yelled. She stood up on the bed and jumped a few times before throwing herself back down on the fluffy duvet, causing the bed to shake. 

When Harry saw her move to get up again, he'd had enough. "No. Stop," Harry said firmly. He walked over to where Alice sat and fixed her with a stern look. His daughter's eyes went from wild to subdued in a matter of seconds. "Listen, honey," he said calmly, "we're guests in this apartment. We need to be respectful of the things that are here, because they're not ours, okay?" Alice groaned miserably in response, refusing to look up at him. After a beat of silence, she rolled onto her side so she was facing anywhere but him. Harry frowned. "You know better than to act like this, Alice. What has gotten into you?"

Alice buried her face in the bed and mumbled something. 

"What was that?" he asked.

"I said I wish mommy was here," she moaned. "She always understood. And she loved me more than you do." 

Harry felt like he'd been slapped. Even during the hellacious first month after Amy was gone and Alice would scream and cry for hours at him, he never expected her to say something so hurtful. He heard her start sniffling and he knew he'd stumbled onto a landmine. God, Amy had been so much better at this. He wished she could give him advice right now. The irony of it all made Harry want to laugh and cry all at once, but he couldn't. He was the adult and he was the one who had to make this okay for his daughter, no matter how okay it wasn't, no matter how much he was hurting too. 

Harry sighed and sat down on the bed next to her. "Alice?" he said gently, laying his hand on her back to comfort her. "I know you're going through a lot right now with your mom being gone and you being sick,” he began slowly. He really wasn’t good at this type of thing, but he hoped he would find his way through his speech as he went. “The truth is, honey, that life is never going to be easy. Sometimes things are hard for no reason, but that’s why you have to be strong and keep trying. You probably feel like it'll never get better,” Harry said, hanging his head. His daughter looked so hopeless where she lay next to him and he didn’t know what would make her feel better. He knew the feeling so well himself lately. The only difference was that for Alice it was still appropriate to show her despair. “It might take a long time, but I promise you that someday you'll be able to think of your mommy and smile instead of crying. I know you weren't ready for her to leave, and I wasn't either, but she gave me the best thing I have and I’m so grateful to her for it. Do you know what that is?" he asked. 

He looked over at Alice, but all he could see was her back. She shook her head, probably crying too much to talk. 

"It's you, baby girl,” he told her, praying she would listen. “Every time I think about how much I miss your mom, I think about the beautiful little girl she gave me."

Alice had sat upright now and was watching him with wide eyes rimmed with tears. Her lips quivered, like she wanted to speak, but she kept hesitating. Harry knew his daughter, and he also knew that she probably didn't want to say anything else to upset him. But at this point, any pain she could cause him with her words was nothing compared to how he felt watching her struggle every day. He rubbed her back soothingly. "It's okay," he assured her. "You can say whatever you need to. I promise I won't get mad if you promise to tell me what's really making you upset. Deal?" He held up his pinkie between them and his soul glowed with relief as she clamped her own around it. 

"Deal." As they unclasped their hands, a nervous look rested on Alice's face. Harry just reached out and brushed her curls back with a gentle smile. Alice let out a heavy sigh and stared down at the bedding rather than looking at her father. She finally spoke, slowly and quietly. "Sometimes...when you yell at me or tell me I'm being bad...I...I get scared that you don’t want me anymore and you’re going to leave me, like mommy did."

To say Harry was floored was putting it mildly. They were devastating words to hear from his own child, knowing that she was carrying that burden all the time. He leaned forward and tilted her chin up so that her green eyes met his matching ones. "Alice, baby, there's nothing in this world that could make me leave you. I know you think I'm being mean sometimes, but I'm your dad, and it's my job to take care of you, even if it makes you mad at me,” Harry explained. “Everything I do is for you, baby girl. I don't want you to think for a single second that I don't love you a thousand times more than anything else in this world. I promise you that I'll do everything in my power to always be here for you. Even though your mom can't be here with us anymore, we still have each other. We just have to love each other even more now, because this is all we have."

Alice bit her lip, her eyes darting back and forth as she reasoned it all through in her mind. Then Harry saw another question pop up as she looked at him with wide, innocent eyes. He nodded encouragingly. "Daddy,” she began, not meeting his eyes, “thinking about mommy makes me really sad. Sometimes…I want to forget it all…because it hurts…but I don’t want to forget the good parts. Do I have to stop thinking about her?" Her eyes were shining with fresh tears as she looked up at him. 

Harry gave a soft laugh and smoothed her curls back. "Of course not, Alice. You're always going to miss your mom, and that’s okay. It just means that you really loved her and that you have good memories with her. It will hurt a little less as you get older, but for now it’s going to be a little harder. And when it does get harder, it can be good to take your mind off her for a bit. I promise that you won’t forget her if you aren’t thinking about her all the time.”

Alice was sniffling again, and Harry had to pinch himself hard to quell the inevitable waves of guilt and emptiness he now associated with thinking of Amy. 

"Your mom wouldn't want to see you cry about how much you miss her. She would want you to be a big girl and get up every day and try your best. That's how you can be close to her: grow up to be the kind of young lady your mommy would be proud of."

"That sounds so hard, daddy."

"I know it sounds hard right now, but you're already past the worst part. You've been so brave about all of this, even with your heart being sick. I know you can handle it. You’re a strong girl, and I’m so proud of you for making it through this. But it does get too hard, don’t hesitate to come to me. That's what I'm here for, okay?"

"But I'm not brave, daddy. I'm scared. I'm really, really scared."

"I'm sure you are," he said. "But I wouldn't let anyone do anything to you unless I knew it was safe and it was going to help you. That's why we came to New York: to get you the best help I could, even if it’s not easy."

Alice was silent for a moment. “I’m sorry we had to come here just for me, daddy. I…I heard Auntie Gems talking to grandma about how much you had to do to get me here and how you had to take lots of time away from your job. If you want to go back, maybe Dr. Lou will let me stay with him until my heart’s fixed.” Harry laughed and kissed the top of Alice’s head. “What’s so funny, daddy? Was it a bad idea?”

Harry stilled his laughter and looked at Alice sincerely. “It’s not that, baby, but I could never leave you here all by yourself. I’d worry too much.”

“Don’t you trust Dr. Lou?” she asked, her forehead wrinkling in concern. 

Harry smiled. “With my life, and with yours, for that matter.”

“Then why can’t I stay here and come back to London when I’m all better?”

Harry shook his head. “I’m your dad, honey, and that’s the most important job I’ll ever have. Sometimes the choices I have to make aren’t easy or fun, but it’s up to me to figure it all out so you can focus on the important stuff.”

Alice tilted her head at him. “Like what?”

In one swift movement, Harry wrapped his hands around Alice’s waist and hauled her up to her feet in the middle of the bed. “Like how high you can jump on this mattress,” he said, tossing her into the air. She giggled wildly as she bounced around. Harry moved to stand at the end of the bed to spot her in case she fell. 

When Alice’s energy had depleted a little, she plopped down on the bed, splayed out like a starfish. Harry sat down next to her, feeling concerned. “Feeling a bit tired?” he said carefully. Alice gave a small nod.

They were silent for a while, both letting reality sink in a bit. 

"Daddy?” Alice asked. 

"What's up, baby?" Please don’t let her say she feels sick. Harry’s brain repeated the thought like a skipping CD.

"I'm sorry about what I said before,” she told him meekly. “You're a good daddy." She crawled into Harry’s lap and put her arms around him, resting her head against him. “I love you, Daddy. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Harry’s heart melted. She felt small and fragile compared to the hand he placed on her back. “Don’t worry about upsetting me, Alice. We fight, we cry, we drive each other crazy sometimes—that’s what family does. But we stick together, because we love each other.”

He felt Alice nod where her head was pressed to his stomach and smiled. “Daddy…is it always going to be just us now? Forever?”

Harry swallowed around the lump in his throat. He tried to shake away the image of blue eyes that his mind conjured up. “Yeah, it probably will be just us for a long time. Until you get to be my age and have a beautiful little girl yourself, that is,” he teased.

Alice giggled. “That’s a looong time, Daddy. Can’t it go by faster?”

Harry thought of himself, barely older than Alice, meeting a smiling blue-eyed boy, chasing that same boy on the playground until they tumbled down the hill in laughter, getting lost on a walk with him and not even minding, curling up with him under a pile of blankets as they whispered secrets to each other, slowly falling in love with his best friend. “Yeah, it’s a long time, baby girl. But don’t try to wish it away. Some of the best things in the world are waiting for you on the way there.”

~~~

They lazed around their new room for a while, admiring the fluffy bedding and the posh furniture. After they had unpacked most of their things and placed them into the dressers, Harry checked the time and saw that it was half past noon already. “Looks like it’s getting late. Are you ready for lunch?” he asked Alice, interrupting her as she twirled around the room like a ballerina.

Alice stopped mid-turn and faced him, tilting her head as she assessed her needs. “Yeah,” she conceded, “I guess I am kind of hungry, Daddy.” Harry saw her disappointment at having to end her fun for the moment.

Harry crouched down in front of her so that they were at eye level with each other. “It’s okay, Alice. We’re going to be here for a while, so you have plenty of time to keep playing another time, okay?” 

“How long, Daddy?” she asked.

Honestly, Harry hadn’t really thought that far ahead. Would it be a couple of weeks? A month? Longer? He had done research on heart surgeries, but he hadn’t actually discussed scheduling or the recovery process with Louis. Hell, they hadn’t even met her surgeon yet. “I’m not sure, baby. It will be at least a couple of weeks. That’s plenty of time to practice your spin here. For now, let’s see what I can whip up for us in the kitchen, okay?” Alice seemed to brighten a bit at his reassurance, so Harry took her hand lightly and walked with her toward the kitchen. 

When he got to the entrance, he halted, suddenly uncertain of anything. Facing him were imposing rows of cabinets that lined three walls and shiny appliances that probably cost more than his car all put together. The reality hit him: this wasn’t his home. These weren’t his things. Everything around him was someone else’s, including the kitchen he was about to scavenge for food for the two of them. Harry thought about pulling out his phone and looking up takeout, but then he felt Alice’s hand tugging on his insistently. He sighed heavily and walked in.

Harry moved about the kitchen, staring at each handle and drawer like it was a jack-in-the-box waiting to pop out at him. It only took him two tries to locate the dishes and one to find the utensils, so he was fairly confident that he could put everything back once he washed it. As he bustled around, searching for ingredients, he opened the massive French door fridge and frowned. It only contained some bottles of water and basic condiments. The Louis he knew growing up had loved food and would have scoffed at someone with a kitchen like this. Harry wasn’t sure if it was being in New York or becoming a doctor, but Louis had evidently changed. The thought of it made Harry sad for a moment, like it was just another sign of how incredibly large the gap was between who they are and who they’d been. 

Harry eventually settled on making sandwiches. Apparently, bread and peanut butter were still acceptable foods to Louis. He smiled triumphantly as he assembled toppings for each of them before placing their plates on the fancy glass table.

As he ate, Harry’s mind wandered, examining every surface and every knickknack from across the room. He’d missed so many events in Louis’ life and now he felt guilty. He wondered if Louis had missed him being there—as a friend, a lover, a confidant. Then Harry imagined all of the things he no longer knew about the man who’d held Harry’s heart in his hand before the younger boy could put a name to the feeling. Harry felt his anxiety rising, his mood plummeting. No, Louis had left him. It wasn’t his fault. He had to stop himself from thinking about it before he went crazy. He forced himself to look at Alice instead of his surroundings.

Alice sat at the table beside him, feet swinging slightly as they dangled above the floor. She stared longingly at the expansive panes of glass in the next room. Harry knew she wanted to look down at the city while she ate, but he couldn't risk her spilling anything on Louis' expensive furniture. Not that he thought Louis would mind buying something new or having something repaired. Hell, he might not even care if he had to refurnish the whole place after they left. Harry felt his head start to throb. Every thought he had was just another reminder of Louis. Louis, who was successful and independent. Louis, who could attain anything he wanted in life, but would never want him. Louis had everything—everything that he could never have achieved if he'd stayed behind with Harry, and that was the part that hurt the most. This entire apartment jeered at him as he sat there alone with his daughter, a constant reminder that Louis had been better off without him, that he didn’t belong here. 

Harry wanted to throw up, but there was no way to let out the misery that was consuming him without Alice seeing. He was trapped—in his life, in this apartment, in this chair. The ringing of a phone suddenly cut through his consciousness. He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and stared in confusion at the blank screen. Then his head snapped up and he saw a cordless phone on the counter flashing in time with each ring. 

Harry rose from his seat and walked toward it on unsteady legs. Normally, Harry wouldn't answer someone else's home phone, but when read the caller ID and saw Louis' name, he knew that this call was only meant for him. 

He picked up on the fourth ring. "Hello?" he said, hoping his voice didn’t sound as weak as it felt.

A familiar sigh came through on the other end. "Took you long enough, Harold. I thought you were supposed to be quicker on the uptake than that, you being a journalist now and all."

Harry rubbed his face, trying to concentrate. He didn't remember mentioning his career to Louis at all. "How did you—"

"Sorry, um. I talked to Lottie this morning," Louis explained, sounding sheepish. "I hope you don’t mind. I mean, I figured it was less creepy than Googling you."

Harry barked out a laugh at that. "So what else do you know?"

"Hmm,” Louis said, sounding a bit more playful. “well I already knew everything from the exact date and time of your birth to the color of the walls in your childhood bedroom. Is there really any more that a person can know about someone?"

Harry smiled into the phone, feeling a wave of affection crash over him, quelling his anxiety from a few minutes ago. “Well, I have to say I’m disappointed in your sleuthing skills. I would have thought you'd have my address, car title, and all of my credit card info by now. I know I would."

"I mean, I could always lure you into the hospital and get your blood type as well. But I figured it would be easier to just ask."

"I don’t even know, to be honest,” Harry replied. This conversation was beyond ridiculous, but it was so easy to talk to Louis that he’d take it anyway. “But I’m glad being a doctor hasn’t robbed you of your sense of humor, Lou.”

“Of course not, Harold. You didn’t have to forfeit your honesty to get your journalism degree, right?” Louis said sarcastically.

Harry was glad Louis couldn’t see him, because he could feel his face turning hot. “No…um. No, I didn’t.”

“Yeah, I can tell. Still just as candid and awkward as you were at seventeen.” There was a wistful tone to Louis’ voice that made Harry feel like maybe Louis had been reminiscing today as well. He coughed a bit, trying to buy time before he had to respond. 

Harry felt a slight tug on his arm. When he looked down, it was to find an anxious Alice hovering at his side. “Daddy,” Alice said urgently.

“What is it, baby girl? Do you need me for something?” His eyes scanned her face for a sign of illness or distress. 

“No, I’m not sick,” she whined, clearly knowing what her father was thinking. “Daddy, is that Dr. Lou?”

“Oh, um. Yes, Alice,” Harry said. “Why do you ask?” 

“Can I say hi to him, Daddy?” she asked, buzzing with excitement as her smile grew wider.

“Honey, Dr. Lou is at the hospital,” Harry explained in exasperation. “He needs to get back to work soon. I promise you’ll have plenty of time to talk to him later, okay?” Maybe it was childish of Harry, but he didn’t understand why Alice wanted to talk to Louis more than him.

“Why can you talk to him, but not me?” Alice folded her arms and pouted.

“Is that your little Alice asking for me?” Louis chimed in. Of course Louis could hear them arguing over talking to him. Harry could practically see the smug grin on Louis’ face. He wanted to hide out of embarrassment.

“Yes,” Harry mumbled back. “Who else?”

“I can talk to her,” Louis said in a chipper tone. “Hand her the phone.”

“But we didn’t finish—” Harry began, before realizing how embarrassingly desperate he sounded. It was like being a teenager all over again, watching Louis leave to go on a date with his first boyfriend. He felt so immature.

“Exactly,” Louis said. “We never even _started_ on why I called anyway, so why not? Hand her the phone, Harold,” Louis’ voice was firmer now and Harry felt that little something stirring in his chest that had always wanted to please Louis. “Okay.” He lowered the phone from his ear and handed it to his daughter, who immediately snatched it from his hand.

Harry didn’t pay attention to what they were saying; he was too busy assessing how embarrassed he should be when he sees Louis later. When Alice handed the phone back to him, Louis’ voice was more sincere, less mischievous. “I take it you had a good time?” Harry asked, sounding just like the sourpuss he was.

Louis laughed. God, Harry had missed that laugh. “Now, Harold,” Louis reprimanded, “are you just jealous that she got all of my attention?”

Harry sputtered. The word _yes_ almost flew past his lips before he could stop it, but he managed to hold it back. 

Louis noticed his silence and made an attempt to relieve the awkwardness. “Or maybe you’re just jealous that Alice has a soft spot for me after only a couple days, huh?”

“Yeah, right,” Harry pretended to scoff, grateful for Louis steering the conversation into safer territory. “I’m not worried.”

“Just you wait,” Louis said, lowering his voice. “By the time you’re in London again, I’m going to be her favorite person. Then what are you going to do?”

“Oh? Is that maybe because you’re spoiling her rotten with all of the things she isn’t supposed to have or do?” Harry asked. “I thought you were supposed to be a doctor.”

“Hey!” Louis said. “I’m only providing her with normal childhood experiences that you refuse to indulge her in. And for your information, Harold, I’m not a regular doctor—I’m a cool doctor.”

“Oh my god, did you really just reference _Mean Girls_ in the middle of an argument?” Harry asked.

There was silence on the other end of the line for a beat. “So what if I am? As I recall, it used to be one of your favorite movies, unless that was someone else I watched it with every October third. Are you saying you’re too grown up to like your favorite movies anymore?” Louis challenged.

“Absolutely not,” Harry replied. “But I am too grown up to keep an empty fridge. Do you run on batteries or something? Are you a vampire now? What is it?”

“Oh, um…yeah. Sorry about that one. I almost never go to a grocery store,” Louis admitted. “You know I’m hopeless in the kitchen, Harold. That’s why you always made everything.”

“Yes, I remember that quite well,” Harry said. Visions of Louis in the hallway, waving oven mitts at the smoke detector to clear the air made him chuckle. “You almost burned my house down making me a birthday cake.”

“Oh, it wouldn’t have burned down. I knew where the fire extinguishers were,” Louis quipped. 

“And you know how to use one, right?” Harry teased.

“Well, I know how to read, so I would’ve figured it out eventually,” Louis answered. “If I almost burned down a house, can you imagine what I’d do if I tried to cook in a giant apartment complex?”

Harry burst out laughing. “Maybe you’re right not to have food in the house, actually. I’d hate to see all of New York go down in a blaze of glory over a box of mac and cheese.”

“Hence why I don’t stock food,” Louis said, chuckling along with Harry. “Besides, the whole city is a giant kitchen. All you have to do is open the menu drawer by the sink and you can eat cuisine from all over the world in less than twenty minutes. _And_ you don’t have to cook it yourself.” Louis paused for a moment to catch his breath. “I know you’re probably not keen on it, though. If you want, I can give you my card and you can go to the store—”

“Louis! I don’t need you to pay for groceries. I’m already taking advantage of your kindness by staying here. We haven’t even discussed what I’ll pay you—”

“You’ll do no such thing, Harold! You’re a guest. Please let me…let me help you out, okay? You have so many things to worry about. And honestly, there are only so many times in a day I can call you Harold, and you’re wearing that number down to zero when it’s barely even noon.”

Harry was silent for a moment. Louis was being too generous and they both knew it. “Louis, I appreciate that, but I can’t really let you do all of this. It’s just too much.”

“No. No, it’s not, Harry. Not even close,” Louis said. From the somber tone of his voice, Harry heard what Louis wasn’t saying. He still felt guilty about how he left, and this was him trying to make it up to Harry. The line was silent except for the faint background noises of the hospital on Louis’ end. “Look, Harry. I’m trying to do the right thing. Is it really that hard to just say okay and let me do it? It would…it would mean something to me. To help you, I mean.”

Harry felt the weight of Louis’ words on his shoulders. The regret he had every day was probably nothing compared to the way Louis felt. Harry had spent so many years wishing he could make himself whole again. If helping him could do that for Louis, then Harry had to let him try. “Okay,” he said softly. “Thank you, Louis.”

Louis let out a breath on the other end of the line. And it was just like they were teenagers again, dancing around their feelings, trying to maintain the delicate balance of their relationship while still protecting their hearts. “Any time, Hazza,” Louis replied quietly. “Listen, I have some appointments now, so I have to go. I should be home around six, though. Tell Alice we can do anything she wants tonight, okay?”

“Okay,” Harry said, feeling numb. 

“Bye, Harry.”

“Bye, Louis,” he answered. The line went dead.

That’s when it hit him: they’d never gotten around to the reason Louis had called. Because there hadn’t been one. 

He’d called just to talk to Harry.

~~~

Louis was just getting up from his desk after he’d hung up when someone crashed through the door to his office. He looked up to see Zayn sporting a mischievous grin on his face. “What?” Louis asked.

“Who were you just talking to?” Zayn pressed, sounding like a gossipy preteen.

Louis rolled his eyes. “A friend, Zayn.” No way in hell was he giving Zayn any more dirt to tease him about. He hurriedly swept up his notes for the next case and made a move toward the door. 

Zayn blocked his way. “Just a friend, who you were telling you would ‘be home around six’?” Zayn quirked his eyebrow up in a way that told Louis the game was over, so he might as well spill.

“Look,” Louis said, exasperated, “you already know, so just let me retain a shred of my dignity by not forcing me to say it.”

“Are you saying that you’re ashamed of your super hot boyfriend and his lovely little girl?” Zayn asked, appalled. “Because if I were you, I’d rent out a billboard in Times Square to advertise it.”

“There’s nothing to advertise,” Louis grumbled. He moved to push past Zayn, who blocked him again. 

“You just called him from work on what was probably your only break in this godforsaken day, to say what exactly? What was so important that it couldn’t wait?” Zayn narrowed his eyes at Louis in challenge.

“I was just, um…checking in with him about Alice, you know,” he said. His fingers were fidgeting with the edge of his coat. 

“Riiiight,” Zayn said. “Let’s assume that that’s true. Then why were you talking to him about when you get home? Are you making plans with him? Is he coming over?” Zayn prodded.

Louis checked his watch. He was already several minutes late to his next appointment. He threw his hands up in frustration. “God, fine. He’s there, okay? He’s already there.” Louis watched in discomfort as Zayn’s expression went from scrutinizing to surprised.

"He's there," Zayn parroted. "As in he's _physically in_ your penthouse as we speak."

Louis covered his face with his hands in horror. Why had he let Zayn get under his skin? "Yes. Yes, that's true," he admitted. 

"Wow, Lou," Zayn said. He closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. "Um, don't you think that's kind of fast?"

"It's not like that!" Louis defended. " _His daughter's there_!"

"Oh, so that's all that's stopping you?"

If Zayn hadn't already been right in front of him, Louis would have launched himself at the other man. He could feel his cheeks blazing. "Zayn, I swear. If you don't shut up, I'll tell Magdalena you donated all the clothes she gave you from her dad." 

Zayn's smug expression flickered into one of worry masked with indignation. "You wouldn't dare."

Louis smiled because he knew he had Zayn right where he wanted him. "Wouldn't I?" he said innocently as he batted his eyelashes. He nudged past a bewildered Zayn and swept out the door. 

As he stepped through the door to the exam room, he faintly heard Zayn’s voice drift down the hall toward him, yelling about telling Magdalena something. But Louis couldn't spare him a thought. All he could think of were the green eyes that visited him every time his mind drifted. Only, when he saw them tonight, they would be real. 

Louis couldn't wait to get home. 

~~~

When Louis’ hand closed around the handle of his front door, the lock easily slid out of place. He swung open the door and stepped inside, closing the door softly behind him. 

At first glance, it seemed like any other night: Louis coming home to his empty, yet spacious, apartment. But tonight was different: Harry was here. Louis’ eyes swept around the kitchen and the living room, trying to detect those telltale signs of an outsider’s presence in one's own space. At first, his eyes skimmed right over the hint of brown curls peeking over the back of the couch, as though they'd always been there. When his brain caught up to his eyes, Louis felt his body tense like a bowstring in anticipation. 

Harry was right there, on his couch, in his home, inescapably his roommate for however many days or weeks he and Alice needed to stay in New York. God, he hadn't thought this through. It was bad enough to get over Harry when he was out of sight and out of mind, but having to stare his perfect ex in the eye across the dinner table every day and sit in the same room as him to watch TV was his own personal hell come to life. 

As he crept forward a few steps to get a better view of Harry, he stumbled into one of his kitchen chairs, smacking his knee hard on the metal frame of the chair. "Ow. Goddammit," he said. The pain reverberating through his leg echoed in time with the loud clang that cut through the apartment. He hobbled for a minute, clutching his knee before giving in and plopping down onto the offending chair.

Just as he was starting to wonder if Harry was watching, the man himself appeared right in front of him. "You okay?" Harry asked, his forehead wrinkling in concern. 

What a ridiculous question to ask! Louis had only been yelling curse words for about thirty seconds straight. Of course he was fine. "Not right now, but I'm sure I will be," Louis answered nonchalantly. "I'd better be," he added under his breath. 

Harry was wringing his hands together anxiously, looking back and forth between Louis’ pained expression and his injured knee. "Do you want me to check it out for you?" he asked slowly. "I mean, I know I'm not the doctor in the room, but I'm an expert in minor injuries. Comes with the territory of being a parent," he finished, shrugging. 

Oh, hell, to have Harry close to him and touching him when he was so vulnerable from his pain was probably the worst idea in the world. Louis knew he'd hate himself for it later, but he nodded his assent anyway. 

Harry slowly crouched down on the ground in front of him and gently nudged Louis' hands away from where they clutched his knee. Louis relaxed a bit at the feel of Harry's touch; Harry would take care of him—he always had. He winced a bit as Harry's fingers found the sore spot. “Careful,” Louis pleaded, sounding embarrassingly whiny. He was a doctor for god’s sake. How could he turn into a wimp so effortlessly just from Harry’s presence?

Harry's eyes flicked up to meet his, a spark of fear in them ready to ignite into full-fledged panic at any moment. "I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Was that too painful?" he asked, starting to draw his hands away. 

Louis stopped him, shaking his head, both in an effort to answer Harry and to unjumble the mess of thoughts in his head. "I don't know. It's too fresh to tell what's just the initial pain and what's potentially something worse." 

Harry bit his lip and Louis found himself watching with rapt attention, watching it curl in and then slide out past Harry’s teeth again. For a moment, all he could think of was pain and how badly he wanted to be that lip. He wasn’t sure if it was the haze of the pain or Harry’s close proximity, but he was starting to feel heady and he needed to gather his bearings before he embarrassed himself any further.

Harry was sitting back on his haunches, touching the skin over Louis’ injury like it was as delicate as the flowers they’d exchanged the day prior. Louis was reminded of the day Harry had found an injured bird in his backyard and spent weeks nursing it back to health. He’d always thought of that memory as one of the first things that made him fall in love with Harry, the catalyst of the feelings he harbored secretly until he was old enough to understand what they were. Comparing Harry now, all grown up, to the boy he’d still been during their teenage years was one thing; to see in that same man the young boy from when they’d met was enough to send Louis’ head spinning. He needed to put some space between him and Harry pronto.

Louis braced his hands on the arms of the chairs and moved to stand. Harry looked at him questioningly, but backed away all the same. “Are you sure you should be walking right now?” he asked skeptically.

No, actually. Louis knew he shouldn’t be walking, but he needed something to distract him from the pain of the emotions that were resurfacing. What better way than to put himself back in agony? “I’ll be fine,” Louis assured him, making an effort to limp as little as possible as he crossed the room to the couch. 

He flopped down onto the posh white fur and tried to relax. Soon after, Harry appeared again, eyeing the couch distastefully for a moment before sitting by Louis’ feet. Louis felt a twinge of embarrassment, wondering how his home must look to Harr. It was still adorned with all of the ridiculous furnishings he hadn’t bothered to swap out. When it was just him, it didn’t matter. Yet, having Harry here made every flaw that much more pronounced, every staged detail that much more cheesy.

But when he looked at the coffee table and saw copies of the magazine he assumed Harry worked for spread out next to a laptop, he felt a fondness for the way Harry was making himself at home anyway. Something deep inside Louis was telling him that Harry belonged here, should always have been here. Harry picked up his laptop and balanced it on one knee, curling up at Louis’ feet like nothing had changed. Louis wished he could freeze time, watch Harry here—in his home—forever. 

“So where’s Alice?” Louis asked. It was unusual to see Harry now without his daughter two steps ahead or behind.

Harry finished typing a sentence before he looked up. “Right, well, she’s in our room playing with a couple of the toys she brought over with her. We usually each take a bit of time to ourselves every night so that I can get some work done and she can play around without me hovering. It works out pretty well,” Harry said with a shrug.

Louis hummed in thought. “That sounds nice,” he remarked. He tried to imagine Harry in his home back in London, sitting at a desk and typing away while Alice played in the next room. He caught himself wishing he could see it in person someday. “So, um…do you guys like your room? I mean, I would have given you two separate rooms, but, um…the third room doesn’t even have furniture at this point.”

“Of course it’s fine,” Harry said. “The room is beyond lovely, and it’s certainly better than what I could afford at a hotel.” He started typing furiously again. “Besides, if we took both spare rooms, where would you keep the bodies?”

It took Louis a moment to realize what Harry had said before he burst out into laughter. “Shit! You weren’t supposed to know about that yet. I’m creating an army of the undead. I was going to ask you to be the leader, on account of the stick you seemed to have so far up your ass,” Louis teased. “But if you’re playing nice now, then I might have to find someone tougher for the job.”

“I’ll consider that a compliment either way,” Harry shot back, reading over something on his screen. “As much as I’d love to head your zombie army, I do have other responsibilities. I hope that wasn’t a condition of our tenancy here, was it?” he asked, aiming his green eyes at Louis.

Louis pretended his breathlessness was from the laughter. “Well, even if you won’t help my cause, you’re still welcome. I may have to kick you out for your safety as some point, but I hope you’ll find the accommodations suitable until then.”

“Just don’t let the zombies eat my laptop or my daughter and we should be good,” Harry quipped. He was clicking around on his computer again and Louis had the immature urge to smack it onto the floor. Even though Harry had kept up with the conversation, he definitely didn’t have Harry’s full attention because of the damn thing.

“For the love of god, Harry, what are you working on that’s so important you can’t stop for a few minutes?” Louis asked.

Harry paused his typing to raise an eyebrow in Louis’ direction. “If you have a problem with it, all you have to do is say so,” he said somewhat harshly. When he saw Louis’ affronted look, he softened. “I mean, I can stop for a bit if you need me for something,” he amended, “but I’ve fallen behind from all the traveling and settling in. I’m already asking for extensions that will put me right at the deadline for the final proof, but they can’t push back the print date just for a freelancer. If I don’t make the deadline, I don’t get paid.” 

“That sounds stressful. How can you live like that?”

“Says the man who literally has people’s lives in his hands!”

Louis shrugged. “You get used to it after a while. Especially when it’s all you know.”

“Well this is all I know,” Harry said, gesturing at his laptop. “It’s what I have to do to have the job I want. Other than Alice…this job is all I have.”

Louis nodded slowly, things finally taking shape in his head as he imagined Harry’s life, constantly being thrown this way and that as he tried to build a stable life with an erratic workload and a sick child. It reminded him of his own life with the never-ending emergencies that pulled him out of bed at all hours of the night. “I get it,” he said finally. “You do it because you love it, even if it could destroy you. Because it wouldn’t be worth waking up every day to do anything else. Because it’s all you have to hold on to.” When he looked at Harry again, an understanding seemed to pass between them. They were two separate boats in the same ocean, trying to hold on while the waves tossed them around. Oh, if only they could join their boats together so that they might have a better chance of making it to land. All it would take is one of them to reach out, to grasp the other’s hands tightly and hold on, to be able to weather the storm. Harry’s expression was soft as he leaned in closer and rested his hand on Louis’ leg, and Louis knew. He just knew that Harry was feeling the same thing he was as they searched each other’s eyes. Louis wanted so badly to give in. He was already sitting up. If he just leaned in and Harry met him halfway…

“Louis, I—”

The sharp sound of frantic knocking against the front door severed the thread that had formed between them, ending the moment. Louis could have cried. Harry’s hand was gone from his leg and Harry was moving away from him. It took a moment for Louis to realize that Harry was getting up to answer the door. “No, wait. I’ll do it,” Louis insisted. “It is my apartment. You shouldn’t have to deal with whoever’s kid is selling stupid plants or whatnot.”

Louis swung his legs down and stood up slowly, testing his weight out on the leg whose pain had faded to a dull throb. Harry reached a hand out to steady him and Louis may or may not have accepted it just for the sake of Harry touching him.

By the time Louis made it to the door, the sound of knuckles rapping on the door resumed. “Lay off the knocking, I’m right here,” he called. At that, the knocking became rapid. The second Louis unlocked the door, he wrenched it open in a rage, ready to lay into whoever had so rudely disturbed his peace with Harry.

To Louis' surprise, a very familiar face stood on the other side of the threshold. "Hey, Z," he said uncertainly. He didn’t know why Zayn was just randomly dropping by. They always called or texted before they hung out. Louis cast a nervous look over his shoulder to see Harry engrossed in his writing. He lowered his voice significantly before he continued. "Not to be rude, but...what are you doing here? You know Harry and Alice moved in today, and I wasn't really planning on having any guests while they're staying."

Zayn flashed a smile at him. "Of course I know that. I just figured I'll be seeing a lot of them, so why not introduce myself?" he asked. He played it off so innocently, but Louis knew Zayn was just there out of prurient curiosity. "Plus, I brought takeout." Zayn held up a big bag full of containers that smelled ridiculously good. Louis thought about the fact that he barely had any food in the house and didn't even know how to cook for himself in the first place, much less a party of three. Louis sighed and stepped aside for Zayn to pass through. "Well, come in, then."

"I knew the food would be the key to your heart," Zayn bragged as he pushed his way past Louis and into the apartment. "Now take this," he said, shoving the food at Louis and looking around eagerly. "If you'll excuse me, I have a seriously hot guy and his daughter to meet."

"Oh, my god, I _knew_ you were here to check Harry out,” Louis accused. “Great, this is the perfect way to meet your surgeon. Very professional, Zayn." Louis threw his hands up in the air and groaned.

Zayn just smiled aggravatingly back at him. "Sometimes it helps patients to know that surgeons are people, too," he said with a shrug. "Speaking of patients, where's the little angel I've been hearing you and Magdalena babble on about nonstop?"

Louis could feel his eyes widen. "Are you kidding me, Zayn? This was the brightest idea you could come up with for tonight?”

Zayn glared at him, but Louis could see that it was an empty threat. There was something about Zayn that seemed a bit pushier than usual—needier, perhaps. Ever the concerned friend, Louis gave in. “Um, Harry, do you mind running to get Alice?" he called over his shoulder in the direction of the couch. 

The sound of Harry’s rapid typing and clicking ceased. The silence was followed by the snap of the laptop closing before Harry set it carefully on the end table. "Sorry, Lou. What was that?" Harry asked as he rose from the couch and stretched his long limbs. Louis watched longingly. 

To think that only a few moments ago, Louis had been touching him, nearly ready to kiss him before Zayn showed up and ruined everything. He wished he could rewind time—make his move faster and spare him the agony of _almost_. Louis was torn between admiring the view and trying to protect the younger man from Zayn's prying eyes. 

Before he could make up his mind, Harry was slowly turning around to face him. "I was just really concentrating on my work and I wasn't list—" Harry's speech halted when he saw Zayn standing in the entryway. His expression turned to one of curiosity. Then he was scrambling around the couch and across the room to join the awkward pair lingering near the doorway. "Lou, who is this?" Harry asked politely, coming up beside Louis. 

Louis sighed and swiped a hand across his forehead. "This," he said, wishing that he could fall through the floor, "is Zayn Malik, otherwise known as my partner." Realizing how ambiguous it might have sounded, he quickly added, "my practice partner, that is."

Harry's eyebrows rose. "Oh... _oh_ , yes, you're the surgeon we were referred to. And then, as fate would have it, Louis showed up instead." Harry gave a short laugh and held out his hand to greet Zayn. “I’m Harry Styles. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Dr. Malik.”

Zayn reached out and grasped Harry’s hand firmly in a handshake. “Just call me Zayn. Lovely to meet you, Harry,” he said. “I’ve heard a lot about you from Louis over the years. I’m glad to finally put a face to the name.”

Louis swore his eyes should have popped out of their sockets from the anger he felt toward Zayn in that moment. A glance at Harry showed that his mouth had dropped open slightly out of shock. “Okay, um, yeah,” Louis said awkwardly. “Well, Zayn brought some takeout for dinner, so…Harry, why don’t you go get Alice?”

Harry just nodded, seeming grateful to have an excuse to leave the room. He didn’t spare Louis a glance before he was off down the hallway. When he had slipped into the room he shared with Alice, Louis turned on Zayn, eyes blazing. “What the hell was that?” he hissed. “What was I thinking letting you in here?”

Zayn held his hands up in surrender. “Hey, that was all you, man. But really, you should be thanking me.”

“Thanking you! Are you serious?” Louis was beyond outraged. “What the hell should I be thanking you for? Making me look like a pining fool in front of my ex? Making him feel uncomfortable? Forcing him to meet the man who’s going to operate on his daughter’s heart in a fucking kitchen, like we’re a back alley surgical center?”

Zayn crossed his arms and stared Louis right in the eye. “Look, I was only telling him something you would never have had the guts to tell him yourself. If he knows that you never stopped thinking about him, then maybe he’ll admit that he still has feelings for you. Which he does, by the way,” Zayn clarified. 

Louis’ seething temper calmed enough to let his curiosity through. How the hell would Zayn know just from ten seconds that Harry still felt something for Louis? “Explain,” he barked at his friend.

“Well, did you see how fast he came running over to impress me when he saw you had a friend here? That’s something a spouse does, not a house guest,” Zayn said, chuckling, as if he were explaining basic math to Louis.

When Louis really thought about it, the logic made sense. There was no reason for Harry to pay any regard to someone who walked through Zayn’s door. But at the same time, Harry had always been polite to a fault. When he told Zayn as much, the other man just snorted a laugh. “Then how do you explain the red face and the fact that he wouldn’t look at you after I said that?”

Louis could feel his own cheeks grow warm, remembering how close he and Harry had been just a few minutes ago. He’d been right there, almost close enough to taste. 

Zayn must have seen the dreamy look on his face because Louis heard him start snickering. “Daydreaming of the past or the present, Tommo?”

“None of your business, _Malik_ ,” Louis said as he spun on his heel, forgetting the fading pain in his knee and wobbling toward the kitchen table. 

“Damn, Lou, I always took you as more of a top, but at least you guys are getting somewhere,” Zayn teased. 

“We’re not. I walked into a chair,” Louis snapped. He reached the table and started ripping containers open, his patience having abandoned him for the day.

“Sure, we’ll go with that. You have to be dying to get him in your bed, though. I mean you’ve been celibate for what, fifteen years because of him?”

“It’s not _because of_ him. It’s a choice inspired by him,” Louis replied tightly. “Most importantly, it’s a choice I’m not discussing with you right now.” He hobbled over to the silverware drawer to pull out four forks. Normally, he wouldn’t mind talking to Zayn about his lackluster love life, but he couldn’t risk Harry and Alice walking out to hear this conversation.

Zayn followed his every step as he bustled about, refusing to let Louis slide. “Okay, but let me just ask you one question, as your best friend,” Zayn asked.

"Fine. What?" Louis asked exasperatedly. He slammed the forks down on the table and faced Zayn with crossed arms.

“If his hands are that big, then how—”

“No!”

“No, as in it’s not?”

“No as in I’m not discussing that with you!” Louis groaned in frustration. His voice had grown too loud and he hoped that Harry and Alice were too distracted to care what he was yelling about. Zayn was pushing all of his buttons tonight, and he seemed to be working twice as hard as usual. Louis knew something was off. “Not to be rude, but why are you really here, Zayn? You never come over out of the blue.” Zayn just rolled his eyes at Louis until Louis fixed him with a glare that said he wasn’t letting him off the hook so easily.

Zayn’s gaze faltered for a moment, flickering toward the floor. At first, Louis thought he wasn’t going to answer. "I think...Gigi's cheating on me," he said, sounding broken. 

Louis watched as his friend's shoulders drooped. He reached out his hand and guided Zayn to the table to sit next to him. "You think or you know?" Louis asked, shoving aside the boxes of takeout that were suddenly so trivial. 

Zayn stared at the table for a minute before answering. "She won't admit it, but I...I'm pretty sure, Lou. What am I going to do? Everything I planned for our life together is ruined!"

“Hold on a second,” Louis said, his mind boggled. “What made you think she’s cheating in the first place?” He surreptitiously craned his neck to look down the hall for signs of Harry and Alice. He briefly wondered what was taking them so long, but he didn’t have time to go looking for them. Right now, he needed to be a good friend. He turned his full attention to Zayn.

“I heard it from a neighbor, Louis. A neighbor!” Zayn yelled. “They told me it was so nice of us to let Gigi’s brother stay with us. I just agreed, because I didn’t know what the hell they were talking about. Then I walked in the door and she wouldn’t even look at me when I went to kiss her hello. I asked her if everything was okay and she just kept shrugging me off, not even answering me,” he said. Zayn tugged on his hair in frustration. 

“Did you talk to her about what the neighbor said?” Louis asked, silently praying that Zayn was just overreacting. 

“How could I ask without looking suspicious and like I don’t trust her?” He eyed Louis helplessly, slumping forward until his forehead rested on the table. “I don’t want to be that jealous boyfriend, Lou. It never ends well.”

Louis sighed heavily. “Well, I know from experience that by avoiding your relationship problems, you’re setting yourself up for failure,” Louis said sarcastically. “As much as I hate to say it, you kind of have to go with your instincts on things like this, because emotions are misleading and everybody knows that logic doesn’t apply to love. So if you have a hunch about your relationship with Gigi, there’s probably something to it. But you really have to think about how badly you want it to work before you talk to her.”

Zayn’s answering silence lingered in the air between them as Zayn’s stare focused on Louis like a laser.

"What the fuck, Louis? So I'm supposed to just pretend like nothing's wrong, even though I know I'm probably right, and find a way to confront the problem without seeming jealous. That sounds perfectly feasible, " Zayn said. "Some great advice you give." 

Louis glared back at him. "Well it's better than nothing, and it's way better than marching in like some asshole and demanding to know about the mysterious 'brother' of hers that you're apparently harboring," Louis argued. He leaned in forward to make his point clear. "I'll tell you right now that if you go in with guns blazing, then your relationship is already over. You can't accuse someone of cheating and expect them to take it in stride, Z."

"No, but evidently, you can abandon someone on another continent for over a decade and pick them back up like nothing happened," Zayn snapped. 

"That's beside the point, Z," Louis told him. "You and Gigi haven't even broken up. You don’t even know for sure that she’s cheating. Maybe you could give her the benefit of doubt until then, don’t you think?" He was starting to feel overwhelmed with his friend's attitude. He took a deep breath to calm himself. “Even still, the situation with me and Harry is not a good comparison."

“Not a good comparison?” Zayn scoffed. “In both cases, one person fucked over the one person who loved them most and broke their heart to pieces. Does it really make a difference how or why?”

Louis narrowed his eyes, willing Zayn to get the message. His friend knew that his relationship with Harry was a sore subject, and he was deliberately pushing Louis’ buttons anyway. His instinct was to let Zayn have it, but he held himself back. “Listen, Zayn, I know you’re upset right now about Gigi, and you’ve always been pretty tolerant of my…problems, so I’m going to let that comment slide,” he said sternly. “But that’s the only pass you’re going to get from me on that subject.”

Zayn simply nodded, staring down at the table, his expression impassive. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled.

Louis sighed heavily and reached over to place a hand on Zayn’s shoulder. It hurt to see his friend look so dejected, but there was only so much he could do about it. He didn’t know what Gigi had or hadn’t done, and he couldn’t change it anyway, but the one thing he could do was make sure Zayn was prepared no matter what.

“Zayn,” he said, “I know it’s hard to love someone and to be disappointed in them. But I also know what it’s like to be the person who upsets the balance. Trust me, it’s not a good feeling. You need to be really sure of what you want before you try to talk to Gigi. You need to be prepared for whatever she might say. I mean, if you accuse her of cheating and she tells you she isn’t, are you prepared to lose her over it?”

Zayn just looked up at him helplessly. “I—I don’t know, Lou.”

“Exactly. So what if you confront her and she tells you that she’s seeing someone else? Are you going to ask her to stop? What if you do and she says no? Are you going to fight for her? Worse, what if she says she will stop seeing him? Would you be willing to stay with her once you know she was with another guy?”

Zayn clutches his forehead with both hands. “Are you trying to kill me, Lou? How am I supposed to answer any of those questions? I don’t even know the truth yet. And I might not know until I talk to her.”

“That’s entirely possible,” Louis acknowledged. “You have no idea what’s really going on, but you need to make sure you’ve thought it through before you do anything. Those are all possibilities you need to sort out in your head first. Just remember that whatever you decide to do, you need to make sure you can live with it.”

“I know you’re trying to help, Lou,” Zayn said, “but you’re making me panic.” He threw his hands up in the air. “I mean, I don’t want to offend you, but…it’s been so long since you were in love with someone, Lou. You and Harry were just teenagers when you were together.” Zayn rubbed his eyes. Louis did his best not to say anything, in spite of the voice screaming inside his head that what he and Harry had surpassed Zayn’s connection with Gigi ten times over. Zayn looked up to see Louis’ guarded expression. “I’m sorry, Lou. I don’t mean to make you feel bad about it. I just…maybe you were right: you and Harry are a bad comparison for what I’m going through. You were both so young when everything happened. You just weren’t thinking and you did something you’ve regretted ever since.”

“Maybe that’s exactly why you should take my advice,” Louis said somberly, staring down at his folded hands as they rested on the table. “As a cautionary tale.”

“What do you mean?” Zayn asked. 

“I may not know what it’s like to live with someone and build a life with them,” Louis admitted quietly, “but I know how it feels to lose the love of your life because you were naïve and thought your relationship was invincible.” This time when Zayn’s gaze settled on his face, Louis stared back into Zayn’s eyes, allowing him a glimpse of the pain that haunted Louis even still. Zayn’s expression saddened and he opened his mouth to say something, but Louis didn’t let him. “I need you to understand, Zayn. Please,” he pleaded, “if you ever loved Gigi, then listen to what I’m trying to tell you. Take your time deciding how you want to do this with her. You won’t get a second chance if you get it wrong. I could never forgive myself if you become like me, torturing yourself for the rest of your life over a single choice you made.”

“It can’t still be that bad, Lou. I mean, it’s been fifteen years.”

“Oh, but that’s where you’re wrong,” Louis said as he shook his head sadly. “I have to wake up every day, knowing that I made the worst mistake of my life that day. And there’s nothing I can do to take it back.” 

~~~

"Daddy, are we going to the kitchen now? You said Dr. Lou's friend brought dinner, and I'm starving." 

Harry stood just inside the doorway to their room, his back pressed against the wall as he struggled to listen to Louis' conversation with Zayn. He was a little embarrassed that his daughter had caught him eavesdropping, but he also knew that it was his only hope of finding out what was really going through Louis' mind since they met again. 

Alice started tugging on his arm lightly. "Daddy, come on. Let's go meet Dr. Lou's friend," she insisted. 

Harry's ears had barely picked up anything other than Zayn's relationship crisis at this point. What would he lose to just walk out there with Alice right now? Yet, something told him to stay put. "Um, we'll go out there in a few minutes, Alice. Dr. Lou is having an adult conversation that I don't want to interrupt." Harry hoped that would be a good enough explanation for her. 

"Okay, daddy," Alice relented, calming a bit. 

"You should play for a few minutes. I'll let you know when they're done talking so we can come back out."

Alice nodded and skipped back over to the small pile of toys she had packed. Harry could see she was bored with them already, but they couldn't have fit any more in their luggage. He made a mental note to ask Louis about a toy store. 

That's when he finally heard something that caught his attention--his name. Zayn was talking about him, which meant Louis was probably talking about him too. Harry strained to hear more from down the hallway. “…know how it feels to lose the love of your life…” Harry’s throat constricted at hearing those words, spoken so carefully in Louis’ soft voice. Was Louis talking about him, or someone else? He knew Louis was single and seemed to have been so for a while, but he didn’t know if Louis had found love after him. They’d been apart for over a decade, so it shouldn’t surprise him. Just like the thought shouldn’t rouse so much jealousy in Harry. He tried to focus enough to hear the rest of the conversation. He could hear the rumble of Zayn’s voice now.

"…still be that bad, Lou. I mean…fifteen years.” Fifteen years—the same amount of time that he and Louis had been apart. They were talking about Harry. Harry had been the love of Louis’ life, but Louis hadn’t even contacted him beyond the first month after he’d left. It didn’t make sense. All the facts became jumbled up in Harry’s head. He forced himself to concentrate. He needed to hear Louis’ answer.

“I have to wake up every day, knowing that I made the worst mistake of my life that day. And there’s nothing I can do to take it back.”

Harry's eyes widened. Did Louis really feel that way, like he was still suffering over losing Harry? But it couldn't be, because if he'd wanted to, Louis could have come back. If he'd loved Harry that much, he could have come back and Harry could have forgiven him and...Harry paused for a moment. If Louis had come back, would he really have just accepted Louis back like he'd never left? Louis leaving had broken Harry's heart and in retrospect, he could see that Louis had known it would. He'd known that his abandonment would crush Harry and he’d still left anyway. Harry still wasn’t sure if he could ever move beyond that knowledge, and the longer the thoughts lingered in his mind, the more his heart ached and the harder it was to breathe.  
Memories flashed through his mind of his life after Louis—the never-ending tunnel of hopeless misery he'd been trapped in and the lengths he’d gone to so he could escape. Harry suddenly felt sick as he wondered how Louis would react if he ever found out. Louis may have loved the Harry he’d known growing up, but that Harry had ceased to exist without Louis by his side. Could Louis ever find a place in his heart for the broken man Harry had become? Maybe Gloria had been right. From the moment they said goodbye, their relationship had been irrevocably changed. And just like Louis, Harry’s mistakes would scar his soul forever.  
~~~

He was still standing against the doorframe when he heard footsteps coming down the hallway. He barely found the energy to fling himself across the room toward where Alice was playing. He was awkwardly standing over her, moving to clean up some of her toys when he heard Louis walk into the room.

“Hey,” Louis said. Harry waited for more, but Louis didn’t say anything.

Harry turned his head to look at Louis and saw him standing there shuffling his feet nervously. He supposed they must both be feeling the same way around each other. “Hey, Lou. What’s up?” 

“I, um…thought you were coming to get Alice…so we could eat dinner,” Louis said. 

“Oh. Yeah, um…I came in here to get her but then I heard Zayn start yelling. I thought you guys could use a little privacy,” Harry finished lamely. He picked up a few of the coloring books Alice wasn’t using and straightened them into a neat stack on the dresser. When he turned around, he caught a pair of blue eyes trained on him.

To Harry’s surprise, Louis chuckled. “Yeah, Zayn’s a little on the moody side. He’s having some girlfriend troubles, so he’s a bit on edge right now,” he explained.

“Oh, that…makes sense,” Harry answered. “I just didn’t want to interrupt in case there was something you two needed to sort out.”

Louis smirked a bit, easing the tension as he continued to watch Harry. “I spend almost every day with him pestering me over something. The last thing we need is more time alone.” Louis rolled his eyes, making Harry laugh. 

God, it felt so good to be around Louis again, but Harry knew better than to let Louis see how much their reunion meant to him. Harry turned around, hiding his expression from Louis and continued to pick up after Alice. Just as he was about to grab for a stuffed animal, he accidentally knocked it out of reach. Frustrated, he took a step forward to reach for it again. His foot landed awkwardly on a plastic toy he hadn’t seen, causing him to stumble. When he tried to catch his footing, but with Alice on one side and toys on the other, he had nowhere to go. He resigned himself to falling in the most humiliating way ever, but as he braced for impact, he felt a strong arm snake around his waist, catching him effortlessly. 

“Just as graceful as ever, huh, Hazza?” said an all-too-familiar voice. He felt Louis’ soft breath on his neck and instinctively started leaning into it before he realized what he was doing and stiffened. It was so unfair to be so close to Louis and not be able to bridge the gap between them. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could last before he gave in. “I told you I’d take care of you,” Louis murmured. “It’s time you started believing me.” Louis righted him on his feet and took a step back, smiling at him. 

Harry looked down and saw Alice’s keen eyes observing the exchange between him and Louis and he quickly looked away. It wasn’t bad enough that it had happened, but now he’d have to talk to Alice about it all later. 

“Harry, are you all right?” Louis asked. Of course Louis knew that something was wrong. Because even if they hadn’t seen each other in over a decade, Louis could still read him like a book. Before, the skill had made it easier to communicate. Now, it was just another nail in the coffin of Harry’s efforts to keep his distance.

He swore the temperature in his cheeks had nearly maxed out, so he averted his face when he addressed Louis again. “Um, yeah. Thanks. Um, we should um…eat now. Yeah, let’s go eat.” He held out his hand for Alice, who gripped it lightly in her own, casting him a questioning look. It might have made him a terrible father that he ignored it, but there was nothing he could tell her with Louis in the room; his explanations would have to wait. 

He saw Louis waiting by the doorway, as if he were there to escort them. Harry’s heartrate picked up shamefully. He chastised every part of his body that was betraying him, but a much deeper part of him was actually grateful for his reaction. If Louis’ presence could wake up the part of him that had succumbed to darkness long ago, then maybe Harry could learn to feel like himself again, like the person he’d been when they were growing up and Louis was still the earth to Harry’s moon. It was this thought that lingered on Harry’s mind as their unlikely group sat down to dinner—four near strangers kept in orbit by the inexplicable gravity between Harry and Louis. 

After dinner, they lounged on Louis’ plush furniture, chatting easily as they all pretended not to notice the blue eyes that never left Harry’s face. Yet, the small spark that lit up inside him at knowing that Louis still found him enthralling was impossible to ignore. He recalled the way they’d always stared at each other when they were teenagers, as if they couldn’t stand the thought of their attention falling elsewhere. Harry supposed there were some things that all the time and distance in the world would never change. He wanted so desperately to stare back into the pools of blue he’d always loved and fall right in. But Harry wasn’t the same person anymore, and this time, he knew he would drown. 

~~~

As Harry lay in bed that night beside Alice, he was grateful. He was grateful that their first encounter with Zayn had gone off without a hitch. He was grateful that he hadn’t embarrassed himself. Most of all, though, he was grateful that when he put Alice to bed, she hadn’t asked him any questions. As much as he wanted to be honest with his daughter, he knew that he couldn’t be unless he were honest with himself first—and he was nowhere near ready for that battle. 

The only thing Harry could do now was lie wide awake, wondering how he’d ended up in this predicament. He could hear Louis moving around still in the next room, so apparently he wasn’t the only one who couldn’t sleep. He wondered if the same thoughts keeping him awake were troubling Louis as well. 

His mind drifted to the conversation he’d overheard earlier between Louis and Zayn. Something about the moment snagged on a memory from many years ago. Harry tried to fight it; the memories he had of him and Louis were painful. But he felt himself being slowly drawn in until he caved.

_Harry was smiling. He sat beside his loving boyfriend Louis at a table full of Louis’ family. The air was as thick with joyful chatter as the house was bursting with holiday decorations and cheer. But the holiday spirit was hardly the reason for Harry’s excitement._

_Today was Louis’ nineteenth birthday, and Harry was going to make a speech professing his love for him in front of his whole family._

_He watched as Louis played with Daisy and Phoebe, a warmth building in his chest that outshone the fire across the room. He went over his speech in his head once more, praying he’d get it right when he said the words aloud. He was starting to fret more than ever when he heard the sharp sound of silverware tapping on glass._

_The room fell silent as Jay stood from the table, glass raised as she started to speak. “The house might look like Christmas today, and to any other family, this is a normal day of celebration. But to me, this is more than just a holiday. Today is the nineteen-year anniversary of the day I held my son, Louis, for the first time.” She looked at Louis affectionately. “Louis, I could never have imagined how much you would change my life from the moment you were born. Being your mom has held so many surprises, and I just want to say that I’m so proud of everything you’ve accomplished already in just nineteen years. I know you’ve been doing a lot of thinking about the future, so I want to give you the best advice I can.”_

_Louis smiled up at his mom and Harry thought his heart would melt. He tried to imagine what his life would be like when he celebrated his first child’s nineteenth birthday. He imagined standing at the head of the table, like Jay was doing now, and Louis standing next to him, holding his hand or wrapping an arm around him as they reminisced about the wonders of watching their first baby grow up._

_The thought calmed him enough to realize that he’d missed half of Jay’s speech. He immediately tuned in so he would hear the rest of what his second mother had to say. “No matter what you decide to do,” Jay said, still smiling at Louis, “I want you to know that I love you and will always be proud to call myself your mother. I think everyone in this room feels the same. Except for the mother part,” she joked. “That’s a claim only I have.” She flicked her eyes to Harry and his heart sped up. It was almost time._

_“However, there is one person I know who has been a part of your life almost as long as me and loves you every bit as much as I do. You’ve found someone who will always be there for you, no matter what your future holds, and that’s all I’ve ever wanted for you, boobear. From the age I’m at now, I can assure you that everything you accomplish means a lot less if you don’t have someone to share it with.” Jay’s gaze turned to Harry, who stared back at her, hoping he didn’t look as terrified as he felt. He wanted so badly for her to continue, because he felt like he’d never be ready for this. “Harry?” she prompted. “I’ve heard you have something you’d like to say to Louis?”_

_Harry nodded and stood up shakily. He stared down at his hands, unable to meet the dozens of eyes that rested on him. He tried to find the words he’d planned out in his head, but his thoughts were blank. He couldn’t do this. Telling Jay he wanted to give a speech at the party was the worst idea he’d had in a long time, but there was almost no hope of getting out of it now. “Um, hi…everyone,” he said, his voice a little unsteady. “Um, as you, um…know, I’m Harry, Louis’…boyfriend.” God, he wished everyone would stop staring at him. There was so much he wanted to say to Louis today. He’d wanted to make this special, and now he was ruining it all by stumbling over his words. He should have known better than to think he could do this in front of an audience._

_Harry’s face felt flushed and his heart sped up. He was contemplating the most graceful way to leave the room when he felt a small, soft hand brush against his own. He looked down to see Louis staring up at him like he was the center of the universe. Louis’ hand curled around Harry’s, anchoring him and reminding him of his reason for everything he did. From the first time he’d looked into those blue eyes, Harry had known he would do anything to keep looking into them for as long as he lived. When Louis squeezed his hand, Harry squeezed back. He could find the strength to do this, because it was for the boy he loved more than the sun and all the stars._

_“So…I’m lucky enough to have known Louis for a very long time,” he continued. “I know not everyone would think that’s lucky,” he said, earning a poke in the side from Louis that made him giggle, “but I can say that the best decision I ever made was picking him as my best friend. I was only six at the time, but I think there was something in me that just knew I had to have him all to myself,” he said, finally turning to face Louis. He saw the adoring look in Louis’ eyes and swallowed hard as his throat started to swell from holding back tears. “And since that day, Louis, my whole life has changed. I—I can’t even imagine where I’d be without you, because no one else could have been what you are to me. You’re my everything, Louis. And I’m so proud to call myself not just your boyfriend, but your best friend, and…maybe even your soul mate.” Harry said the last words quietly, his gaze faltering as he looked at Louis. Louis just held his hand tighter._

_“I know that we’re still so young, and I know that one of the reasons you haven’t gone off to college yet is because you don’t want me to feel left behind. But, Lou, I want you to know that it’s okay. You don’t have to wait for me or worry about me. I want you to have everything you’ve ever dreamed of. No matter how much our lives change, the way I feel about you never will. So if you want to go to off to London or something for Uni, I want you to go. I want you to achieve your dreams and know that you don’t have to worry about losing me. I’ll wait for you, Lou,” Harry said as he grabbed Louis’ other hand and looked into his stunned eyes. “Because I can’t imagine myself loving anyone else as much as I love you. Even when you tug on my curls or push me in the pool,” he added, trying to lighten the mood. He watched Louis, trying to gauge his reaction, but all he could read in his love’s features was shock. “Aren’t you going to say something, Lou? I’ve never seen you speechless before,” Harry joked. He hoped that his gesture hasn’t made Louis uncomfortable._

_Louis blinked a few times, trying to pull himself back to reality. “But…Hazza, I…” Louis just shook his head. “Are you sure?”_

_Harry nodded insistently. “Of course I am, or I wouldn’t have made a big speech about it.” Everyone in the room laughed, while Harry blushed, having forgotten that they still had an audience._

_“You’re…incredible. Just incredible.” Louis shook his head, as if he couldn’t believe this was happening. “Love you, Hazza.”_

_Harry’s heart melted. He never got tired of hearing Louis declare his love for him. “Love you always, Lou.”_

_Louis cast his eyes down and mumbled something that sounded like, “I don’t deserve you,” but Harry couldn’t be sure. He just watched his boyfriend with a concerned expression as Louis refused to meet his eyes. Harry looked around the room and saw that everyone had returned to their conversations from before, meaning they had a bit more privacy now._

_Harry sat down in his chair again, balancing on the edge so that his knee was pressed against Louis’ thigh. Sometimes Louis got into strange moods that Harry didn’t understand; those moods had become more frequent once they’d started dating two years before. The only thing that seemed to work was Harry holding him and murmuring sweet words in his ear, but even that was hit or miss. Harry took it as a good sign that Louis wasn’t shrinking away from him right now. “Hey, Lou, look at me,” Harry said in a low voice. He raised a hand to touch Louis’ cheek. His boyfriend’s eyes fluttered, but stayed trained downward. Harry frowned as he brushed his thumb across Louis’ cheekbone. “Please look at me, love. I want to see those pretty blue eyes of yours.”_

_Louis gave in, letting his head tilt up so that their gazes were level. Harry smiled back at him, hoping he looked more cheerful than he felt. “Hi, love. Want to tell me what that was all about?” he pressed._

_Louis weighed his words for a moment. “It’s just, um…the idea of Uni is really stressful to me right now, that’s all. I—was hoping not to think too much about my future today.”_

_“Oh,” Harry said softly, realizing his mistake. “I’m sorry, Lou. I didn’t realize or I wouldn’t have brought it up in my speech or—”_

_“It’s fine, babe,” Louis said, shushing his boyfriend. His expression was softer and calmer than it was a few minutes ago. Harry was skeptical of the sudden change. “I just…it’s something that’s been weighing on my mind a lot. I feel like I can’t escape it, but I have to make a decision soon. I really did want to wait for you before I went off so maybe you could come with me,” Louis admitted._

_Harry stroked Louis’ cheek once more. “Oh, that’s so sweet, Lou. But you’re going to be in school longer than I am with what you want to do for a career. You’ll have to be there without me for some of it,” he said with a chuckle._

_“I know that, Hazza, but what if me going to Uni means we don’t see each other for a while? Are you going to be okay with that?” Louis asked. He looked helplessly around the room—anywhere but at Harry._

_“Sure, it’s going to be hard, but I love you, Louis. I want you to have everything you’ve ever wanted. It might mean we have to make some sacrifices, but isn’t that a sacrifice is about, giving something you want up for something even better?”_

_Louis nodded numbly and Harry knew he was deep in thought, trying to keep Harry from guessing what was really on his mind. Harry chose to ignore it. “And whatever you decide, I’m going to be so proud of you. Even if you want to quit half-way through and become a paleontologist, I’ll still be standing there as you cross the stage, cheering you on and yelling about how glad I am to be your boyfriend.”_

_Louis fidgeted, unable to keep still. Harry knew he probably wasn’t helping by making Louis talk about it, but he couldn’t just let it go. “Even if I can’t be there to hold you at night, or if all I can do is send you a good morning text once in a while?”_

_“Is that what this is about? You’re afraid that I’m going to leave you if I don’t see you every day?” Louis hung his head in answer. “That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. You’ve been my best friend since the day I first started school. You’re the only boyfriend I’ve ever had. All of the memories I have growing up? You’re in every single one of them, Lou. You have to trust me when I say that no matter how far you go or how long you’re gone, I can never replace you. I’ll always be yours.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and sticking around for this story! Not all things are as simple as they seem with this fic. Be prepared for more a few more twists and turns. Chapter four has some of the scenes you've been waiting for, so I hope they live up to your expectations. ❤


	4. The Day They Were a Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is only the first part of this chapter, because I haven't been able to edit the rest. I got out of bed to post. I feel bad keeping you all waiting, so this is just a little treat until the whole thing is done! 
> 
> Disclaimer: I have never visited the Statue of Liberty and was only able to get a vague idea of the experience through research, so please forgive any errors in the process I portray! I did the best I could
> 
> Warnings: Depression. Just letting you know that Harry goes to some pretty dark places in this chapter. Harry’s mental health will be a major part of the story arc going forward, so I want to make sure that anyone reading this will be mindful in case this is triggering for you. Please read with care. <3

_Dear Harry,_

_Well, it’s Christmas, and also the day after my twentieth birthday. Today looks nothing like I thought or hoped it would when I first got off my plane at JFK airport. I always had this thought in the back of my mind that if I still hadn’t heard from you by Christmas, I’d get on a flight and come back to see you. But when the time came, I really thought about it. What if that’s exactly what you don’t want me to do? If you really wanted to talk to me, you probably would have answered one of my five thousand phone calls, or better yet, called me yourself._

_Once showing up at your house and ripping open the wound of our extinct relationship started sounding like the truly awful idea that it is, I asked one of my teachers for some volunteer forms. Not because I really wanted to spend my break between semesters fetching coffee and emptying garbage cans, but because I needed an insurance policy in case I tried to change my mind._

_And so here I sit, in a lonely New York hospital, volunteering my holiday away by watching families share what may be their last Christmas together. I watch the nurses bustle around singing carols and sharing meals with the patients who don’t have family or friends with them. I’m quite possibly one of the youngest people in this hospital, and I’m probably one of the only ones who feels alone today. I guess it’ll take a while to learn to go through things like this without you._

_I can’t help but think of how different today would look if I hadn’t left. We’d be curled up by your fireplace, watching the festivities from our own little cocoon. I’d be kissing you and thinking of how glad I was that I stayed. But I also could have been thinking about what I could have accomplished or what might have been if I’d taken a chance with my future. I guess I’ll never know for sure, but I’d like to think that we still would have been happy no matter what._

_I bought you a gift out of habit, but I’m not sure if I have the guts to send it to you. What if you’re kissing someone else right this minute and couldn’t care less about getting a gift from the boy who broke his promise? How much worse am I going to feel if I rip my heart out and ship it to you in a box and still never hear back from you again? Is there a pain on earth worse than that? If there is, I hope I never find it, and even if you’re still mad at me and hate my guts, I hope you never find it either._

_I hope that wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, and whoever you’re with, your holiday is a million times better than mine. Because you deserve to be happy, Harry. I don’t._

_Happy Christmas._

_Love,  
Lou_  
~~~~

Louis woke up that morning with his stomach in knots, but not necessarily in a bad way. As he slowly gathered his wits about him, his eyes grew wider. Harry. Harry was in New York. Harry had a daughter. Harry and his daughter were…right down the hallway. He stood up too quickly and nearly toppled over as the blood rushed out of his head. He had to do something to calm down before his franticness either killed him or drove Harry and Alice right back out the door. 

_Harry was here_ , for god’s sake. That was all the motivation he needed to throw himself into the fastest shower he’d taken in a long time. When he got out, he checked the clock. It was only 7:30 am. He didn’t have any surgeries or appointments scheduled today, but he was on call until the evening, meaning he had plenty of time to get Harry and Alice more acquainted with the city. Louis spent an inordinate amount of time picking out an outfit that was trendy without looking like he was trying too hard. When he finally made it to the kitchen, it was to find a sight just as unexpected as it was heartwarming. 

The table was set for three, each place holding a fresh muffin and a cup of tea. Harry and Alice sat at the table together, claiming two of the spots. The third setting was untouched, waiting for Louis to join the scene. Harry fussed over Alice’s curls while she whined about wanting to watch TV. Louis smirked as he made his way over to his seat next to Harry. “Good morning, Styles family,” he said. “It’s a pleasure to join you for breakfast.”

“Morning, Lou,” Harry said, sparing Louis a smile as he gave up his struggle against a rogue curl. 

“Good morning, Dr. Lou!” Alice chimed in brightly. “Can you tell Daddy to stop fixing my hair?” 

Louis laughed as he raised his cup to his lips, sipping his tea lightly. “Hmm, well, your dad was never very particular about his curls when we were growing up. I was always tugging them, so nothing he did to his hair would hold for long anyway.” Louis cast Harry a mischievous glance over the edge of his cup. Harry just smirked as he continued picking apart his muffin. “Don’t waste your time making her hair perfect, Harry. Now I have a second set of curls to play with.” He reached across the table and wrapped one of Alice’s blond curls around his finger, tugging on it lightly. Alice giggled in response. “See? She doesn’t even mind. Looks like I have a new favorite curly friend,” Louis teased. He broke off a piece of his muffin and took a bite. It melted in his mouth. His tongue zinged with recognition and he knew without a doubt that this was Harry’s recipe. If nothing else, he should definitely try to keep Harry around just for the food.

Harry finished swallowing a bite of his muffin. “So that’s how it’s going to be, huh? You asked us to stay here just so you can have our curls? You’re like a whole new kind of Cruella de Ville.”

Louis barked out a laugh. “I see your sense of humor hasn’t changed, Harold. As much as it would be unique, I don’t think a coat made of curls would be very comfortable.”

Harry shook his head. “No, probably not. So what nefarious plans did you have in mind for us?”

Louis feigned deep thought for a moment, stroking his chin. “Well, I think the best strategy is to see how long I can keep you around. That way, I’ll be able to play with curls whenever I want.” He wiggled his eyebrows at Harry and Alice. Harry snorted and Alice hopped off her chair and ran toward Louis. “You can play with my curls, Dr. Lou!” she proclaimed, hopping onto his lap.

Harry stood up and came over to haul her off of Louis. “That’s enough, baby,” he said. “We have to let him eat his breakfast first.”

Louis then made a point of finishing his muffin in two more bites and unceremoniously draining the last of his tea. He stood up and gathered everyone else’s cups and plates and brought them to the sink. 

Harry finally released an antsy Alice, who came bounding up to Louis again. “What are we going to do today, Dr. Lou?” she asked.

“Well, that depends,” Louis said, sweeping Alice off her feet and into the air. She squealed as he balanced her on his hip. “How are you feeling today?”

“Great, Dr. Lou.” Her smile was wide and her eyes were energized. “I mean it.”

“Do you feel like going somewhere fun?” he asked. He’d already thought up a long list of places he wanted to take them, ranging from Central Park to Fifth Avenue. If they planned it out strategically (and Alice was up for it), maybe they could hit a good amount of them today.

“You’re off again today?” Harry asked, sounding surprised. 

“Yes, Harold, I don’t work every day of the week,” Louis said, rolling his eyes. He turned his attention back to the curly-haired girl in his arms. “So what sounds fun, Alice? A trip to the mall? A museum? What’s the most spectacular thing you can imagine doing in New York?” he asked.

He watched, enraptured, while Alice tapped her chin in thought. Her expression brightened when an idea popped into her head. “Dr. Lou, how far is the Statue of Liberty?”

Louis smiled with satisfaction. “I thought you’d never ask.”

~~~

“Why is it raining?” Alice asked, her brow furrowed as she scrunched her eyes shut against the water droplets landing on her face. 

Louis chuckled lightly. “Well, it’s not actually rain, it’s sea spray. When you’re on a boat and it cuts through a wave, the water sometimes splashes up at you.”

“That’s weird, Dr. Lou,” Alice said.

“Well, so is your dad, but you don’t see me scrunching my nose up at him, do you?” Louis teased. He smirked a bit when he saw Harry frowning at him. Harry had always been so sensitive to jokes. It gave Louis relief to know that Harry had retained yet another characteristic central to his personality.

“Yeah,” Alice said, giggling, “my daddy really is weird. He makes me eat weird food and he wears weird clothes and always tries to–” Harry’s hand snaked out and spun Alice around to interrupt her talking. “That’s enough, baby,” Harry said. Alice scowled and Louis struggled not to laugh.

“Darn it, Harry! I was really looking forward to hearing more of the weird stuff you do,” Louis said.

Harry’s cheeks burned pink as he turned his face and pretended to watch the shoreline fade in the distance as they drew nearer to Liberty Island. Louis was reminded of how he always loved to hold and kiss Harry when he was like this. He was nearly overcome by the urge even now, before he reminded himself that it wouldn’t be appropriate, no matter how much his lips ached to press against Harry’s skin.

“We’re almost there,” Harry said, awkwardly changing the subject. He fidgeted with his hands a moment before setting one on Alice’s shoulder and shoving the other into his pocket.

Once Louis was sure Alice was distracted by the sight of Lady Liberty, who was now looming above them with her torch held aloft, he shuffled closer to Harry. He felt more than saw Harry shiver at the touch of Louis’ breath against his skin. “It’s okay, Hazza,” Louis whispered, laying a hand lightly on Harry’s upper back. “Your quirks were always my favorite part.” Louis pretended not to notice Harry lean back against him, as if his grip on the tension between them was faltering and Louis’ words were slowly coaxing him to let go.

After they’d disembarked, they’d all been ushered over to the entrance to the pedestal where they waited over half an hour to even get inside. Even though Louis had been before, watching Harry and Alice experience the statue for the first time was a novelty and a delight. Alice posed for pictures inside the monument while Harry fawned over her and Louis stood transfixed as he watched them. Once the tour was over, Louis ended up at the gift shop, caught between a fascinated Harry and his five-year-old daughter, whose impatience was palpable to everyone but her father. 

"Dr. Lou, I want to go. This is boring," Alice whispered as she tugged on his arm. "I tried to tell Daddy, but he won't listen. He just keeps looking for stuff to bring grandma and Aunt Gems."

Louis glanced at Harry, who continued to peruse the shop for little pieces of history, completely unaware of his companions’ waning enthusiasm. "Just a few minutes, love. We can give your dad a bit longer, right? He seems like he's really having fun."

" _Please_?" she whined. "I really want to get my picture by the statue."

Louis eyed a still-oblivious Harry. "Maybe we can do that." Louis figured Harry would be so distracted that they'd be back before he noticed. "Hey...Harry. So Alice and I are taking a walk outside for pictures. We'll be back when we're done, okay?"

Harry mumbled an okay, and Louis suspected he hadn't been paying attention. Louis shook his head and grabbed Alice's hand as he guided her back out the door and into the bright, sunny day.

Alice squinted into the bright sunlight that assaulted her eyes upon exiting the gift shop. Louis noticed and pulled her over to the side of the walkway. “Having trouble seeing, princess?” he asked.

“Yeah, a little bit,” Alice admitted, averting her eyes toward the ground. “It’s really bright outside.”

Louis smiled softly, handing Alice his own sunglasses. Alice looked at them doubtfully. “I know they’re a little big, but I promise they’re ten times cooler than every other little girl’s.” He wiggled them in front of her until she smiled and took them from him.

The sunglasses were big and dwarfed the rest of her face. Louis had to hold back a chuckle. “Better?”

“Much better,” she confirmed, grinning up at him. “Let’s go.” And she took off skipping down the path toward the giant statue, Louis right behind her.

When they got close to the pedestal, Alice tilted her head back, trying to take in all of Lady Liberty at once. Louis came to stand behind her so she wouldn’t lose her balance. “It’s a pretty big statue, huh?” 

Alice nodded quietly. “Why is it here?” she asked.

“Well, it was actually a gift from France. They tend to like giant statues over there and I guess they have a strange concept of appropriate gifts.”

Alice giggled appreciatively. “Why would you buy someone a giant green lady?”

“It really is kind of strange, but it was meant to be a nice gesture. You see that island over there?” Louis asked, pointing to Ellis Island. “That’s where people used to have to go if they wanted to live here. Back before they had planes,” he added. “They would take boats across the ocean for a long time to get here. When they finally saw the city, there was this statue, welcoming them. The base is also engraved with a poem about how America is a second chance to start a good life. It gave hope to everyone who came here with a broken spirit that they could still build a future that they’re proud of.”

“So the people who came here back then were sad?” Alice asked, seeming troubled. 

“Not always,” Louis assured her, “but a lot of them were leaving the countries they were born in because bad things were happening there. A lot of people still come here for that reason or just because they have dreams that are only possible somewhere like this.”

“Why did you come here, Dr. Lou?” Alice asked, tilting her head.

Louis should have known she’d ask eventually. “Well, I originally wanted to come here so I could get the best education in the world and be able to make a difference.” That was probably true, in some way, though it was the least of his worries by the time his plane landed across the ocean from his entire life. “But things didn’t go as I planned before I left, so I guess I was pretty broken when I came here, too,” he mused. 

“Did she help you?” Alice wondered aloud. “The green lady with the book?”

Louis stared up at the statue, thinking of how hopeless he’d felt when he’d first set his eyes on it. His days had seemed endless, and so had his misery. Somewhere along the way, he’d accomplished everything he’d come to the US for without even really noticing. That was probably because he’d been missing the most meaningful thing he’d ever known. Yet, somehow, that impossible dream that had lived in the back of his mind for years was now close enough to taste, even if it wasn’t exactly the same anymore. “I thought she might have forgotten me, but I’m starting to think she was just waiting for the right moment to help me out.” 

Before Alice could inquire further about what Louis meant, his phone started buzzing. He pulled it out of his pocket and rolled his eyes when he saw the caller ID. “It’s your dad. Should we answer?” he asked Alice teasingly.

The little girl laughed, playing along. “Tell Daddy I’m not here. He’s going to make me do more boring stuff.”

Louis hit the accept button, hoping he could camouflage the mirth in his voice. “Hey, Harry. What’s up?”

“Where is my daughter?”

“Um, yeah, about Alice,” Louis started. His eyes landed on Alice and he waggled his eyebrows, taunting her. She shook her head, eyes wide. “I actually auctioned her off. Figured you’d appreciate less competition for my attention, because no offense, but she’s way cuter and much more fun, so the only way I’ll choose you is if she’s not available. Don’t worry—she’s meeting her new Swedish family as we speak. They seem like very nice goat herders.”

Alice was bent in half with laughter, covering her mouth to stay undetected by Louis’ phone.

“Louis, I’m going to murder you! Where is she?” Harry yelled indignantly.

“Well, have you tried looking where I told you we were going like fifteen minutes ago?”

“Louis, you’re not fucking funny,” Harry huffed. “Please at least confirm that you have her and she’s still alive and in one piece.”

“Geez, fine. I have her, so you can calm down,” Louis said. Alice narrowed her eyes at him and he shrugged in apology.

“Thanks,” Harry said irritably. “Now where are you?”

“By the pedestal,” Louis said. “I really have no idea how to direct you. I mean, find the giant statue and that’s where we are, along with like a thousand other people. Just look for the ones who aren’t strangers and you’ll find us.”

“So helpful, thank you Louis,” he said sarcastically. “I’ll figure it out, just don’t go anywhere.” The line went dead.

“Well, sounds like your dad is in a really great mood,” he told Alice, who grimaced in reply. “If I didn’t think he’d have me stoned to death, I’d keep the wild goose chase up. Want to take a few great pictures before we have to turn ourselves in?”

“Yeah, let’s get pictures with the big green lady first. You promised,” Alice reminded him.

Louis obeyed and snapped a few photos of Alice by herself (which he immediately sent to Harry) and a quick selfie of them making goofy faces at Lady Liberty. 

When Harry finally came into view, he appeared to have cooled down a bit. “Harry, you found us. Congrats.” 

Harry gave Louis a half-hearted glare before turning to Alice. “Dr. Lou sent me your pictures with the statue. Are you having fun?”

“Yeah, Daddy. Way more fun than the gift shop! That was _so_ boring,” she told him. Louis wanted to shriek with laughter at the offended look on Harry’s face.

“Sorry that was boring for you, love. I had to pick out some gifts for everyone back in London,” he explained. “I’m glad you’re having a good time with Dr. Lou, though.”

There was still some tension in the way Harry spoke to them, and Louis was desperate to break up the awkwardness. “Harry, why don’t I take a couple pictures of you and Alice together with the statue?” he offered.

Harry smiled at him gratefully. “Yes, that would be great, actually. You don’t mind?”

Louis shook his head and gestured for Harry and Alice to pose together. Harry scooped Alice up so that it was easier for Louis to frame the shot, since Harry was way too damn tall for his own good. Louis quickly snapped a few normal pictures of them before they started goofing around, Louis getting on the ground for a low angle so Harry and Alice could pretend the statue was part of the family. By the time Harry finally set Alice down, Louis was laughing so hard that all of the tension from a few minutes ago had dissipated. 

“Excuse me,” said a woman nearby. She was middle-aged and had what Louis assumed to be her husband in tow. “If you’d like a picture with all three of you, we’d be happy to take some for you,” she offered.

Louis started to wave them off. "We appreciate it, but that's not necessary. Really," he said. 

"Oh, of course we'd love a picture together; he's just being difficult," Harry told her. He exchanged a few pleasantries with the woman, complimenting her sense of style until she was beyond charmed.

And that's how Louis ended up standing close to Harry, an arm draped around him with Alice in front of them. He felt himself slowly, almost imperceptibly, being drawn closer by Harry’s arm. He wanted to glance down and see if he really was moving, but their impromptu photographer called for their attention instead. 

"Ready?" she asked. Louis nodded and saw Harry do the same from the corner of his eye. "One...two...three." She checked the shot and smiled. "Let's do a couple more just to be sure."

They took one more shot before Alice turned around and tugged on Harry's sleeve. "Daddy, pick me up. I'm too little next to the statue. What if I don't fit in the picture?" 

Harry laughed. "Of course you fit in the picture, Alice. Or else we'd have you move. I can pick you up if you really want, though."

Louis looked down and saw genuine concern on her face. "I'll do it, Alice," he volunteered.   
Alice smiled brightly as Louis leaned down to scoop her up off the pavement. "Thanks, Dr. Lou!" she said, swinging her feet as he placed her on his hip. 

Harry hovered next to them, looking hesitant. The lady had the camera ready again, and Louis thought it was rude to take up much more of her time, even if she had offered. "Harold, get over here and look at the camera," he told the taller man.

Harry obeyed, seeming awkward as he posed next to them. His hand was on Alice's shoulder instead of around both of them this time. The lady took another shot. "One more! Make it a good one!" she called. 

Louis suddenly realized that he hadn't taken a picture with Harry since they were teenagers and were desperately crazy about each other. He didn't want to throw away his only chance to have a new memory with Harry captured by time. 

He held up a finger to the lady with his phone as a signal to wait. She smirked, probably glad that he’d taken her suggestion seriously. He turned to a perplexed Harry and said, “Hazza, can you hold her head if I hold her legs?”

Harry looked skeptical, but he nodded all the same. Louis shifted Alice so that he was holding her bridal style and moved closer to Harry so he could hold her upper body while Louis supported her legs. The next thing he knew, Harry was commandeering their placement so that Alice was on her side in midair, seeming to balance the Statue of Liberty on her palm while they held her up.

Louis didn’t have to see it to know it was his favorite picture. 

When the woman handed him back his phone, her husband looking a tad impatient, she smiled genuinely. “Thank you so much for taking our pictures,” Harry told her, slathering on the charm as always.

“Oh, it was my pleasure,” the woman crowed, clasping each of their hands. “You make such a beautiful family I couldn’t help myself.”

Louis felt his eyes widen slightly. He opened his mouth to correct her, but Harry cut him off. “We’re so flattered, really,” he told her, a delighted smile crinkling the skin around his eyes. He reminded Louis of a schoolgirl talking to her grandmother about her first crush.

“Well, I’m so glad I could help,” she gushed. “I hope you all have a great time in the city, Harry. Don’t forget to visit Times Square at night! It’s beyond gorgeous!”

“We will,” Harry assured her. When they finally bid the couple goodbye, Louis turned toward Harry with a raised eyebrow. Harry faltered under his gaze. “It would have been too awkward to correct her,” he mumbled. He quickly turned away and hurried to catch up to his daughter, who was already wandering down the path back to the shops. Louis stayed back a bit, remembering that the photos were on his phone, not Harry’s. 

He strolled along, scrolling through the pictures. He smiled at the ones he’d taken of each of them with Alice and the first few of them all together. Then he got to the last one. He saw himself smiling at the camera, holding Alice’s legs while he and Harry balanced her. And then he looked at Harry. The other man wasn’t looking at the camera at all; his attention was trained on Louis. He felt his heart flutter.

Harry could brush him off all he wanted. Louis had already seen the smile on his face.

~~~~

After a quick lunch at the restaurant on Liberty Island, they boarded the next ferry back to Manhattan. Alice enjoyed the ride more this time, giggling and flapping her arms as the spray from the water peppered her face. Harry stood suspiciously close to Louis, claiming they might need each other for balance, despite the ferry gliding smoothly through the water. Louis didn’t argue with him.

Once they were back on the city streets, the trio fell into a comfortable silence. Louis wasn’t sure quite where he wanted to go yet, but he told Harry he had something in mind, so Harry and Alice just blindly followed him.

They were a few blocks along when Louis noticed something odd. “Harry, why are you still wearing a jacket? Aren’t you hot?” he asked curiously.

Harry first looked taken aback, then his expression became more guarded. “No, I just—I’m more comfortable in it is all.” He was silent for a beat. “Does it bother you?” he asked.

Louis could sense it was a touchy subject for Harry, and the last thing he wanted to do was upset him. “Well, um, I was just curious…that’s all,” he said, backpedaling. “But I mean, if you get tired of it, I can carry it for you.” It took a moment for Louis to realize what he’d said, and when he did, he covered his mouth. 

Harry was smirking and Louis wanted to fall through the sidewalk. “I’m fine right now, but I appreciate the offer,” Harry told him. 

“I mean, I’ve already offered you a room in my penthouse apartment and pretty much anything else you would want, so why not throw in some good service?”

Harry barked out a laugh. “If Alice weren’t here, you know what I’d say to you.” 

“I can guess, but I suppose I won’t know until you tell me later,” Louis said suggestively.

Harry looked over at him with a raised eyebrow. “Oh? You have plans for us to chat this evening?”

“Not to insult your company, Harry, but who else am I supposed to talk to?” Harry scowled at him, but Louis just laughed it off because what he was experiencing was just that ridiculous. First the flirtation on the boat, then the way Harry had smiled when they were mistaken for a family, and now they were joking around as if no time had passed between their tearful goodbye as teenagers and the moment they were in right now. What was happening to his life? It was like he’d stepped onto a ride that spun him around until he was so dizzy he couldn’t recognize anything. “Hey, let’s get a cab,” Louis said. “I think I know where I want to take Alice.”

~~~

“A carousel?” Harry asked. Sure, it was a pretty vintage carousel, but he didn’t see why Louis was so excited over it.

“Harold, I’ll have you know that this _carousel_ is a huge tourist attraction and a tradition in Central Park,” Louis said, mock offended. “Just because it doesn’t impress you doesn’t mean you have to ruin it for all the kids and families who are enjoying it.”

Harry rolled his eyes. Could Louis be any more of a shit sometimes? “I’ll have to take your word, since you’re like the most seasoned New Yorker in the world and all.”

Louis swatted at him playfully. “If you want to be that way, we’ll just go without you.” He reached down for Alice’s hand and then began to slowly lead her away toward the line, like it was an invitation for Harry to follow. 

Harry knew he had reasons to be grumpy, the main one being the discomfort of watching someone else run the show and pay for all sorts of things he couldn’t afford right now. He knew Louis only meant to help, so he didn’t want to argue, but he could feel the scales tipping out of his favor. He’d have to figure out a way to repay Louis’ kindness soon. As much as he didn’t want to go on a carousel, if he allowed Louis to take Alice for him, then that would just be one more thing he owed. Plus, he didn’t want Alice to think he was less enthusiastic to spend time with her than a man she barely knew. “Hold on,” he called when the pair was almost out of earshot.

Louis slowed, turning his head back to look at Harry. “What now, Harold?”

“I’m coming with,” Harry announced, standing there awkwardly. It had seemed like a better idea in his head for some reason, but he couldn’t take it back now as Alice turned back with a grin.

“Well, come on, then,” Louis called back. “We haven’t got all day.” Louis continued leading Alice over to the line and Harry had to jog to catch up with them. As Harry made his way over to them, he had an amusing thought. He was used to chasing after Louis, who’d always been older and more daring, but now Louis had roped Alice into the game as well. Harry had only lost that game once before, and only due to extenuating circumstances, so either Louis was a fool for thinking he could steal Harry’s daughter away or he just really wanted to be caught.

~~~

They waited through three runs of the ride before it was finally their turn. Harry let Alice pick the horse she liked best and hoisted her up onto it. To Harry’s surprise, Louis declined to be on the ride with them, preferring to be the cameraman as they spun past, waving at him.

By the time the ride ended and Harry lifted Alice off the horse and into his arms, the little girl was still giggling. Louis stepped up to the edge of the platform to reunite with them again. As Harry attempted to carry Alice off the ride, his footing faltered. He looked up at Louis helplessly as he started to pitch forward.

Louis’ arm flashed out and snaked around Harry and Alice, yanking them toward him so hard that the impact knocked the wind from all their lungs. It took a few seconds for Harry to fully realize that he was pressed so close to Louis that he could feel the other man’s chest move with his breathing. “I thought for sure you’d have gotten used to your longer limbs by now, but you still managed to surprise me,” Louis teased. 

Harry wanted to respond, but he was too overwhelmed by their proximity to do much of anything. Instead, he cleared his throat loudly so that Louis realized his arm was still wrapped around his companions. Louis released them from his grip quickly, as if he’d been burned; Harry tried not to be offended. The last thing he needed was more tension between him and his ex-lover, especially in front of his daughter.

“Thanks for saving me again, Dr. Lou!” Alice chirped. “Well, me _and_ Daddy this time,” she amended.

“Um, yeah,” Harry said, partially turned away from Louis. They were getting jostled around a bit by the other parents and children exiting the carousel, but Harry wasn’t ready to move yet. “Thanks for that. We’ve definitely had enough medical emergencies this year.”

“Well, I mean, I could’ve treated you both for whatever happened, but…yeah, I’d rather avoid it first and foremost,” Louis agreed.

“You’re just afraid we’ll find out you’re not really a doctor, but an imposter,” Harry said playfully.

“No, he’s magic!” Alice insisted. “He told me so. Just like you said outside the hospital, Daddy.”

“I suppose he is a bit special in one way or another,” Harry said, casting a surreptitious smirk Louis’ way. 

“Did you know Dr. Lou was going to be here to work his magic, Daddy? Is that why you brought me to New York?”

Harry’s eyes widened slightly. How the hell was he supposed to talk to Alice honestly about Louis with him standing right there? “Um, not exactly, love. Him being here was a total surprise to me,” Harry confessed, still attempting to hide from the scrutiny of Louis’ stare. He was so preoccupied trying to hide his expressions from Louis that he didn’t notice Louis move in closer behind him until Alice started giggling. When Harry turned his head, he nearly smacked right into Louis just as he was making faces at Alice. “Sorry,” Harry stammered, embarrassed. “I didn’t know you were right behind me.” He and Louis exchanged awkward apologies until they fell into an uncomfortable silence. Thankfully, the man running the carousel saved the day by telling them they needed to clear the area so he could start the next ride. 

Harry slid Alice down from his arms and onto the ground between himself and Louis. Harry slipped one of his hands into Alice’s and Louis did the same. He tried to ignore the butterflies in his stomach as he realized they looked like a family.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Comments and kudos are appreciated :)
> 
> 6/26/18
> 
> Just an update--planning to post the next chapter very very soon! It will be about 16k. My apologies for the long wait!


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